Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

Jumoke Okoya Thomas: Mummy ‘Jummy’ on Fire

I was on the phone with someone when she burst out laughing. The laugh was so loud that I had to ask what the matter was. She said she was watching Jumoke on ARISE News Channel. I asked which Jumoke and she said Okoya Thomas. I replied ok and  moved on with my life. But later in the day, at the Duke Summit, the matter came up again. So, I asked for a link to the interview.

My people, the interview was something else. Wasn’t as bad as the one of ‘Pinocchio Alake’ but was hilariously terrible. Why they always throw ‘these people’ at us beats me.

First, the platform was so wrong. ‘Jummy’ would have done brilliantly well at LTV or TVC. ARISE, with its elitist outlook was just so above her head. This is a grassroots politician, someone that has built a career in dealing with the ‘horizontal population’ and you now come and ask her about ‘Maternal Mortality and number of out-of-school children in Lagos’.

She kuku give you answer na. “all the children in her school are going to school ooo. Her governor is trying ooo and she is not a politician but ‘in between’”.

When asked if  people were levied or coerced, she promptly responded, “Laredo gave me small chops, Mafeauchi, my longtime friend, came o and Aunty Joke that I met at a party came.”

The laugh is on Abati and Oseni, who were talking to a ‘market woman’ like they were interviewing Joe Biden. Both sides failed woefully. Mummy had no business on ARISE and Rufai and Abati should not have taken this as their normal chit chat with ‘serious’ people.

Good thing though, it sha made us all laugh. Kai!

PDP Crisis – Watching Tinubu Closely

My very good friend, Joke Silva, was the butt of fire from the so-called ‘Obidients’ during the week. She attended the rally called out by women in Lagos to show solidarity for the candidacy of Senator Bola Tinubu.

She was singled out however for the worst kind of verbal umbrage. This has now become the folly of the ‘Obidients’ who can quite get unruly especially if one decides not to look their way.

Democracy, let me remind you all is a game of choices. Its very essence is in allowing everyone to choose who or what they want to stand by. Nobody should be abused for choosing a side. The ‘Obidients’ have turned social media to an abattoir of slime once you say anything contrary to their views.

Even their principal Obi has come out severally to call for calm but this seems to have been unheeded. Some of them have justified these crass actions with the fact that others are doing it or that it was the mainstay in 2015.

But my reaction is simple. You claim you want to bring about change and that you are tired of the old order, so why use the tactics of the old order to push for this so-called change. Are we sure that if and when you finally enthrone this your new order, would we not be in the same boat if not worse?

Mbok, Aunty Joke did not deserve all of that and a collective apology by Mr. Obi on behalf of his people will just be a befitting compensation. Na wa.

Bola Tinubu as Fit as a Fiddle

One thing I like about Baba is the way he bounces back. This campaign is not a small thing for him o. As we push him to the floor he comes back stronger. For him, this is a real struggle. The last major battle in a colourful life.

Baba went missing in action. Was not available to sign the peace accord and sent his able and fit canvas wearing deputy thereby throwing the rumor mills into overdrive.

The stories were plenty as usual. Baba has cancer, Baba has erectile dysfunction, Baba cannot walk again, Baba’s kidney has finally gone. His doctors have refused to release him and Shettima has refused to donate blood.

So, to ‘scatter’ all that, we were sent a video of Baba on a stationary but unplugged bicycle. As he was riding, his face made me laugh. See me riding o, the face seems to say. See me riding o. I am fit ooo. I almost laugh die.

This Baba will not go anywhere without a fight. The next minute, another pic of him in a blue suit with two gentlemen with one looking like my brother Toyin Subair standing in a garden.

Hate him or love him, one thing you cannot deny is his determination to give this fight all that he has. I wish him well. Well-done Baba.

Atiku Abubakar: The Dancing Maestro

As the campaigns engage on full throttle, things are beginning to happen. The issue of the campaigns seems to be the physical fitness of the two major candidates, leaving the third -Obi to continue to engage on the economy and other such important things.

The other two are focused on showing us that even at 100, they still have erections. The way Tinubu and Atiku are going, they will soon ask for a 20-year-old virgin to be brought to them so that they can make love to them in a show of virility. Be watching o. It will soon happen.

The other day, we saw Atiku dressed like Prince Nico Mbarga dancing in a photo shoot. I wonder with that kind dance step how he got to marry all his wives. But when you are close to 100 in years, dancing steps will not be your main forte. Na the knees and waist to make sure that the creaking will allow you to sleep well at night after the photo shoot. As if that one was not enough, the next minute we saw daddy on a machine. He was pulling, stretching and panting. I am liking this. What this tells me, is that focus has moved away from rigging but to actually looking for the votes. Because if anybody has the confidence that the ballot will be stolen in its usual way, they will not be busy trying to ape Arnold Schwarzenegger, they will just relax and do what they have to do.

