Chrisland Sex Scandal: Too Much Too Soon

Loud Whispers

In the frenzy, Nigerians totally forgot that it was criminal to view, hold or distribute child pornography. The viral video captured the imaginations of Nigerians and turned the whole nation into a cauldron of disgust, anger, pain and resentment.

The Lagos State Government in its usual knee jerk reaction to things like this, shut down the school but did not fail to remind us of the 14-year jail term for viewing or distributing. My people did not listen o. The video made its rounds. Whether you wanted it or not, it hit the phones as it continued its journey throughout the nation.

As expected, everybody has had an opinion. Everybody has turned into child psychologists, proffering all sorts of explanations, suggestions and prayers as we continue to wallow in a national stagnation.

I have no solutions but many reasons and suggestions like most Nigerians. It is our style. We are a country of talkers. Empty talking heads. We are the modern day babel-  a country of loose-mouthed denizens without a hope when it comes to execution.

All stakeholder groups are to blame for this: parents, educational system and government. I know where my mind is on this matter and I have said it several times and they keep abusing me but I know what I believe and no matter the level of abuse I will stand by my position.

For me, the Commissioner of Education should immediately step down. I have said this and they have abused me and I will say it again.

A child cannot lose his life under her watch and less than how many months, we are seeing a sex orgy still under her watch.

We must begin to learn how to take responsibility for things under our watch. We cannot just be jumping and shutting down schools every time something happens and when everything has calmed down, we will open the school and mummy will be wearing make-up and be strolling around playing politics instead of looking at the system under her purview.

This does not absolve society and parents but my own is that every Nigerian child of school age is thrown into an educational system and who runs that system? Is it not government and if government cannot put certain things in place to ensure safety, good grooming and mental health plus a robust educational curriculum, what are we talking about?

Let me ask mummy, was she even aware of this trip? What background checks were made on the promoters? What guidelines have been issued by the ministry to guide such international excursions?

My people, as a parent you will feel my pain. If these children had won the competition, these people in the ministry would be the first to jump and claim it as part of their achievement. Today, the children have gone to audition to join the porn industry. They pull back and shut the school.

Please let madam just go. Even if we don’t achieve anything with her going, it will send strong signals and assuage our pain.

I have children in the system and as a taxpayer and fee-paying parent, I demand responsibility from all stakeholders. It is enough of these stupid games. We cannot be exposing our children and then go and hide under one finger and be pointing at bad parenting.

Oya I am a bad parent, I do not have the ability to groom so why am I paying so much for the ‘bad parenting’ to continue at the level of the educational system.

Please no space to continue with my tirade, if you want to hear me more, attend my zoom session tagged ‘Chrisland Sex Tape – Why the Commissioner Should Go.’ It is taking place this Sunday at 7p.m. My number is at the top of the page. Call me, I will send the link.

I cannot fear commissioner again na? Abeg let her fall on her sword; it will be a good start. I have said my mind, deal with it.

APC’s ‘Kalo Kalo’ Season

This All Progressives Congress (APC) na conglomerate. It should be quoted on the Lagos Stock Exchange. It has never been a political party but a conglomeration of ideas and positions aimed at the continuous entrenchment of narrow-minded interest to benefit a few. Na dem be that, a rubbish entity.

Today, they have shown their true nakedness. They have damned all consequences and exposed their crawly underbellies.

Asking presidential aspirants to pay N100million for forms, governorship N50million and senatorship N20million and the rest just exposes the ‘Neronian’ tendency that makes up the construct that is the ruling party.

Please make una no vex, anytime I am angry I will be forming my own English. Before you ask which one is ‘Neronian’, let me say very quickly that me sef, I don’t know. The anger is just pushing me.

Outwardly, it will look like the policy is aimed at regulating the space and sifting the boys from the men. Well, my response is why won’t every Tom, Dick and Okorocha not want to be President, when the position has been so demystified and rendered almost valueless by the battering it has received these eight years.

They even tried by saying women and people with disabilities can get the forms free. Knowing the kinds of people that populate that party, you will begin to see ‘Sex Change’ operations happening or someone pushing Bobrisky to go and collect form.

For me, it is not their fault. It is the ‘fools’ who clog social media as roadside politicians who will not mobilise themselves and throw all these ‘rubbish’ away and give us credible leadership.

Let us continue. Me, I know that no matter what, I will eat my Agege Bread in this Nigeria. Tired. Angry and frustrated. Na wa.

Ifeanyi Okowa: What a ‘Warri’

Please, I am just coming from Warri where I went to have my play ‘Ogiame Erejuwa II’ and with all respect to the people of the place, the place get as e be.

