Of VPN, Leaking Roof and Lekki Roof

THE ALTERNATIVE With Reno Omokri

I watched a presentation by Lai Mohammed at the National Assembly, where he expressed his views about the #TwitterBanNigeria to some legislators.

At that event, the famously eponymously named Lai said:

“I advise anybody using VPN to stop using it. (Be)cause when you use VPN, it exposes your entire data, including your bank account. I’m serious. So, please, if you are using VPN and you think you are hurting Lai Mohammed, you are hurting yourself.”

I watched it, and it struck me that Lai Mohammed has allowed his sycophancy to displace whatever sense of history and irony he may have previously had.

Why do I say this?

Lai Mohammed says we should not use VPN because it gives strangers access to our private data. Yet, the same government that Lai Mohammed represents wants us to hand over our personal data to a known and unrepentant terror sympathiser, like Isa Pantami. A man who idolises Osama. The orisirisi that we see in this regime!

And the irony was lost on Lai that he was making his remarks at a National Assembly with a leaky roof. Think about it. Lai wants us to take precautions to save what is important to us. Yet, his government has allowed the National Assembly, a symbol of Nigeria’s glory, to deteriorate to the point where it is leaking.

Bear in mind that the President, Senate President and Speaker are all from the same party. Yet, we have a National Assembly with a leaky roof that has become the cynosure of all eyes.

And let us not forget that this flooded National Assembly complex is the same building for which President Muhammadu Buhari budgeted ₦37 billion for renovation works on December 16, 2019. Where did that money go? Are you telling me that after such an expenditure, all we get is a leaky roof?

And the excuse given by the Senate President (such an anodyne and timid fellow) that the money for the renovation was not released to them is as silly as it is irresponsible. Money was budgeted and released. You are the end-user. You have a duty to ensure that what was paid for (at an exorbitant and obviously over-inflated cost) is done.

And if you cannot do that, then the very least you can do is resign because I cannot for the life of me see Dr Bukola Saraki giving such an excuse as to why the repairs to the National Assembly have not been done.

The standard of leadership under Buhari, and especially in his second term, has really slipped.

Anyway, it is not too surprising. The Buhari government is guilty of #LekkiMassacre, so why won’t they have a Lekki roof at their National Assembly after spending ₦37 billion taxpayers’ funds. That roof is an allegory of Nigeria under Buhari. Trillions of Naira spent, yet the economy is leaking!

The end of the matter is that while the National Assembly’s roof leaked water, what I was reminded of is the day that Lekki’s roof leaked blood.

Just as they got cleaners to clean up the water from the floor of the National Assembly’s lobby, so did the Buhari administration get its soldiers to clean up the grounds around Lekki Toll Gate to remove any traces of blood.

Sadly, just when you think the Buhari administration has gone low enough, something happens to demonstrate that their last low was just a rehearsal.

And the sad thing about it is that sycophants like Lai Mohammed will continue to rationalise the emperor’s nakedness, instead of telling it like it is.

Nigerians may want to remember that this is the same administration that unashamedly said on August 22, 2017, that rats chased Buhari away from his office.

When we have a situation where rats chase Buhari from the physical building that represents our Executive Arm of Government, Aso Rock Presidential Villa, and where rain floods the structure that represents our Legislative Arm of Government, the National Assembly, the use of VPN is the least of our problems.

The issue now is not whether or not we should use VPN, but whether or not we are using our brains.

From what I have x-rayed above, VPN could very well stand for Very Porous Nigeria.

Where is our national prestige?

When the symbols of our nationhood are in such a shambles, no wonder we are in such a state. Take our security for example. Look at the ridiculousness of it.

Sheikh Gumi advocates for bandits and the Buhari Presidency calls him a hero.

Nnamdi Kanu advocates for Biafra. Sunday Igboho is advocating for Oodua Nation, and the Buhari government calls them terrorists.

Can there be peace without justice in Nigeria?

Soldiers escort Sheikh Gumi to meetings with bandits. And the same army sends soldiers to kill Oodua nation and IPOB members. Where is the justice there? You canonise bandits and their advocates and demonise freedom fighters and their supporters and expect peace.

It is quite true that a VPN may leave you more vulnerable to hackers and other malevolent forces, but the truth that Lai Mohammed failed to tell Nigerians is that with Isa Pantami guarding our national sensitive data, VPN now means Nigeria is a Very Porous Nation to terrorists.

That is the emergency. Not the Twitter Ban or the ingenious methods Nigerians are taking to circumvent it.

And while I quite understand why Buhari will set up such a high-level inter-ministerial committee to negotiate with Twitter on ways to lift the unnecessary ban, it would have been more appreciated by Nigerians if the government had set up a committee to lift the high level of poverty currently afflicting Nigeria.

That is the real emergency. Not the artificial crises created by the Twitter ban, or the National Assembly’s leaky roof, or the General who got chased out of his palace by rats!

Reno’s Nuggets

Dear single ladies,
If a guy who loves you cannot afford your lifestyle, but can still afford to give you a good life, it makes more sense to downscale your lifestyle and upgrade your love, than to downgrade your love and maintain your lifestyle. Love is real. Lifestyle is just a style. For example, think twice before rejecting a guy who loves you simply because he can’t afford the human hair on your head. In that situation, it is even better to reject your expensive human hair and go natural. Where is the wisdom in rejecting real love because of fake hair?

#RenosNuggets #FreeLeahSharibu