THE DAY I FELT SHAME TO MY CORE

I had first done this post on WhatsApp, and it went viral. People now started begging me to put it on this column. In fact, my friend Olumide Ohunayo called from Ghana – don’t ask me wetin that one go do there – him nomadic pass herdsman. He called in that he had put the post on so many Aviation Platforms and that the matter was even mentioned on Ghanaian TV. Mbok, what is the matter? Na me taking my daughter to the airport on her way to the UK on school exile. As we drove into the airport, I swore to be a model Nigerian.

I swore not to give any bribe or tip, jump queue or anything like that. I am the Duke of Shomolu, and I must show the world the new Nigeria we are building. My people by the time they finished with me six hours after, I was out of pocket to the tune of N60,000, my ego deflated, and confidence in this country totally shattered. From the outside, people were paying as much as N5,000 to police to jump the queue. Scanner? What is that? After paying, you just put your luggage into that thing and collect it at the other side and continue. Even the FAAN Lounge, na black market. That corona has not finished us in this country is but a miracle yet to be understood. Nobody wore a mask despite the announcement going on.

The ones who even had a mask kept it under their chin. As I sit down, I weigh my options, do I remain a model Nigerian and risk my daughter following me back to Shomolu, or do I become a Nigerian and join the fray and achieve my objective? Please, note that as a model Nigerian, I was in the queue outside the airport for two hours watching Nigerians pay a toll in front to jump the queue. One dirty looking official in uniform I could not recognize came to me- sir, where are you going. I say the UK. He say flight? British Airways. He say N10,000. I say for what. He say if you no careful you go miss flight, be speaking English. This na 9.20 pm, flight na 10.15 pm and you have three points, you never even pay covid. Pay this N10,000 make I fast track you, or you go home. My people, I didn’t waste time, no be me do amalgamation of 1914 creating this monstrosity. I say oya. He say bring the money.

I ignored him I say I have filled the covid test form online. He say oga are you ready or not? I say no vex. Went to the business centre paid the N5,000 and the man fill form that I had already paid. That is how I watched the guy do his magic, and pronto I was checked in, and we were on the way.

It wasn’t over o. I say let us don’t leave the airport until she actually enters the plane because this airport is a different republic entirely with its own government complete. That is how we started driving around the airport while waiting. That is how I saw a bin and decided to stop for a second to throw the bottle of coke into the dustbin, and immediately my tire was clamped. I say, ‘please, bro, I just stopped to bin this bottle as I did not want to throw the bottle on the road and litter our international airport. Four men, smelling, no mask say pay N25,000, or we tow you and you pay N50,000 to government. I say this is so unfair. So so unfair. Guess which option I took?