How to Clap for Buhari, Kemi, Amaechi and Ngige

Reno Omokri

At last, Kemi Adeosun, Muhammadu Buhari’s cockney accented Minister of Finance has finally resigned.

Kemi claims she did not know her National Youth Service Corp exemption certificate was forged and I believe her. I read her letter and it made sense. I believe she is an unfortunate victim of circumstances. Ordinarily, I would have called for her prosecution, but this was an honest mistake and she should not be punished beyond her resignation.

Having said that, it is surprising that President Buhari accepted her resignation on the ground that she has a forged certificate. The question is what should a man whose certificate is suspected not to have ever even existed do in such a circumstance?

Muhammadu Buhari claims to be a man of integrity, but when challenged to provide his West African School Certificate results for perusal, the famously boastful Buhari responded by hiring thirteen Senior Advocates of Nigeria to hide behind a wall of legalese.

So blasé was the President to calls for him to show Nigerians that he has his certificate that the President’s private army, AKA the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission even went to the ridiculous extent of arresting and charging the judge handling President Buhari’s case.
If that is not intimidation, I wonder what would be.

Be that as it may, even after appointing another Northerner to head the Department of State Security, President Buhari accepted Kemi Adeosun’s resignation and replaced her with a Northern Muslim, Mrs Zainab Ahmed. Sometimes, I almost think that if given the opportunity, the notoriously nepotistic and tribalistic Buhari will replace even the President of the Christian Association of Nigeria with a Northern Muslim!

I congratulate President Buhari for appointing yet another Northerner, to join his cabinet. He had previously also appointed Yusuf Magaji Bichi, to head the Department of State Security. Now, for only the second time in history (the first time was in 1984 when Buhari was s military dictator) all the intelligence agencies, DSS, DIA, NIA, DSS, NPS, NIS and NSA are headed by Northerners.

Not even one competent Southerner could be found amongst 180 million Nigerians by President Buhari. Whoever doubted Buhari’s 97% versus 7% statement can now see the President is dead set on his Northernisation of government agenda.

The question those who truly love Nigeria should be asking themselves is this: If Buhari can be so tribalistic 5 months to an election, ask yourself what he will be like if he is re-elected for a second term? If a man starts beating his wife publicly in the mosque immediately after their wedding Fatiha, what will happen when they get home?
And then there is the Quisling of the Buhari administration. I refer to none other than Rotimi Amaechi.

On June 14, 2016, Rotimi Amaechi, who is Mr Buhari’s minister of transport, publicly refused to spend N13 billion on the Maritime University in the Niger Delta, where 90% of Nigeria‘s foreign earning comes from.

On that day, Mr Amaechi, who was speaking at a town hall meeting organised by the federal ministry of information in Uyo, Akwa Ibom State, defended the decision of the Buhari administration to scrap the project which is critical for his own people in the Niger Delta.

In response to a question, Mr Amaechi said: “If you give me 13 billion, I will buy the half of Lagos”. It took the intervention of the minister of state for petroleum, Mr Ibe Kachikwu, for sanity to prevail on that day.

Visibly offended by Mr Amaechi’s statements, Mr Ibe retorted “let me say on Okerenkoko University, I disagree with the Minister of Transport. Any facility that is located in the South-South we should work close to developing it. I don’t care about the circumstances under which you are placed”.

However, on Tuesday, September 11, 2018, Mr Amaechi, who felt that N13 billion was too much to be spent on the Niger Delta, justified citing an N18 billion, so-called, Transport University, in President Buhari’s village of Daura.

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Mr Amaechi said there is nothing special about building the university in the president’s hometown since “Daura is also part of Nigeria”.

But what of the Niger Delta? Is the Niger Delta not part of Nigeria? How can N18 billion to build a university in Buhari’s village be justifiable but N13 billion for the goose that lays the golden egg is not?

It should be recalled that the only federal university in President Buhari’s home state of Katsina, was built by former President Jonathan, a man who treated all parts of Nigeria equally.

Rotimi Amaechi is a minister today because of the Niger Delta. He was nominated as a minister to represent Rivers state in the Executive Council of the Federation. By his actions, it is safe to say that Amaechi is a traitor to his people!

However, kudos must go the way of the minister of state for petroleum, Mr Ibe Kachikwu, who stood up for the truth when it counted.

Unsurprisingly, it was after speaking up for the Niger Delta that Mr Ibe was consequently sidelined in his ministry with President Buhari giving the real power in the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation to Maikanti Baru, his fellow Northerner, promoting Mr Ibe’s famous leaked memo.

And then, there is the court jester in Buhari’s government. I refer to none other than Chris Ngige, the fetish shrine visiting Minister of Labour in Mr Buhari’s lacklustre federal cabinet.

Mr. Ngige said he is surprised that Nigerians do not clap for President Buhari on a daily basis. I hope Okija shrine did not do permanent damage to Chris Ngige’s psyche! How can he ask us to clap for a Buhari under whom Nigeria lost 11 million jobs and became the world headquarters for extreme poverty and whose govt wants us to give land for cattle ranch or die?

Ngige wants us to clap for Buhari. Do we clap for:
* Being the world HQ for extreme poverty?
* For our foreign debt doubling in 3 years?
* For moving 12 places backwards in Transparency‘s corruption rating?
* For ‘giving land for cattle ranch is better than death’?
What Buhari needs is a clapback, not a clap #RenosDarts

Reno’s Darts:
Between 2015 and 2018, the Naira has depreciated by 85%, the earning power of Nigerians has depreciated by almost 100% and cost of living has increased by an average of 125%, yet the Buhari administration has borrowed more money than the PDP borrowed in 16 years! #RenosDarts

Reno’s Nuggets:
It was WHAT Joseph knew that sent him to prison in Egypt. But it was WHO Joseph knew that got him out of prison. If Joseph did not make friends with Pharaoh’s butler, he would have died in prison with all his knowledge. It takes a human being to open the prison doors. If you depend on only knowledge, the door will stay locked, keeping you in prison. Don’t just read books, make friends too. Connections lead to collections. #RenosNuggets

Reno Omokri
Bestselling author of Facts Versus Fiction: The True Story of the Jonathan Years, and other books. Avid traveller. Tormentor of the APC.