Miscellaneous Thoughts Nigeriana – 2

Femi Akintunde-Johnson

The first statement of our early morning greeting rituals should now be: “Good morning, my neighbour. How is Nigeria treating you today?” Thus, here is the second part of our perspectives on how Nigeria and her managers have been treating us lately.

The Change We Need

Politicians, by their acts and words,  seek to increase their “fan base”…  while some of their supporters struggle hard to build a “hate base”. Change!

What’s All the Hoopla About Jandor and His Jenifa?

Why do some people blame Jandor for appointing Funkẹ Akindele? They should start by blaming Lagos PDP for electing Jandor as their flagbearer in Lagos State.

If you choose a 44-year old man, roughly moving away from your old unprofitable ways of selecting staid, colourless political bystanders as candidates (minus one exception) then you should expect some strange-looking decisions. The young ones don’t think like you old folks, mostly.

For instance, you pick a man who had spent about five years building a groundswell of malcontents and youthful support, deep in the disenchanted bowels of APC… with a name like a guy-man’s nickname… You should not be surprised that he would desire a “fresh breath” in another “J” with a massive social currency that has turned her into a sprawling entertainment empress. 

If the choice to pick Jandor is bold and brazen…so is the pick of Jennifer as running mate – petulant and abrasive. A crazy challenge needs a crazy assault weapon – and when you’re in uncharted terrain, no one has the master-manual of how to proceed or survive. 

Stop macro-managing what has never been attempted. Lagos polls would be interesting, if not ground shaking.

Those who mock or disdain this “J-J” collabo should borrow themselves “brains” and don’t dismiss them as jesters, and no-hopers, or they’ll spend many harrowing nights spooning mud off their proud faces. Some smart pundits predicted last year Jandor would fizzle out by February 2021… Don’t start another February prediction that can mess with your sanity.

NEWS: FG: Terrorists to Blame for Power Outage Nationwide – ThisDay

MY POINT: When a father comes home to say to his hungry children that he could not buy food for supper because “area boys” were fighting at the garri market, It will not be strange to expect the children to wonder if the man is actually their father.

And to add to their misery, he promises to throw more money into the food-basket for bigger meals… hoping tomorrow would be better or safer. Shameless in Suleija!

Random Musing: Hello, Powerful Politician

Your country is a forgiving nation…if you want to fulfill your ambition to “rule” this nation, then search in your heart for the power to confess your sins – especially those relevant to character and accountability. 

Yes, the haters will lambast you; the youth will mock and make memes, the impatient will dismiss it as a stunt…however, shortly and surely, everyone will move on, and the majority will recognize that you have obeyed the will of God, and overcome the fear of men (and women). And what shall be will be. 

Seize the moment – confess, restitute where possible, and sin no more.

NEWS: Ngige invites electricity workers for emergency meeting as strike begins  – TheCable

My POINT: Great Nigerian government! That’s why I respect our politicians and administrators so much. When people threaten to go on strikes, they ignore them, or call their bluff… even if their services are critical to the well-being of the Nigerian people. 

But when they start the inevitable strike, the government would run helter-skelter, begging the workers to a sit-down, and to negotiate a speedy return to normalcy. 

Genius – very efficient, proactive and competent set of leaders… shining examples to the rest of the world… in labour relations and conflict resolutions.

In A Moment Of Solemn Irritation, And Reflection… I Mused Thus:

  Anybody who thinks that ruling Nigeria is no big deal is either in a tramadolic Dreamland, or he hasn’t met Nigerians. We are a tough knot to untangle. 

When the president didn’t speak at the times we thought he ought to speak, we lamented, and lambasted him; some in very colourful and uncharitable manner. 

Then, in June, he spoke twice! And he was in trouble. Some didn’t like his insensitivity; some his glibness; some harped on his usual incoherence, and linguistic challenges; and yet others zoomed on his several bare-knuckled nuances and ungainly attempts at clarity and doggedness. 

 I don’t know which group is harder to please: the leaders who cannot stop stealing, and pontificating about the dangers of indiscriminate corruption; or the followers who cannot effect decisive changes but whine, wail and lambast. 

Abuses and lampoons have never led to revolutionary, or even generational, changes. It’s planning, cooperation, organisation, mobilisation, and action that can. Arise, o compatriots. Stop yakking and yawning… Do something creative, and paradigm-shifting. Time dey go….

NEWS: Niger Republic, Chad part of Nigeria, says Buhari’s Chief of Staff – Gazette

My POINT: If this report is true, it buttresses the urgent need for us all to go back to our history books… And an opportunity to thank Gov. Jide Sanwo-Olu (of Lagos) for returning history to our primary schools. 

Let’s get to know our neighbours who were once our actual siblings. You see, education is good, isn’t it? Especially when you’re playing politics of inclusion with other people’s money.

When PVC Hell Can Be Averted…

Why do we invent hassles and problems for ourselves where we can make life much easier and beneficial. 

In normal circumstances, the enrollment, management, and distribution of Permanent Voter’s Card, PVC should be a continuous exercise all year round. It is not something people should injure themselves while scrambling and queuing to register…then return months after to repeat the same hell, trying to collect the plastic! 

It’s not something people have to threaten INEC, and go to court before you’d extend the registration closing date – and you are still not able to accommodate willing and eager prospective voters. Who gazumps youthful patriotism?

In a normal situation, we should not be seeing mountains of uncollected PVCs littering INEC local and zonal offices all over Nigeria…or in worse scenarios, we should not be seeing videos of abandoned stacks of PVCs littering gutter-sides in urban areas; or scattered in unidentified dumping grounds and all sorts of soul-sapping spectacles.

Yet, we can make PVC distribution and management some sort of an employment yielding activity. After all, every registrant indicates residential address, among other personal details.  

So, why don’t we have PVC mail-men/women physically go around dropping PVCs at registered addresses (or via courier services where possible)…in each of the 774 local government areas? Why subject people to all sorts of indignities we witness regularly while performing civic duties?

As soon as you hit 18 years, or you change your house address or your name, simply walk into any INEC office, or visit their website, all year round – at least, it ought to be that simple. And since the permanent card is not for financial or billable transactions, you should get your cards in intervals of two weeks – right in your mailbox or your doorsteps. Even banks give out their ATM cards on a “wait-and-get” basis nowadays. 

With this mail-drop process, there will be an accountable chain of distribution, and redress can be dealt with effectively, while the Nigerian people would be galvanized to provide feedback whenever services fail or become sluggish.

This may translate to greater voter turnout and energised citizenry who can relate with a system that regards them as normal human beings deserving of respect and investment. In such scenarios, voters would indeed be kingmakers.