Joseph Edgar: It’s My Birthday

I am a very handsome 53. Yes na, if nobody will praise me, let me praise myself mbok. I am tall, dark and slim. No real potbelly, good flow of hair and I wear a beautiful earring on my left ear. I have eight tattoos all over my body and I am brilliant. Yes, I am 53 years old tomorrow – 4th of July and I really want to thank the Almighty God for sparing my life.

Last year, after burying my mother, I had a bad dream. Someone woke me up in the dream and told me that I will not see my mother’s one year anniversary. I jumped up from the dream and read Psalm 91 the first and only time I had read a Bible in a long time. I said, “no be me, witch.”

Today, two years later, I am alive to be writing this column, to be eating Afang all over the place and generally enjoying my life in good health and in the only way I know how. I thank God o.

It has been an exciting life and it will continue to be exciting. We will live to see our great grandchildren and survive to see Nigeria fulfil its destiny and purposes for all its citizens. Please wherever you are, say a kind prayer for me. Bless me and wish me a long life and good health.

Much more importantly, please pray for my sexual health. It is very important, because they have said once you cross 50, it will start dimming. Please my brothers and sisters, if that is the only prayer you can pray for me, mbok pray it now. The MFM type – oya ohhhhh Lord, preserve Duke’s … may it now be weak… May it always remain firm and…

Thank you.