Loud Whispers With JOSEPH EDGAR

Atiku and Obi: Can We Move on Please?

To say that I covered myself in shame yesterday was an understatement. These two just generally dashed our hopes with the “yeye’ petitions that threw up. They not only dashed the hopes of many, but they also wasted taxpayers’ money in the process. It is no wonder that almost everybody in the hall fell asleep. Not the least their own lawyers who were fast asleep as the judgments were being read. If I didn’t know better, I would think that maybe they had put heads with Tinubu to send in these very lean petitions that even a youth corps lawyer cannot file to.

See the kinds of big wigs that they lined up as their attorneys and see the kinds of nursery rhymes that they threw up. Shame was just catching me as I was reading the whole thing. They were lucky they did not show up at the tribunal, otherwise, their faces would have been shown across the world as two real jokers who were messing up with the future and fortunes of over 200 million people.

You say there were massive irregularities in almost all of the over 700 polling units and you no show evidence in one. This was a great waste of time and I think they should stop distracting us and move on. They should both ride into the sunset and into a well-deserved political oblivion. They truly deserve it, this was just a great waste of time. Kai!

President Bola Tinubu, Please Do Not Gloat

Mr. President, the fact that you were faced with a clownish struggle to upturn your “victory” at the last presidential elections should not give you any reason to gloat. I watched a clip of your people singing victory songs in India and with you raising up your hands and acknowledging victory.

My egbon, we both know what we know. The fact that those two have acted like Papi Luwe and Jacob does not in any way completely wipe out the massive glitches that followed up with that election. The fact that they were also not able to prove anything about your colourful past does not mean that we have a white bedsheet with no stains.

What this calls for is an introspective look at the wobbly mandate that you have secured with a strong view to look at Nigeria as a project with which you would have to deliver very sterling performance. You have to take this as a true mandate to rise above and work for Nigeria. Be a statesman, pull in all parties and begin the arduous task of rebuilding Nigeria. This is not time for a hermitic view of things, but time for an expansive engagement in a bid to build national cohesion as we move.

So, my brother, it is no longer on “your mandate” we stand as your sycophants gleefully sing but on “Nigeria’s” mandate you now stand. Let’s work, enough of the games. Thank you.

Godswill Akpabio on Cruise Control

This one is just on cruise control. Having fun and playing with the gavel the way a child plays with the joystick of his new computer game. For this one it is the ceremony of it all and not the very arduous task of providing oversight for a government that has come out in its first 100 days, wobbly and confused.

From sending prayers to his colleagues’ mailbox to cracking very senile jokes about letting the poor breathe to now pushing that the Senate has no expense to cut, the insensitivity is so glaring that if I had the opportunity, I could give him a knock on the head.

With the level of hardship pervading the country and with inflation and unemployment running so high like fever during Covid, what we need to see is a leadership that can at least pretend to “suffer” with us and not this kind of blaise showoffs of the spoils of office that Akpabio seems to be bent on showing us.

Saying that they have no expenses to cut and that they cannot be held responsible for the economic hardship Nigerians are facing is just the height of insensitivity and if this was not a national newspaper, I would have had one or two words for Senator Yemi Adaramodu, the Chairman Senate Committee on Media and Public Affairs who has been quoted by reports to have uttered such shameful words.

Akpabio’s Senate class is rearing up to be the worst since democracy came back. Shame. Come and beat me.

For Obasanjo and Buhari, It’s Economics 101

A sit-down with Baba is usually an interesting and exciting event. Anybody who has not had this opportunity does not know what you are missing. Chief Obasanjo is fearless, and bold and uses humour in a very dangerous way. You will really hate to be at the receiving end of his barb.

Buhari is the latest of his victims. In an interview with an online outlet, he was quoted as saying that he knew that Buhari did not understand economics, but that he could also be reckless, “I did not know.”

Kai, how can you say that of a two-term president, former Petroleum Minister, former military Head of State and owner of 100 cows? If he did not know economics, how did he manage to breed that amount of cows and how did we manage to vote for him not once but twice?

That Buhari did not understand a lot of things and not only economics was very obvious even to the blind man at Onipanu Bus-stop, the question here is how we keep throwing up these kinds of leaders in this our country o.

That is the real question, Chief Obasanjo. Thank you.

Kayode Fayemi: God Bless You

You see, when you see people like Dr. Fayemi, you smile. His level of intellectual appreciation and clarity of purpose remains on the very visibly high side. My regards for him is however shallowly muted by the “gang he keeps.” I wonder how such an intellectually upright man is so comfortable in the den in which he plays. Granted those ones have helped him into government both at ministerial and gubernatorial levels, but this still doesn’t mean that he would continue playing with them with all the mud that comes with it.

So being reported as saying that the fuel subsidy protests that were managed and led by him and his “gang” were just playing politics is an admission that should have come with a real naked plea for forgiveness by Nigerians and a resolve not to stand for public office again for at least 10 years in utter repentance.

I would have pushed for a lifetime ban, but Dr. Kayode is too much of a brilliant man to be kept out of leadership forever. I personally will forgive him, he remains a great guy.

Abdullahi Muraina: Tears for the Obvious

My people, this man’s two wives must be declared national heroes. This was a Major-General in the Nigerian Army. Well decorated and given all sorts of medals. He was the Army Chief of Finance and Supply, a job he also played in Gambia.

