Adichie Questions Western Wedding Traditions

By Vanessa Obioha

In an emotional post on Instagram recently, multiple award-winning author,

Chimamanda Adichie, known for her feminist views, questioned western traditions on wedding ceremonies that allow brides to dance with their fathers.

In her view, the practice sidelines the mother of the bride.

“I have always felt that western wedding traditions sideline the mother of the bride — the father walks the bride down the aisle, the father has the first dance with the bride, often the father gives a speech while the mother doesn’t.

“Convention is something made up by somebody and then repeated by others. If convention feels wrong for you, if your skin bristles and your spirit stalls at the thought of doing something ‘the way it is done,’ then stop and act,⁣” she advised.

Recalling her marriage, the author, who is reeling from the death of her parents, said she disregarded the well known tradition and danced with her mother instead.

“Before the wedding, I decided that both my parents would walk me down the aisle. And I decided that my first dance would be with my mother.

“Our wedding, many years ago, was small and lovely, just as we wanted it. I asked family and friends not to post any photos publicly. I wanted privacy. But my need for privacy is now superseded by my desire to publicly honour the rare and wonderful woman I called my mother.”

She also reminisced about her father and their beautiful times together, saying: “My father, who I often teasingly called DOS for ‘Defender of Spouse,’ was very supportive. He wasn’t much of a dancer – I inherited his unrhythmic genes – but my mother was. And my mother’s joy on that day was a gorgeous glowing thing.⁣”

She concluded that one can make changes and unmake conventions.

“We can make changes. We can try and craft small slices of the life we want. ⁣We can unmake convention to make things more just, more complete, more beautiful.⁣ Not everyone will be happy with you because it is human nature to try and conserve things as they are, but your spirit will feel full, and there is nothing more meaningful than knowing you have been true to yourself.”

Adichie is the author of a recently released work, ‘Notes On Grief’, a moving account of a daughter’s sorrow in honour of her father’s passing, and also a love letter to one who she deeply admires.