Well, I thank God that the situation is like this at least we are getting the best of the campaigns. The two Babas are in pantomime struggling very hard to show that they are still sprite and healthy even as what we see is to the contrary. Me I just dey siddon look abi what else can we do?

Akan Udofia’s Cautious Optimism

It is no longer news that the only candidate that I have in these elections is Akan Udofia. Akan is the APC gubernatorial candidate for Akwa Ibom State. But somehow, his candidacy is in jeopardy. The INEC has done something and he is no longer on the ballot. But he is in court and I am being told that the judgment will be delivered today as I write- Thursday.

By the time you read this, the judgment would have been read. I spoke to him Wednesday night and he was very optimistic that the judgment will be in his favour.

You see, Akan has captured the imagination of Akwa Ibomites and I believe that history and fate will stand by him. He has pushed a private sector developmental mantra that resonates with the people. He has said that we should begin to look at how we can spread prosperity without necessarily concentrating power at the level of government. We need to democratise wealth, spread it, open up the space to allow for entrepreneurial development that will create wealth and push many more people out of poverty and touch other areas like education and health.

This is his message and this is why we all stand by him. I know that by the time you read this, Akan will be back on the ballot. God is on the throne.

Magnus Onyibe:  I Still Do Not Agree

Be like say my brother no dey read my column or he no dey hear word. Some few weeks ago, I wrote very clearly that I do not agree with his position that the government should move subsidy away from petroleum and take it to education. His argument was that we need to stop paying for consumption but that we should start paying for productivity and that education was the best place to throw the huge funds we waste on subsidy.

I argued vehemently against this stating very clearly that with the inherent inefficiencies in the system, we will just be swapping ‘thieves’. The new education loan will throw up new billionaires and Nigerians will still suffer.

Magnus obviously did not read that treatise as he has gone ahead to submit a 3,000-word article for thealvinreport.com pushing this his position. If I were some people now, I would not publish it now because this is him looking for my trouble.

But as a democrat, I will publish it and call him and fight him. I will ask him very clearly why he is looking for my trouble. After he called me in the night to talk about the matter and we spent hours arguing in which I told him very clearly my position and even went further to write on these pages my position, he still went ahead to submit a contrary opinion for me to publish in my journal. This man wants people to call me undemocratic because if I react the way I am supposed to react I am not supposed to publish that work. Why he no send am to Sahara reporters or defunct Ikebe super? If not that Mr. Onyibe is looking for my trouble, why would he now do this.

Some people know that I am fighting for National Honours next year and that is why they are sending Magnus to annoy me so that when I react, they will now say I don’t have character.

Bro, let me repeat one last time, the government has no business in tertiary institutions. They should just sell off the schools, take the money and strengthen regulation and build social buffers for the indigent so they too can access education on the back of credible scholarships and grants. These loans should be private sector-driven so that the government can go and face its real duty.

I will not talk on this matter again. See even the mumu government has gone to register a new ASUU meaning that they still don’t understand this matter. Jesusss, I tire. I give up.

Wole Abegunde and the Power of a Dream

Most of you do not know this gentleman but he is today one of the most strategic if not influential investment bankers in the land. His Meristem Group today is the largest independent non-Bank Finance Group. With assets under management in excess of N300 billion and a customer base of about 10,000, Wole has come a long way since that morning at NAL Bank in Marina.

I was on the 15th floor of what is today the Sterling Towers. He was on the floor below me and we were neighbours in Shomolu. So out of boredom, I went down to sit with him and he opened his laptop and showed me his vision for Meristem. He spoke so passionately and decisively that I felt his strength. I wished him well and walked away. I was hungry.

Today, Meristem is huge. It is a very big entity and they just opened one of the most beautiful office blocks in Ikoyi. It is a nine-storey edifice complete with all modern gadgets. Wole proudly took me through a tour. I saw lounges, a gym, a creche and everything. The only thing that was missing was a swimming pool. With over N5b spent in building the edifice, you will forgive me if at some point I thought I was in Manhattan. Well-spaced and beautifully edifying structure, the building cascades the wonderfully apportioned Ikoyi visage with a pride not misplaced.

Meristem is on CNN with the legendary Nike Africana and her wonderful headgear pushing for international business. Wole confirmed that the customer base has increased to international clients as a direct result of the exposure from the international media platform.

