Babangida – The Ides of June

It was one skinny light-skinned soldier that said, ‘I can follow Babangida to war alone’. Me sef, I used to say I can follow Babangida — not to war o, but to the nearest female hostel. Yes, I was that crazy about the handsome and dashing Babangida while at the University of Ibadan.

I followed his every word and observed him very closely. While at the Political Science department of the famous school, we used to have engagements – intellectual ones o, not all these beer parlour ones that we see everywhere on social media. It was during my close watch of the man fondly called IBB that I discovered that he would not hand over.

I was in the toilet that morning. Those days, the toilet at the Independence Hall of University of Ibadan can give you Ebola. It was filled to the brim and blocked. So, you will have to dress like a masked villain; cover your head with a wet towel so that the stench will not kill you. Then you will climb the bowl and squat on top of it.

It was an experience. I should write a book about it. My brother, it was horrendous. Please Indy Hall Alumni no vex that I am doing this, it is for national good. Na IBB cause am.
Anyways, that is how I was engaging while taking care that the dump did not splash and hit my bum, when the revelation came to me. IBB was annulling June 12, the freest and fairest of them all. I jumped out of the loo, ran naked from the place towards the rooms screaming “He won’t! He won’t! He won’t!”

Intellectuals gathered. James Etonirun, Bode Sojobi, Maxwell and some I cannot remember all in various states of undress to listen to the IBB acolyte. I told them clearly that the dribbles were all intended to stymie the process and cause enough confusion so that the annulment would be a major relief. Well at the end, they said, I was hungry and someone offered me bread and beans.

Well that one has passed. The deed has been done, we have gone there, seen it and wore the jeans like jilted women say it. Today, it has been argued that our problems escalated from that point and that Nigeria died on that day.

IBB has spoken recently and as usual he has been pilloried and abused by all sorts. Well, for me, I tried to listen to the interview but missed it and then I tried to read it in THISDAY Newspaper. But it was too long, I leave am. Then I saw a summary and picked out two salient points: Baba said the next president should be in his 60s, be cerebral and have a national outlook.

Please who can argue with that one abeg after wetin we dey see now? We no even know wetin dey lead us now, whether na ancestor or reincarnation of Melchizedek. Abeg, it’s time we looked for virility, youth, energy. Even if he no get sense, he can be joining Big Brother House and we will be having fun.

The second thing he said was that with what he is seeing now, that during his time, they were saints. Me, to comment on that one, so that people who are afraid of him and cannot carry black mask to go after him will now come and nack me in Shomolu. Please leave me o, Duchess have refused to cook Afang this weekend and if I go marry housemaid now, feminists will start chasing me. The world is unfair.