Faced with Child Rejection

Teacher’s Diary

The aroma of mouthwatering jollof-rice, salad and meats wafted upstairs. Savoury seasonings of thyme, ginger, peppers and garlic on the one hand, sweet spices of nutmeg, cinnamon, mixed spices and dressings on the other, each struggled for supremacy in the air.

Dad got out of bed at the insistence of his bedside alarm at 6am even though he’d woken up around 4.30am by his wife’s pottering about the house and the gradual ascent of the smell of her cooking Don, their 14-year-old son was returning to boarding and starting SS1 today, everyone was going. Mum was preparing three-course lunch to go with them.

They arrived at Don’s secondary school at noon and first had the scrumptious lunch that mum had got up at cock-crow to prepare. Mum noticed that as the checks for re-admittance were going on at the gate, Don suddenly became detached and seemed rather uncomfortable. He asked to carry his suitcase and belongings to his hostel all by himself, spoke a bit more gruffly, assumed an air of sudden independence, walked with a sudden swagger permanently pocketing one hand and slightly flying a corner of his collar. “Mum, I’ll do it, mum I’m okay now, you wait here, mum, I’m fine thanks, I can handle that” was all his mother was suddenly hearing.

It hit home raw and hard when Don took his suitcase up and failed to return to hug her and say goodbye to his parents. Mum made to charge into the hostel and demand why the sudden rebuff, but her husband’s firm hand stayed her. “Don’t go” he said firmly and simply. Mum was distraught. Hot blinding tears stung and flooded her face. “I’ve lost my son she wailed for a moment. No, you haven’t replied her husband. “You haven’t at all. He is a man now, back off a little.”

Don is clearly expressing pubescence. Puberty or you may want to call it adolescence, youth, teens, young-adulthood or juvenescence is a stage in life when a child’s body develops into an adult’s body. The changes take place gradually, usually between the ages of 10 and 16. Adolescence is a transitional phase when your child is not completely an adult and definitely not a child anymore. It is a period in his life when he/she is developing psychologically and emotionally.

He begins to wonder and think about new aspects of life such as career, earnings, relationships and or marriage. In this spell of life, your child develops sexual maturity and becomes physically able to have children. For your child or student, it could be an awkward, confusing and complicated time of their life. Understanding adolescence and how it can affect your child’s life at home and in school would be beneficial in helping them go through these stages successfully and allaying your own fears. The physical changes in girls during adolescence are:

· Monthly periods.

· Breast development.

· Growth of body hair.

· Increase in hair.

The physical changes in boys include:

· Enlargement of the testes and penis.

· Development of a deeper voice and enlargement of the Adam’s apple.

· Growth of body hair, including facial hair.

· Increase in height.

How does your child feel when he/she is going through adolescence?

· Worries about whether body changes in their bodies are normal.

· Anxious if they feel that they are developing differently or at a different rate e.g a girl may worry that her breast is too large/too small.

· Worries if they’re developing at a different rate than their friends.

· Teen girls may feel more conscious about their bodies because they develop faster and earlier than boys. Also the changes in their bodies such as development of breasts and widening of hips are more noticeable.

· Adolescents may feel overly sensitive about their physical appearance and become irritated quite easily, may lose their temper or feel irritated.

· Teens experience mood swings and swing between felling confident and happy, to irritated and depressed in a short span of time. These may be due to shuffling levels of hormones in their bodies.

· Teens feel daunted by how they’re being perceived because the expectations of close people have also changed. They may be expected to take greater responsibility.

· Teens tend to focus more on their friends. This may be because their friends are going through a similar phase and your child is trying to figure out how they are different from them.

· Teenagers tend to focus more on relationships outside the family. They may even be struggling to become more independent of their parents and family. Consequently the relationship with parents and siblings can become strained.

· Teens experience peer pressure. As they appear to value their friends more and want to spend more time with them, peer groups are likely to be influenced by what they see around them in the media and the culture that is represented through the media.

· Teens are acutely aware of what’s in and what’s out in terms of trends and fashion. They may acquire and cultivate a language and behavior depending on what they see. Your daughter and son may become more fashion conscious and fashionable. They may worry about pimples and acne and may want to wear make-up. They may want to wear ‘killer-heels’ if they feel they’re too short and paddings here and there under their under-wear!

Omoru writes from the UK