Wole today is a fulfilled man. Coming a long way from when he was a young but very ambitious stockbroker to straddling this financial behemoth. He has done well for himself. Well-done bro.

Gabriel Ogbechie: The Little Boy from Idumuje Ugbokwu

You see, I don’t even know how to go about this one. If you add Richard Nyong of Lekki Homes, then I have three very close friends who are in the National Honours list. So, to hail all three of them on these pages will be hard.

I had already written something about Richard some weeks ago after a visit to him. He has now come full blast from the ruins of the building collapse to this national recognition. A full circle.

But today let me talk about Gabriel. He is a little boy from the sleepy town of Idumuje in Delta State. His story is that of a fantasy. From very tiny beginnings he has built a huge business empire spanning Oil and gas thru finance to other areas.

I once sat down with Gabriel in faraway Dubai and had a long conversation on the markets. Gabriel is extremely brilliant. It is no wonder that he has parlayed his clear understanding of the markets into what we are rewarding today with National Honours. Gabriel is a capitalist with a soft heart and what most of you do not know is that he is among the top five shareholders of First Bank Nigeria, major promoter of Globus Bank and also just acquired Eterna Oil. These activities have created jobs and opportunities for millions making him one of the quietest but extremely effective movers of the economy.

He is my friend and I am very proud to call him a brother even as I join his well-wishers and the rest of the country to wish him well on this major milestone.

For Ambassador Olufolake AbdulRasaq, It’s an Elegant Entry

Can I call the amiable Governor of Kwara State, His Excellency AbdulRahaman AbdulRasaq, my friend? If I call am now, people will now be saying I am gloating or showboating. But the man is my friend o. During the last showing of Emir Sanusi, he made an unannounced appearance.

So, when it was time for Sardauna, I sent him his invites and he responded that he may be out of the country. I said, “No problem, your Excellency.”

Then a day to the event, he reached out again and said, I will let you know if I would come for the second day.

Then I got a call from a protocol officer, “Madam is coming and I would like to meet with you to make adequate arrangements.” Wow.

Madam came in that day. She was very elegant and engaging. I waited for her at the entrance and walked her to her seat. In the two minutes it took us to walk from the car to her seat in the hall, she made quite an impression.

She asked very clear and intelligent questions about the play, showed strong interest in what we were trying to do and after it all was gracious enough to come on stage to say thank you to the cast and crew. Taking pictures and engaging them in their stories. I say thank you Mummy for this and God bless you.

To Oga, I say thank you too for the support.

Meena Fodio: A Pedigree Steeped in Beauty

Meena is the great great granddaughter of the Sardauna of Sokoto- Sir Ahmadu Bello. Seun my friend had told me, if you want Sardauna to be successful, Meena is your person. Sardauna was my new play that was fully funded by my brother Wole Olanipekun SAN and was taking place on the back of the Independence Day celebrations in Abuja.

We had funding but needed the support of the ‘aristocracy’. Meena was my entrée. We met on the phone and immediately struck a bond. She opened up the whole northern establishment with such ease that I marvelled.

At a meeting on the 10th floor of the Transcorp Hilton, she held down Capt Ado Bayero – I will give you guys his gist next week – and made sure he called everybody o.

When I say everybody, I mean everybody. From His Eminence, the Sultan of Sokoto, through to Atiku Abubakar to the Governor of Sokoto. Her efforts brought out over 48 members of Sir Ahmadu Bello’s family. Brought a representative of the Sultan of Sokoto and Kebbi’s First Lady who sent in support and representative.  Zamfara First Lady also came in through her efforts.

A very beautiful and humble lady. You should meet her. She left an impression. Thank you so so much.

General Farouk Yahaya: Your Soldiers are Falling from the Sky

If you did not see that clip, go and look for it o. In preparation for the National Day celebrations, the Nigerian Army were said to be practicing jumping out of planes. My people, from the video I watched, the soldiers were falling on trees, cars and market women.

The man who was filming was just shouting – “Na wa o, na wa o, see as soldiers dey drop from sky. One soldier even fell on a tree with the parachute hanging on the tree.”

Despite these, the Armed Forces gave a good showing during the celebrations itself. It made me very proud to be Nigerian. The rest of us here in Lagos are busy on social media abusing all that is Nigerian when the rest of the country are on NTA celebrating the very best in Nigeria.

The Nigerian Military School boys’ parade was the icing on the cake for me. Come and see the spectacle. It was just a wonder to behold.

Nigeria is a great country no matter what we think. Nigeria is great. Well done to the Armed Forces for such a beautiful display. Well done guys. Afang for the Chief of Army Staff whenever he is ready.