Loud Whispers With Joseph Edgar

Gov AbdulRahman AbdulRazaq in the Eye of the Storm

I saw a video recently that has purportedly gone viral. In the video, Governor AbdulRahman was being heckled and harassed, booed out of the stage and had to be smuggled out of the venue. It was supposed to be an event organised by the Ilorin Emirate Descendants Union at the Emir of Ilorin’s Palace.

Now nothing wrong with the video or of a person of that stature being booed for that matter especially where emotions run high – remember you cannot be everything to everybody, but the wahala there is that some people have added a narrative to that video with the aim of damaging and ridiculing His Excellency.

The event took place over three years ago – December 26, 2018 to be precise when Oga was a candidate moving against entrenched but selfish interest. The booing and heckling were expected because a wave was being created with the fervent focus of uprooting established and pseudo monarchical interests that had held down the state for decades. So, yes, he will be booed, heckled, called a thief and even rained with tomatoes and smelly pepper by those who had been sent by their masters.

But if you’ve noticed, all that did not stop the inevitability of change that my brothers and sisters in Kwara yearned for. ‘Otoge’ happened and the state sighed a collective sigh of relief.

Three years later, after an extended run of peace and security, stupendously wonderful social investment policies like the Kwara Investment Programmes-(KWASSIP) and a simple and almost unbelievable style of G

governance, the video has re-surfaced with wicked impunity and devilish purpose.

They have sponsored the video. Made it go viral targeting a legendary feeble social media community with the hope that it would weaken a confident stride towards an assured re-election.

The narrative this time is that the event happened on August 7, 2022 throwing up the impression that His Excellency was now deeply unpopular thereby weakening his public standing.

You see, me I don’t know how to seat on the fence. I don’t know how to waddle with words and be diplomatic once a friend is touched. I jump in and take very strong position.

Abdul bobo, I dare say, has been a revelation in leadership. Not only in Kwara but the whole of Nigeria. His quiet but determined resolve to instigate a transparent run-in process has earned not only my admiration but that of millions nationwide. His humble streak, no airs approach to governance has won him many admirers and that is why some of us will fall sick for him.

The same, I would do for Soludo in Anambra, Prof. Zulum in Borno, Seyi Makinde in Oyo and maybe Sanwo-Olu in Lagos. These ones have thrown up a semblance of seriousness and focus-based leadership in governance and this is what gives me the confidence that even if they released a nude picture of His Excellency, the course of history will not be changed.

We stand.

Bismarck Rewane, What Lies Beneath?

Be like say the relaxer we are using to maintain the jerry curl don expire. How for the life of me will you be saying in public that this our Ebola ravaged Naira is still overvalued by 200%.

This daddy is making somebody want to be verbally ‘vawulent’ this morning o. The Naira has taken a deliberate hit, throwing up inflation deep into the double digit space, making cost of living hellish and all other economic indices run haywire.

All hands are on deck to redress the situation which we all know is debilitating and may need a long term and sustainable engagement with shoring up forex revenues and a concise turn around in import dependent lifestyle and this one is wearing baba sala suit and be talking crap all over the place.

Shebi he is a member of one economic team or the other for this government and many institutions. Please what has his team achieved apart from meeting all over the place and be drinking tea and coffee and be going to salon? Please, is it not in their presence that naira has been beaten up like a paying customer of my favorite prostitute from N360 to N710 and daddy is saying he will not have an erection until the thing reach N1,000.

Please, did they send this person to us? Is it not time we go and check his citizenship? Is this one a true Nigerian abi na mammy water. Is it until people start jumping off bridges that he will agree that things are bad?

Even the price of condoms has gone up. In a career that has seen condoms move from 50kobo at my debut to over N2,000 depending on which part of the country you are buying it. Please, someone should not do the one that when we see them on the road, we will pour them fish water o.

What the Chris Okotie lookalike should be talking about is the back end- our efforts at local production, our efforts at local infrastructural development, inbound tourism and the like to shore up earnings, he still wants to be playing ‘kalo kalo’ with a supply deficit forex system.

This is the laziness of our economic managers. Instead of doing things like very brilliant strikers who will come back to the midfield to collect the ball when they are no longer getting supply, they still remain at the front and be saying, ‘dem no give me ball.’

Please, Mr Rewane, please, stop all this intelligent babble. It is adding to the crisis because it will fuel speculations. Please, if you don’t stop, I will advise EFCC to come after you the way they are going after the BDCs, you are doing more damage. Please, just keep quiet. Thanks.

