Chief Sade Ogunbiyi: Embodiment of Happiness at 75

The Iyalode of Remoland, Chief Sade Ogunbiyi is one of the best conversationalists that any journalist can hope to meet. Ironically, she lives a very private life away from media scrutiny. Asides her duties as a traditional Queen in Remo, Ogun State, she plays golf in leading exclusive clubs in Lagos and Ogun States. She recounts some episodes in her life that made her 50-year old marriage and her life at 75 very inspirational in this rare encounter with Yinka Olatunbosun

The lush green grass on the golf course behind her was almost competing for attention. But it was not enough to distract from the witty conversation. Chief Sade Ogunbiyi is one of those Nigerians who had studied and lived abroad but still returned to their motherland for a satisfying life. She recalled that moment in history- 1977. The year that it seemed everyone wanted to be in Nigeria, the host nation for the second edition of the World Black and African Festival of Arts and Culture. She was a teacher at a UN school in New York- a period where she also studied for her Master’s degree while her husband was a PhD student at the New York University. They had both met at the University of Ibadan where she studied English language. They had remained inseparable through the years.

“We had always wanted to come back home. Then, we had a child and we didn’t want to raise our child in the New York environment. We took the opportunity to come. Those were really good days. Ife was solid. You know, leaving the madness of New York to the sane campus community in Ife. The quarters were fine and everything we wanted, we got. We had a big farm and it felt like living somewhere on the outskirt of somewhere abroad. It was nice. I don’t want to go into politics. But I can say that the military came in and we lost our values and the standard of education fell. People were not getting fulfilled. We had friends there who came and went back and they wished they had stayed back like we did. Those early years were tough. But then I wondered what I would go back to do in the US. I missed home all the time,’’ she said.

The situation is reversed now. Most Nigerians who study abroad are not likely to return home. Chief Ogunbiyi recalled the circumstance within which they lived in New York and why the decision to return home to Nigeria was not a very difficult one.

“Home is an environment where you feel accepted; where you will feel comfortable, have your friends around you and there is family. Even if you don’t have family, you have people who look up to you for things. In the US, we lived in Manhattan. I can’t recall how many times my husband was stopped on the road for being black. They would stop him and frisk him. They could say someone just committed a robbery somewhere and he fit that profile. And he would bring out his ID card from NYU to show that he was international student, a doctorate candidate and then, then would leave him. I had my own share of it even though I worked with the UN. I had one experience on a bus after leaving the school. Normally, I would just walk home. But that day, I was tired and I was carrying bags. So, I boarded a bus that would go around our neighborhood- nice neighborhood though. The driver just took a look at me and said, “This bus is not going anywhere. He said it was the last stop. I said no, that he must take me through that normal route and I would get off where I usually did. He refused and told the other passengers to come down and they did. He called for a backup and the police showed up. I was checking my students’ homework when they came in. I flung out my UN ID Card and addressed them, “Do I look like a homeless person? That’s the UN International School. That is where I teach. I take this bus whenever I am tired. I have books to carry and then the driver said he wouldn’t take me through the route close to my home,’’ she recalled.

After the awkward encounter, the policemen looked at each other. Since Ogunbiyi was a diplomatic personnel, with a diplomatic license, arresting her was not an option. Eventually, the policemen apologized and the driver took her to where she had wanted to alight.

“I thought, ‘How long will I continue with that when I could come home and no one would harass me? That was then not now. I can’t say the same about not being harassed by the police in Nigeria,’’ she added.

Upon her return to Nigeria, she worked at the University of Ife now Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife at the administrative section of the institution for ten years as Principal Assistant Registrar. Since her husband left the academics and moved to Lagos to work with Guardian Newspapers, she would also relocate to Lagos where she secured another job in Lagos at a NAL Merchant Bank in Lagos as the bank’s first human resource manager between 1987 and 1995. She retired at the age of 50. From her career trajectory, it was clear that there was no time in her younger years where she was a full time housewife. But would she have wanted it? Her answer was an emphatic ‘No.’

