El-Rufai – Please, Exercise Restraint

Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR (09095325791)

Look, at times, you can spoil a good case with all this gragra. You see, I am squarely on your side on this matter. The wage bill is astronomical. The revenues are shrinking. Of the wages, a good percentage are most likely ghost workers or workers that technology has rendered irrelevant or, in some cases, duplication of roles. So, what will a short, extremely brilliant governor do but redress the situation by right-sizing? Unfortunately, this is not business. This is governance where market forces do not hold sway.

This is where we have na-me, na-me people struggling for relevance and positioning. Me, I don’t like those NLC people. I even hear in their secretariat that they have not even implemented the minimum wage they are fighting for. Those ones don’t understand the issues. Their own is to run around in faded Ankara and be singing out-of-tune solidarity songs. They never understand the issues. They are just overgrown daddies playing with their privates, trying to see which one is bigger on the national stage.

Despite these, how do you engage them, Mallam? It is not by standing on TV and be talking like Fidel Castro or Abacha—we are going to break the strike. We are going to deal with them. We are going to fry their balls. We are going to this and that. And be calling them names like economic saboteurs and be sacking all the nurses in one fell swoop. My brother, no be like that o otherwise, you will lose your moral authority. That is what Caroline told me when Osa accused me of always playing to the gallery on our WhatsApp group. Osa is always looking for my trouble taunting and provoking me, and like you, be like say, I get small temper, so I unleash. Then the sweet and, I must say, very beautiful Caroline came on and said, “Duke, don’t say anything again; otherwise, you will lose your moral high ground.” Sound advice which I am giving you today, Mallam, on this issue. As I said, I am very much in support of you on this one, but then again, you must open the doors for compromise, negotiations, and a middle-of-the-road solution.

You cannot win this one with a despotic approach. No matter how vacuous their position is, they will have some arguments, so let’s listen. I am happy the strike has been called off as I write, and the federal government has offered to mediate. Please, Mallam, as you go for the negotiations, calm down, you hear? I can even escort you sef. It is not a personal thing. Marshal out your points, show them the figures and ask them how they want you to continue throwing money away when there are critical infrastructural needs all over the state. These NLC people, me, I no just like them. Dragons.

SENATE – WORSE THAN RUBBER STAMP
Me, I did not call them rubber stamp o. Far from it, I fear and respect them too much to call them rubber stamp. The only thing that I just want to say very peacefully, and if anybody vex, I will quickly withdraw it is that this particular Senate be like say them all don take ‘Lexotan’ go sleep. Nothing is happening there, no excitement, nothing. Na just to be approving request for external borrowings o. I do not think they are even asking what happened to the previous ones. They will just approve fiam, and they will go back on recess. The only time you get anything from this lot, is when Senator Smart Adeyemi type will stand up and be railing and pouring spit all over the place shouting on insecurity after maybe his maiguard had been beaten up by a herdsman.

And have you noticed that each time we get these kinds of speeches, the hall is usually empty with just about six or seven senators sitting down there looking as bored as ever? They will be saying in their minds, ‘abeg Smart talk finish make we dey go abeg, there is a new sex toy in town, need to go sample.’ My people, these ones are looking like they have never heard of checks and balances. They are just looking like an extension of the executive, and everything is just going smoothly sef. Mbok, help me remember the name of the oga of the place. I don’t even remember that is how bad the thing is in my head. When I call people like Chuba Okadigbo, Joe Wayas, Dr Saraki, even that big Igbo man with big belle and small head, who will be wearing red cap even try. But this one, make I keep quiet. I be orphan. Sad.