The Arrogance of the Man Called Ahmed Idris

You see, I hate writing in anger. I can be lethal o. I will write and regret o. So I try to contain myself as I write this one. I have just seen a report carried by TheCable where it has been said that this person is seeking a plea bargain.

My people, a civil servant that has been accused of stealing that amount of money still has mouth to ask for a plea bargain? Please, can someone wake me up or has this gonorrhea finally taken my senses.

Please, as a layman, plea bargain na when you say, ok, I agree to this charge and that charge and I will give you ex percentage of the money and you give me a reduced sentence and after five years, you will give me state pardon.

Please, you see why I agree that Buhari don old. ‘Laye’ Buhari for 1984, this one will be looking at 750 years in prison on each count of 80 charges.

What plea bargain o? A civil servant? N80 billion. Please, let me be part of the negotiation. It is with fresh pepper that I will blow into his eyes as we are negotiating. The arrogance of it all is killing me here o. The report said, they asked for the meeting, then they said they will not have the meeting in the EFCC Chairman’s office again and ended up not showing o.

This same EFCC will now be parading Yahoo boys for stealing N10,000 and they are now seeing the biggest of them all and they are talking plea bargain. Na wa.

My advice is simple. Please, calculate all him salary as Civil servant or wetin he be from when he start work to time of arrest and net it off the alleged stolen amount. The balance is what he stole if we can trace to him.

The plea bargain should now be how many years between 100 and 1,000 years in prison. Kai, I miss all those Tribunal judges dem Buhari and Idiagbon been use that time. This na three days matter for them hand.

This matter has given me erectile dysfunction I tell you. Kai.

Pyrate Confraternity: This is What is Called ‘Na Wa’

It is only just fitting that their oga has come out to condemn that disgrace with the strongest words he could find. That was puke inducing when grown men wear baby diapers and be running down the street and singing abusive and disrespectful songs.

Like I have said, this is what is called ‘na wa’ in Shomolu. This confraternity has within its community some of Nigeria’s very intelligent and brilliant minds. At least, I have plenty as friends. In this matter of redefining Nigeria, instead of them pushing for a holistic debate, mobilising voters and ensuring credible public voter enlightenment towards any candidate of their preference, see what they are doing.

If someone talk too much, they will come and beat me now. But is this right? Does this even make sense? Why go after a candidate’s health in that manner? Why all the disrespect. Please, what is the difference between these ones and motor park touts? The only difference I see is the costumes, every other thing na the same.

If you think I am lying, when next you see that procession, jump in and say something they don’t like and see if you will not be a guest at Igbobi Hospital.

Me, I don’t know too much about this Pyrate people beyond the fact that they like to dress like cartoon characters. But from the little I know and in my interaction with a very few, one can tell that they have very distinguished and engaging members, so they should kindly show some more maturity in this matter.

We are all on the same side but they should not spoil it with this kind of show, mbok. That was too childish abeg. Mbok, make nobody call me o and make nobody come beat me o, at 53 I no fit fight again o. I don old. Thank you.

Prof Ben Ayade – A Comedic Turn

I used to sha laugh anytime I see this my Governor. If he is not crying that he cannot believe that after five years as Governor that there are still some poor people in his state, he will be riding huge bikes along the streets of Calabar and be taunting his people and be saying “see me, I am your Governor and I have not paid salaries, come and beat me.”

Anyways, that was how he carried his wahala go church o. I don’t know what they were celebrating or what carried him to church. That was how he was given microphone and he stood there boldly and proclaimed on behalf of his government, his family and all the prostitutes in Calabar and beyond, he was donating the whooping sum of N25m to the church. If only he knew what was coming.

The bishop wey don tire for all the showmanship, just carry microphone from His Excellency and announced, “mbok, take the money go pay salaries.” Governor fart. I swear he mess. The smell reach us here for Lagos.

Well deserved. That is all I can say for now. I am hungry, no time for ‘awada kerikeri.’

Kola Adeshina: A Perfect Gentleman at 94

My brother who is a director at the massive conglomerate Sahara Group was 94 during the week. These are people who went to school with highly revered Accounting Doyen Akintola Williams. These are people who saw the Burma war and who helped capture King Jaja of Opobo.

So, you see why we should not joke with this birthday. It is iconic and prayer is for the Lagos State government to deem it fit to declare a five day public celebration for this iconic Nigerian.