A drive around the city will begin to make you ask just what exactly has this governor done in the last eight years. Is this a governor? Is it to wear glasses and speak English and now be fighting for a successor of his choice that is governance?

I will not mince words and I will apologise to the very good people of Warri who gave me warmth and gave me Egusi pepper soup – mbok you should try that soup- I will say that Mr. Okowa failed them.

The place looks like a terrible war zone. Derelict, dirty and desolate. The people walk around with long faces, no hope and no dignity anymore. I was sad. The last time I was in Warri, it was a lovely town. It was bubbly but today the whole town is sad.

I listened to the Olu of Warri speak of rejuvenation, I hear some candidates speak of the same and I hear some leaders speak of the same. They should quickly put action to words. The people are tired.

My advice is very clear: Okowa should have no say in his successor. How can a man who has superintended this kind of desolation in a proud state even dream of seating at the table when succession is being decided? Shame begets him, that is all I will say. I weep for my Warri.

Ogiame Erejuwa II: An Explosion in Warri

My pain is the contradiction of the reality that I am faced with. A proud people, a rich culture and a beautiful monarch all come out to celebrate their rich history but have to drive through a ‘desolate’ city brought to its knees by years of ‘wicked’ governance.

As the former Governor of Delta State Chief Emmanuel Uduaghan walks into the hall and greets me, I look at him with one eye. Did he drive through these streets? Does he live here? Oh my God, he even refused to take all of my calls and letters telling him of the job creation possibilities for his children until this production all fell on deaf ears and yes he was the first to arrive. God.

My pain aside, Warri came out. Their beautiful royal couple came out with a retinue of beautifully dressed Chiefs escorted by two First Class Rulers with the Dein of Agbor in tow.

The play which was written by William Benson who incidentally is from Agbor showcased the true beauty of Itsekiri culture. It pushed for unity and peace amongst all the peoples of the Niger Delta and ended with a climatic dance sequence involving the Eyo Masquerade from Lagos and the very beautiful Bini damsels which brought the audience to their feet.

At the end, Olu of Warri, Ogiame Atuwatse III in an emotion-laden voice talked about his plans for a rejuvenation, his plans for peaceful cohabitation and the renaissance of Delta, stating very clearly that once Delta is repaired, Nigeria will be repaired.

God who put him on that throne, will answer his prayers. God help us all.

Amaju Pinnick: Comes to the Rescue

Amaju is the football honcho. He is a thoroughbred Itsekiri free born and a passionate believer in the renaissance of the city.

He had agreed to support this production very massively because according to him, “it falls very squarely into his plans and believe in the rejuvenation of the city along the lines of infrastructural developments, youth empowerment and a concise wealth creation and redistribution structure.

Just before the play started, he was called up on stage to speak. He used the opportunity to unveil his massive projects in hospitality among others. These projects, apart from creating job opportunities for the youths, will trigger a massive developmental frenzy in the city as it will pull in other such allied industries.

If what I have seen about this project is well executed, then the tears in Warri will dry up and they will turn to tears of joy all during the reign of my favorite monarch, Ogiame Atuwatse III. God will give us all long lives.

David Edevbie: Aloof is His Name

“Edgar, no go there o, the man too dey do.” That was the advice I got when one of my big brothers dropped his name as a potential supporter of my play.

Mr. David Edevbie is the mainstream contestant for the governorship of Delta State. He is said to be aloof, elitist and not on the ground. But somehow, he has done very well in Delta State. He has been Commissioner and Chief of Staff and now he is in a pole position to be the next governor of the state if all permutations work out well.

How he is going to run the state with this his ‘aloofness’ na something wey dey worry me. So as they say in Warri, ‘na from sleep, we dey know death’.

Oga walks into the Hall, greets those he ‘needs’ to greet and totally ignores the people whose votes he is looking for. I watched him throughout the three-hour spectacle and he no greet one single soul that was not a VIP.

Call Tinubu anything, you will marvel at the way he will work that hall. Is it Sanwo-Olu? Sanwo-Olu has the people’s touch. He will run inside that hall shaking and hugging and getting the people into a frenzy. This one just siddon like Prince Charles cross leg dey look him phone. I tire.

I had called him earlier and he picked after like 600 attempts and after I had dropped a name he would not dare to ignore. He listens and very coldly pushes me to ‘Clem’. Clem is his DG and that one even just finished me off.

That night as both of them sat in front at the show, I stared and wondered how they would run a state with so much ethnic complexity. A state that is a microcosm of Nigeria that must be managed with expert balancing. Is this how they will do it? Me I tire o.

Rochas Okorocha: Oh How I Wish!

