Nigerian Parents And Ill-Mannered Children in the Crucible

Amidst the public outcry that followed the viral sex tape of pupils of Chrisland Schools, experts believe parents have to do more to rein in ill-mannered kids and prevent future scandals, reminisce of the five Chrisland pupils during a trip to Dubai for the World School Games. Funmi Ogundare reports

The recent crisis rocking Chrisland Schools over the viral sex video involving its pupils while competing at the World School Games in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, has brought to the fore critical questions on the value system and parents trying to shirk their responsibility, preferring the school to shoulder them. Since then, the school management has suspended five pupils involved in the sex tape, taking part in a truth-or-dare game for “improper behaviour.” Subsequently, the Lagos government shut down all the school branches to investigate alleged gang rape and an unauthorised pregnancy test.
The only girl at the centre of the sex scandal reportedly has a social media account with the username ‘bhadgurl4k’, posting videos of her suggestive dance steps.
However, this scandal involving minors has raised questions on parenting and how children are raised in society. Many point to parents abandoning the old-fashioned way of child upbringing as the bane of today’s youngsters resulting in their ill manners.
Many people also reason that technological advancement has done more harm than good: nurturing a horde of ill-disciplined youths, self-centred and socially irresponsible.​
Most studies show that parents are to take the larger portion of the blame for children’s behaviour, shaping their future by inculcating morally acceptable behaviour in them. Some parents are accused of shying away from their parental responsibilities, pushing the burden on schools and teachers.
This neglect of parental responsibility from home has made it a herculean task for the school to achieve much progress.
Experts who spoke THISDAY explained why parents must pay special attention to their children, give them a sense of belonging and not interfere with the duties of teachers to nip the negative issue in the bud before it arises.
In a statement, the President of the National Association of Proprietors of Private Schools (NAPPS), Chief Yomi Otubela, said, “It is only effective collaboration between the school and the home that can bring out a morally rich child.”
He expressed concern that this much-needed collaboration has been lacking in Nigeria’s educational system due to societal pressure, which has created a communication gap between the school and home.
“Parents are not usually present to monitor their children at home due to pressure from work and unending heavy vehicular traffic, especially in the city,” explained Otubela. “This makes many parents leave home as early as 5:00 a.m. and return home from 9:00 p.m. No quality time with the children.”
With the gross reduction in moral values, he advised parents to pay more attention to children’s emotional needs. The experts also urged parents to devise a means to monitor what their children view on smartphones and TV.
“Some television programmes, including the reality TV shows, should be properly censored by appropriate government agencies before allowing them on cable TV,” added Otubela.
Further, he stressed the need for the school management to be alive to its responsibility by taking decisive actions on the issue of morally bankrupt learners in their schools without fear and favour. He insisted that schools must take appropriate and well-documented steps to deal with the deviant behaviours of students.
“Every school should have a child protection policy in place and properly engage parents, staff members, students and other stakeholders on how to ensure strict adherence to the instructions contained in the policy,” said Otubela. “Technological devices used by students in schools must be restricted to ensure students are limited to educational sites only.” He urged that parenting programmes should be organised periodically by schools to sensitise parents and schools on how to deal with negative issues regarding their children appropriately.
A corporate affairs officer at Zenith Bank, Pastor Akin Olaniyan, expressed concern about the toxic influence of social media and the damage to schoolchildren.
“Young girls are desperate to adopt the tested formats that have made Kim Kardashian a goddess’. That format has been proved to be effective by Jane Mena and Tacha. As for young boys, it’s either they want to be the next big sports star or the next big-time musician. Either way, young folks just want to become a celebrity overnight,” explained Olaniyan.
He added, “They forget that the road to the point where social capital becomes profitable is fraught with minefields. Or that the self-consuming process of the lifestyle of a micro-celebrity is psychologically punishing. This is why I pity parents who are so media illiterate that they will allow their underage children uncontrolled access to the Internet. The young girl at the centre of the mess in Chrisland had access to a smartphone, data and a ring light for her homemade videos posted to Likee.”
He advised parents to withdraw smartphones from their children under 18 “if they do not absolutely need it.”​
“If they must use a smartphone, pay attention to what they do. I advise you to check and delete the Likee application for a start. In monitoring your children, also constantly check what they do on Instagram and Tik Tok,” he advised. “Whatever you do, do not encourage your children to start building a career as micro-celebrities until they are fully grown and ready for the psychologically draining process. In doubt, ask Jane Mena and Tacha how they are coping.”
A teacher, Mrs. Deborah Idenyi, said she applies different strategies for different parents when their children misbehave.
“The ones that appreciate the correction, I always alert them of their child’s misbehaviour while the ones who feel insulted when you correct their child, I just tolerate the child and pray for God to touch him or her,” she pointed out. “Teaching in a private school requires wisdom and patience.”
A parent, Mrs. Desire Obanefe, who advised fellow parents to sit up in the proper training of their children, said, “I personally have a problem with the word ‘punishment’. I think ‘discipline’ is most appropriate. I didn’t send my child to school to be punished. He can be disciplined or corrected, not necessarily with corporal punishment. The original work of training and disciplining children is the parents’ responsibility. But in a world where we have absent parents who believe everything is about providing luxury for the children, what behaviour do you expect from such children?”
Another parent, Mr. Taofeek Olarenwaju Emmanuel, expressed his concern.
“Gone are those days when adults can discipline any child once it is established that such child misbehaved whether at school, church or mosque,” he said.
The founder and Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of Edumark Consult and Total School Support Exhibition (TOSSE), Mrs. Yinka Ogunde, told THISDAY that parents should not pass their responsibility to schools.​
“Teachers are teachers, and parents are parents. There are things you need to impact on your child, and it is dangerous if you don’t do that. You must give that child a sense of belonging. You can no longer be an absent parent,” said Ogunde. “Some parents are there physically with their children, but they are not really there. They are absent.”
She stated that when parents give the school the duty of counsellors, teachers that will teach them academic and right values, therapists and monitoring them on the social media, they are asking for the impossible.
“That is quite a lot of expectations from schools. I am not exactly sure that these are the responsibility that parents should pass to them,” Ogunde, founder of the Concerned Parents and Educators (CPE) network, said.