Seriously, Kola has continued to contribute very powerfully in the very critical sector that he plays. An egghead whose positions and engagements in the sector delineate national direction. This is why I remain very proud of my fellow ‘Shomolu boy’ as he celebrates another milestone in a very eventful life.

Happy birthday my Lord, kindly send a delivery address. Silver or gold I have not, but a hot sizzling bowl of well-made Afang I have to send. Let me know. God bless you.

Nigerian Immigration Service as a Cesspool of Morbid Corruption

I am tired. I have tried and have come out defeated and this is why I am coming out to beg Nigerians to please, help me put mouth. When my wife, the very elegant Erelu Mena Joseph Edgar passed, I decided to send her son out to get himself back. Alvin was 14 at the time and we went to the Ikoyi office to renew his international passport and my people, as I write two years later, we never see the thing.

We have run into a cauldron of turbulence. Stolen from, dragged here and there, disgraced, humiliated and harassed and despite all that, no passport. They say it is ‘issued’ but wey the thing, we never see.

Every turn is blocked. I went to the PR department, the very beautiful woman there was just looking at me and speaking Igbo. I went to servicom, no joy. I went to the oga patapata in Ikoyi’s office. One smelly mouth officer looked at me twice and said, “Madam will not see you.”

I hear it is not only me, that thousands of Nigerians go through hell to get their passports. You see the systems efforts at stemming all these corruption with technology but at the same time, you see the elements frustrating the whole thing.

It is organised crime in that place. From the main gate to the end, na just major scam and Nigeria is suffering for it. Almost every officer in that place has a whole backup team working outside of the premises. As you enter, they divert you to their staff and those ones will give backup services before you come back to government.

Too many old people in that system. Too many fat and ugly people who cannot be retrained. The morbidity of corruption has entered their DNA and it’s only a robust cleansing that can shake the system. Even if you computerize from the gate to the toilet, they will put virus in the thing.

Abeg, whoever is reading this thing from the Minister in charge to the gateman in that office, please help me give my son international passport. Na frustration carry me come here so oo. His name is Alvin Kokoette Joseph Edgar and him mama don die.

We cannot go and give him Cameroon passport na. Please help me. I am begging. Two years with still no hope in sight? Abi is he a coup plotter?

Ifeyinwa Ighodalo: A Design Option

Madam is the very beautiful wife of my great brother and friend, the ever-brilliant Asue Ighodalo. Funnily enough, I had never met her until last Sunday at the Muson Centre.

They had just exited the show and were running towards their car when I happened upon them. I ran straight to hug Asue who as Chairman of Sterling Bank and himself supported the production and then I finally met her.

What first struck me was her beauty. I dey see her picture for THISDAY Style, but you know those people with what them dey do with those pictures. When I see Alibaba in the paper, I mistake am for Idris Elba. That is what they do to people on that Style pages.

Anyways, madam was physically beautiful. Her eyes are engaging and her energy palpable. Make I no go hail am too much before Bro Asue send me summons. You know how these lawyers dey do.

Anyways, I called her later in the week and we had a long conversation on high profile management at high octane events.  I learnt a lot from that conversation and thanked her very powerfully.

I later learnt that her Firm DOII, an offshoot of the once popular Design Options, was celebrating its 10th year this year. Quite remarkable. Well done my sister, well-done. We, your fans, are here waiting for invite o, don’t go and do revenge o. That will not be good o. I must come and eat that Afang .

Kizz Daniel: Village People Things

I heard that this very handsome bobo was arrested in Tanzania for refusing to perform. So many reasons have been given. I have heard that it is because he forgot his clothes in Kenya, others have said that it was because he forgot his gold chains but his people have said it was due to a technical hitch.

Well for me, I have heard that this is beginning to look like his stock in trade and that the Tanzania one was just the latest in a series. They say paddy has been cancelling shows and not showing up all over the world.

If this is not village people chasing him with Juju, I don’t know what else is. Being errant is not professional and even damages Nigeria image abroad. If we are known for anything is our music. Our music and maybe sports is the only major export we are giving the world so when a frontline star like Kizz is messing up like this, it’s not good.

Mr. Daniel better get your act together and really stop panzing around the world stage. Remember that fame is very fleeting so make the most now. I still like you sha. That your Buga is massive. But the one I like the most na the one where you and that model were swimming under water and you were doing your head like big tomatoes. Kai. You are talented. Well-done but get some discipline. You hear?