Babajide Sanwo-Olu – Beware of the Ides of the Broom

To the new poster boy of Lagos, the uniquely dark-skinned Jide Sanwo-Olu, I say good morning! It is to your credit that even my wife, the wonderful Duchess of Shomolu has taken sides with you and filled up our living room with your posters, so I say well done and congratulations. But let me tell you a small story, when I was younger, I had this very beautiful girlfriend somewhere in Iwaya.

I loved her so very much and used to trek from Shomolu to Iwaya to see her everyday with gifts for her and her pretty little son. My love for her was so manifest that the young children will be running behind me stark naked and be singing because they knew that if wunmi kissed me they would get konkono.

If you grew up in Shomolu, Iwaya or any of the slums, your blueprint will not show you, you will know konkono. But anyways, one day, one old man called me secretly to the side and told me that I was a nice lad but that I did not know what I was getting myself into and that listen o Jide, ‘the broom that was used to flog the first wife is still the same broom they will  use to heat the new wife.’ My brother I learnt the meaning of that proverb the hard way. Na the same advice I am sending to you now.

Today everybody is singing your praises and jumping around including my Duchess who will be walking around the house and shaking that her beautiful bottom and daring me to come near without Sanwo-Olu poster as if na you borrow me money to pay her bride price. When that blueprint or should I say broom come for you as it will definitely come, remember I said so. I wish you well my brother but beware of the Ides of the broom. Simple. Thank you