As I stared at the picture of my brother on the cross depicting Jesus on the cross, I began to pray that the people who ‘nailed’ him on the cross would forget him there overnight.

Kai, I can just imagine the great Owelle in true pain, with his pot belly growling from hunger. By midnight when the mosquitoes descend, he will start praying in Igbo and begging for forgiveness to the people of Imo.

A state which he ran with worldclass incompetence. A state he left with nothing but statues built to massage a funny ego.

What a beautiful way for the people to get back their pound of flesh. When they come back in the morning, they will  meet true repentance forged by a barrage of mosquitoes who would be doing us a great favour.

If only wishes were horses.

LAUTECH: First Class Doubt

Have you seen the report that this school is about to graduate over 700 students with First Class degrees? If not that this is a very serious matter, I would have laughed. Granted that this is over six sessions, but the simple fact that they could not even perform this ceremony for six years shows a system that I can swear on my grandmother’s grave  cannot graduate these number of First Class graduates in true quality.

That is how they will unleash quantity into the workforce who cannot even string a sentence together to make sense. I am beginning to just tire for this country. 736 First Class graduates my foot. If you give these ones WAEC to do I can bet my ass that 50% will fail. Fail in such a way that we will all be ashamed.

Please, the NUC or whoever is in charge should just go and recertify these 700 and let us know their true quality. It is then and only then, that we can agree that they are truly First-Class graduates.

Mbok, I hereby challenge the Vice Chancellor of this school to send these students to come and do a small aptitude test that will be conducted by independent assessors and if 50% pass, I will give N10m over 30 years to the school.

We cannot continue to joke with the future of this country. Oya Mr. Vice Chancellor are you ready?

Demola Oshodi: A Budding Cicero

It was my brother’s birthday during the week. For those of you that do not know him, Demola is in the think tank that is driving the massive Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu’s campaign.

So, I wrote a beautiful post to mark his birthday – the man had bought Afang for me at some point, so I felt the best way to pay him back was to say Happy birthday in my own little way o. In the article, I had used the word ‘cerebral’, which I truly think he is.

That is how Osa on the Duke Summit started abusing me. That me I am using the word ‘cerebral’ anyhow and that I have been using the word on everybody. Before, I could say anything that is how Theo and Wole joined o. These people abuse me o. That as things are hard in Nigeria for me, I am finding a way of surviving by calling people ‘cerebral.’

My people, I vex o. I abuse Osa like there is no tomorrow. Wole and Theo fear, come dey deny that they did not mean to fight me o. In fact Wole said I should learn how to pick my battles. I abused them even Oga Lanre put mouth that I should calm down. The Duke’s Summit on Whatsapp is really an interesting place. We fight to resolve and continue to fight.

Well, I call Demola cerebral, not because he bought me Afang. Even if Osa buys me all the Afang in Akwa Ibom, I cannot call him cerebral. He is intelligent, sharp, smart and quick on his thinking feet, but cerebral I will not call him not because he does not deserve it but because his head goes dewy and the head is already too big.

Happy birthday my brother Demola, please don’t vex that the fourth pillar is trying to distract me. You remain a great brother and friend and that day you bought me that Afang you sealed the bond of friendship between us that no matter what happens to Asiwaju’s political future we will continue to be friends and brothers.

Please greet your lovely wife Titi for me and your kids. God will continue to bless you and protect you for us with a long life. Please I am free on Friday next week, you can still come and buy me Afang again. That last one I ate fish, I hear they have started putting crayfish in the thing.

Don’t mind them, you are too cerebral. Na you finish the cerebral sef. Kai. I am just mad. Lol.

Sebastine Enechi: A Star is Born

I have heard so much of what this young man born just this 1982 has been doing for burn victims through his foundation – BURN2GOLD — for a bit.

So, when the opportunity to meet up with him at the famous Cactus Restaurant came, I grabbed it with both hands.

He is a firebrand Fintech expert. Founder of the influential Shago Payments Limited which promotes e-commerce and payments through technology. He comes with over 10 years of massive experience in the space culminating as one of the pioneers in agent distribution.

He says, ‘Edgar, I don’t want to talk about those things. Let’s talk about burn victims and what the foundation is doing for them. After a personal experience, Seb as he is called has devoted the rest of his life to cater for burn victims all over the nation.

His Foundation supports both financially and otherwise burn victims all over.  The fact that the foundation is fully funded by this young man makes him quite remarkable.

I really want to celebrate him today as a major impact agent.  The figures being rolled out regularly in support of this dream are humongous and amazing with lives being transformed and touched. Kai,  I really do respect him for the guts and fixated pursuit of this vision. I wish him well in this endeavour and God’s tremendous blessings. Wow.