Then he passed and all hell broke loose. He was said to have died intestate and since his two wives could not put their heads together and share the “loot,” they started to fight and ended up in court.

My people, come and see the list of assets the man left behind. Remain small, this man for get money pass Dangote. Kai, huge assets, warehouses, malls, filling stations, choice properties, na small self the man for own Aso Rock.

One is now wondering how much is being paid the average Major-General in the Army and if his salary is what we know of how come he is now rubbing shoulders with them Otedola and receiving medals for it?

This our country na Nollywood film I swear. Common Major-General o, see what he has amassed in office, to the point that his wives cannot give themselves sense and share the thing quietly without all the noise.

Please can EFCC and ICPC be joined in this lawsuit? We need to ask questions before the widows settle their matter.

Tony Elumelu: It Wasn’t Him

When Baba Tinubu went to visit him in his house nko? When he too now went to visit that one in Aso Rock, and then he will be taking pictures with the IMF President, going to Davos to take pictures in the snow and be walking behind bided and be smiling at Macron and be taking pictures on the street of New York directly opposite the UN Head office, why won’t we be thinking that they are lining him up for a position at the CBN?

He has come out to shout o, that it wasn’t him, leaving me very sad. We have had a long list of colourless CBN Governors from Clement Isong through to Ola Vincent and the sickly Ugwuma. We had a sharp lift with Emir Sanusi who came in and turned into a motivational speaker and rapper causing trouble everywhere.

A Tony at the CBN would have been another round of glamour. He will be snapping pictures as he is walking into the office and just before he starts meeting with the Paris Club, he will look at the camera and say, “I am wearing Tom Ford …..”

Then Wizkid will be a special adviser and official musician to the CBN and Charles Aigbe will be the official bag man and I will be the one that will be shouting “Make way for the governor” as he strolls in with his superbly put-together fashion spoots.

Kai, what an opportunity for fun at the CBN we have missed.

Can someone please try and put this back on the table? Tony would make a very competent but highly fashionable CBN Governor, the best we would have had. Kai!

Julius Rone: From India with Love

When I looked at the list of billionaires who joined our President Bola Tinubu on his trip to India, three names struck out – Chidi Ajaere of the GIG Group, GB, the head honcho at Flutterwave and Julius Rone, the one they call Gas King.

Julius Rone, the very brilliant businessman from Delta State continues to be in the news for the right reasons. His foray into gas which is looking like the next bonanza continues to be noticed and appreciated.

The other day in talks with Umaru Kwairanga, the Chairman of the revitalised NGX, he mentioned that he was looking at floating his UTM on the Nigerian stock exchange and two other international bourses so that it would continue to generate revenues, employ Nigerians and contribute very significantly to the economic development of the country. It is no wonder that he made the list of serious Nigerian businessmen who joined our President in that very important meeting of the G20. Well done.

The Artiste Known as Portable

Kai! Laugh nearly kill me. Our lawyers after procuring two kobo garnishee orders, felt that as a befitting conclusion to their annual jamboree they term ‘National Conference’ was to bring in the mercurial artists Portable to entertain them.

My people, it was a show. The man ran into the hall amid a walkout of distinguished lawyers and proceeded to climb the poles with no shirt on, dirty undies showing and hair the colour of the wigs that supreme court justices wear. As he climbed the pole, some lawyers were shouting that he should come down, others were enjoying the show while their treasurer was shouting that she had been marginalised in the budget.

My people, this NBA convention is something else. It compares with Big Brother Africa in fun, scandal and controversy. They are either stealing phones, fighting over corporate gifts or watching Portable attempt suicide. I don’t even understand the rationale behind the convention sha but it seems to make them very happy as every year, they will dust their gowns and move to one location and be doing all the things that will make Big Brother housemates green with envy.

Maybe it is the monotony of the job-reading all those lawbooks and talking very slowly to judges who need to write everything down in slow motion that fuels the need to go crazy once a year. Whatever the reason is, they provide very beautiful fun and laughter. All hail the NBA.

Watch o, one of them will soon write me letter and give me seven days to apologise, otherwise, they will sue me for libel.

My dear learned friends, I already have the letter, na to date am remain. Na wa.

Olakunle Adegbite: A Technocrat to Watch

Last week, on the back of my plea on this page entitled: ‘Travails of a Corn Farmer’ in which I lamented the wahala Sir Kayode Otitoju was facing with the drainage officials of the Lagos State Ministry of Environment, we were invited to Alausa.

Otitoju is a senior citizen and former Commissioner for Information in Ekiti State. He has a farm on the Lekki corridor which has brought him to lock horns with the ministry officials.

The meeting was very convivial as I entered in my T-shirt and jeans. We met with Mr. Adegbite who was gracious. He listened carefully, gave out suggestions and generally just worked us through a middle-of-the-road solution. His calm mien and disposition, his clear understanding of the issue and his passion for his work and fearlessness: “Edgar, if you like put my name in the papers, I stand for truth and justice,” made me love him.

As he spoke, I looked at his grey beard and smiled at myself wondering if Obasa and his people in the House of Assembly even allow such brilliant ones like this even aspire to serve Lagos in a higher position.

That na story for another day, For today, I just want to wish Mr Adegbite well and thank him for his patriotism.

Lagos really has a star in this man.