The Price of a Marriage

Due to the complexity of the marriage events, it tends to weigh heavily on the purse strings of parents of couples, brides and grooms.  I hear these days that the weddings we monitor on various social platforms cost N10m to N50m. Clearly, we are not all feeling the limitations of the current economy.

But it isn’t just couples’ families who burn a hole in their pockets, close friends also spend money – after all, by the time you have been asked to pay for aso-ebi, a bridesmaid dress or best man suit, a bridal shower or party for the groom, and a ticket to the exotic wedding location, you have generally spent someone’s monthly (or annual) rent.
As someone who has been a bridesmaid so often that if I’m not careful people will think it’s my job, I can confess that when I am invited to play that role, I immediately do a mental calculation. I wonder – how much will this wedding cost me? Of course, being a bridesmaid is an incredible honour and it gives you the opportunity to show love to your friend; but it would be financially illiterate not to also consider the cost implications of the role.
I have been to weddings in England, and I think it is safe to say that there is a lot less pressure to create a wedding that people will be talking about for months. In England, the bride and groom invite their immediate family, their close friends and perhaps one or two colleagues. The guests are rarely more than 100 people and those people have been accounted for – so the food is enough and the quality is high, the drinks keep on flowing and it is possible to hear the chief bridesmaid tell funny stories about the couple.
Though several people may know about the wedding, they don’t think of attending unless they get an invitation card with their name printed boldly on it. If the invitation does not state that you can bring a plus one, you don’t.

So it’s hard for me to understand why Nigerians are so willing to break the bank in order to have a wedding that, though beautiful, will be quickly forgotten in the wake of another stunning wedding. And as weddings take place every Saturday at several locations all over Nigeria, a greater wedding, and by greater I mean more extravagant, is likely to happen sooner than one might think.
There are a couple of ways to reduce the cost of a wedding without compromising its quality – for one, a lot of couples these days host their bridesmaids and groomsmen in a hotel for the night before the wedding. But I believe that most who can afford to do this, generally have a home big enough to house a few young women or men. In fact, having your friends stay in your home with you, the night before your wedding, may have a certain je ne sais qoui; but it will also be a lot cheaper than a hotel.
They say a wedding is for a day, but a marriage is forever. And in today’s economy, shouldn’t we be working in earnest to save funds for the happy couple? Rather than purchasing a venue created to seat more than 1000 individuals, one should put away that money for a rainy day.

Surely the real value of a wedding is to witness the coming together of two individuals who love each other and have committed to to do so for the rest of their life. It’s an event that should only really draw the attention of those who are close to the couple and who are invested in their future.
Why then, do we feel that we have to accommodate so many guests when three quarters of those who attend don’t know the bride, groom, or their parents? Wedding receptions have turned into daytime clubs – people attend these weddings to have a good time, drink for free or meet their future spouse. Because of this, the guests tend to engage in their own conversations and activities rather than focusing on the newly wedded couple.
If socialising is what is on your mind, a much more efficient setting for socialising and networking would be any of the returnee meet and greet events, like the one that took place on October 22nd, 2016. This event is perfect because it caters for Nigerians who have just returned to our wonderful country and also encourages the meeting of like-minds.

But weddings are essentially events that are only truly appreciated by those who are closest to the couple. And you can tell who those people are – they are the people who can’t stop dancing, they are the people who buy gifts for the couple, they are the people who cry, they are the people who ensure that the couple are happy and at peace on their special day.
So, my second suggestion for a more reasonable wedding cost is to reduce attendance. Invite those people you would miss, if they weren’t there. To my dear aunties and uncles, over the course of your life you have accumulated many complex relationships, and it may be hard to get out of inviting some people, but don’t include the secondary school friends you have on your WhatsApp group.
After the wedding day, the couple still has to build a home and a family. Big weddings are an integral part of our culture and it is a wonderful expression of who we are as a people. But we must be wise in the way we behave in relation to money. There is beauty in simplicity too.