GARBA SHEHU – CARELESS WHISPERS

You see, all I have for oga is pity. This work cannot be easy. I swear in his lonely moments, he will be crying and be asking himself who send me. His principal is not really the easiest to handle. I can swear he will be begging that one, ‘megida, please just say something. Megida, please let us just show face, even if it is for one second. That one will be looking at him and be drinking kunu and be saying, ‘Garba, oya go handle them abeg, I tire. That one that does not have skills in telling tales like me will just come out and be saying things that will be making people be yabbing him.

This work cannot be easy, and I am begging Nigerians at this time to back off a bit. Oga Shehu needs help if not understanding. Garba Shehu, you need a crash course in telling fibs. I can teach you. Look, if you have never been unfaithful to any woman in your life, you cannot do this work. You cannot come and be a faithful husband and think you can be a spokesman for this kind of government.

See, cheating is one of the most difficult things to do in this life, and that is exactly what you and your government are doing – cheating on Nigerians, and you need to be sleek, nimble and flexible with a sack-load of stories to keep yourself in the game. It is not to be wearing blue brocade, carry cap like tea seller and be talking anyhow; that is why you are getting this heat. Look, let me tell you one – Duchess catch me one day with one sleek babe in the car. It was during the lockdown, that time that they say we can go out shopping. So I told her I was coming, that I was going to see my mother. Na so I go carry babe o go shopping. As I was coming back, babe said she wanted to buy something for market. That is how we see Duchess and her friend. See babe and me. I greet her, drop, go help Duchess with the market, pay for the things, give am extra money, hug her friend, enter my BMW drive off. All this while, I dey shake but I no show am, I no be Magaji, I be duke. When we got home, Duchess no talk.

I know she is planning evil. She is more dangerous when she no talk. So, during the estate meeting at night, during the AOB, I stand up and confess that I was caught and that all the men should come and follow me beg, if not, I will expose all of them since I cannot go down alone. The place turn into mad laughter, and everybody started begging Duchess. You see how sleekness dey do these things and get you out of sticky situations. I ready to train you if you can humble yourself. Not this thing you are doing. You are worsening the whole thing with your arrogance and lack of tact. It’s not that difficult. Go cheat on your wife, let them catch you and attempt to talk your way out of it. That is media aide 101. I dey teach you so.