“With all the education that I have? Full-time house wife? I am so restless. I will drive somebody crazy and I don’t advise any lady to be full-time housewife. You could combine your housewife role with your job. A woman has to be self-sufficient. You can’t be begging for money to buy the basics. I am not saying that you shouldn’t collect the money. The man must be a man of the house and must give you some money for housekeeping. Be independent but you don’t have to be in competition with your husband. You need to have your own life,’ she said.

As she took the mantle of the Iyalode of Remo after the demise of the Chief Mrs HID Awolowo who held the position for fifty years, she realized the weight of responsibility that is attached to the status and lives to honour it.

“I am the Oba Awon Obirin (that is Queen of the Women in Remo). Chief Mrs. HID Awolowo was the last Iyalode of Remo. She reigned for 50 years and the moment she died, I became the new Iyalode. I am in charge of all the women in Remo. When there are things to do, I would be there. Due to Covid-19, we haven’t been able to do much. Most of them are traders. Her shoes are quite big; oversized shoes. But I think I fit myself into it,’’ she said.

After leaving full time employment, she ventured into the sale and distribution of wine. With the cumbersome if not cartel-like nature of the business, she settled fully into retirement.

“I found out that the wine market was run like a cartel. If you bring in your container, you must sell to a certain group of people or you don’t get to sell them at all. All I do is wake up in the morning and play golf or swim or hang out with my friends. I started playing golf in 1995. I started in Ikoyi. I was still at NAL Merchant bank so I was entitled to the membership of two clubs. My husband was in Daily Times and then we were members of all kinds of clubs but I wanted to have mine. So I went to Ikoyi as an ordinary member not a spouse. I did and the bank paid for it. I don’t know where I would be if I wasn’t playing golf. I was the Captain in Sagamu for ten years. It is fulfilling. You don’t have to depend on anyone to play. It is not like tennis where you’d need a partner. It is a total body exercise. By the time you walk four hours on the court, that’s a lot. It is not strenuous. I used to play squash. but I am more comfortable with golf,’’ she revealed.

Although her recently held 75th birthday was quite private, she was surrounded by her loved ones including former staff of NAL Merchant Bank. She explained that her husband would also turn 75 next year and she wouldn’t want her party to overshadow his’. As she spoke glowingly of her husband, it became important to delve into the past and see how the marriage had weathered the storm. She seemed very proud of her blended family and how she and her husband have set good boundaries where love and respect co-habit.

“I am not sure he decided to do that. It is not in his character to do so,’’ she said in a firm defense of her husband who expanded the union by two children. “And since I had only one at that time, it was thought to be fine. Anyway, the moment it happened, we talked. My husband and I. I told him that I had invested in this marriage. Leave? Where am I going? Leave? Are you kidding me? No. I am staying. It is going to be fifty years this year since we got married. When I counsel young ladies, I tell them that marriage is a tough thing. Fortunately, I had good parents. My parents were very supportive. But then, I don’t believe in battering a woman. Battering does not just mean beating or slapping. It can be emotional or financial. I won’t force you to stay in such marriage. But if you chose to stay, you can also carve a life for yourself. Be independent. That is my philosophy. Two parallel lines cannot meet. There is no way I would have a relationship with her. I am on my own. But I want the children to relate with themselves. If they have their choice, they won’t be where they are now. They didn’t ask to be in that kind of situation,’’ she said while explaining how her blended family works.

She is very proud of her three children. A few times, she paused and showed their pictures to this reporter. In her opinion, bitterness can only destroy a family whereas love bears all things.

“Your happiness depends on you. My father said ‘Don’t fight your husband. Don’t aggravate him. Let him have a home. My husband and I go out together. We are ever together. The only thing we don’t do is that we didn’t wear the same clothes. I didn’t fuss about it. I just want a happy life for myself and my children. We have a big family and I like it,’’ she said.

Another thing she likes is dancing. But her status as a royalty is one consideration for not doing so publicly. She left her interviewer to figure out what else she loves as she initiated her into the culture of savouring the luxurious treat of Amala after a game at the Ikeja Golf Course. Tall and agile, Iyalode Ogunbiyi is not just engaging and kind, she is one of the most respected members of the club whether she is donating to a kitty or just simply waving at someone. It was only natural to hug her gently as she walked back into her waiting car.