Bola Tinubu, It’s Raining Lawyers

Oga is wallowing in a leprous victory, receiving all sorts of guests and even visiting red socks-wearing Tony Elumelu who kuku use the opportunity to do ‘content’ for his very robust reality TV show on Instagram – here is Tony!!!

While Oga is wallowing in his very funny victory, rain is falling outside o. Atiku has hired 19 lawyers, all SAN, Obi has hired his own 18, all SAN and daddy himself has hired 49 with my favourite lawyer, Chief Wole Olanipekun, heading the team.

Now everybody na lawyer. Water don pass garri as my Warri friends say it. Everybody is going to court which is a good thing and has shown just how much we have matured as a people. Before, with this kind thing, na sorrow, tears and blood that we will be seeing on the streets. I thank God so much that we are now a matured people and this could go straight to the maturity that has been shown by the aggrieved candidates. I thank them.

Unlike their predecessors who swore that there will be ‘blood of baboons’ on the streets, these ones have decided to go to court. Even Atiku wore all black and did a Sowore by leading a peaceful protest to the INEC building where I heard that the eminent Professor on seeing the half-naked women Atiku brought, shouted Haram and ran into the loo.

So today, apart from being a POS and fuel attendant, the most critical and influential career you can wish for yourself is to be a lawyer. You can imagine how this situation has boosted growth in that sector. All stakeholders in that industry; from the tailor who is sewing the gown, to the photocopying people near the court, to even the women selling ‘paranga’ around the premises, will be touched by this new largesse in the industry.

My only advice to the President-elect is that he should not go fall into my own mess with one bank like that. They had invited me for a job interview and later called me that I passed and I should come and do medical. I did medical o, the doctors tested me for everything and me, I kuku seized the opportunity to ask the man, that he should test my kini, that the thing does not stand like that again. After that, HR said I should choose which official car I would like between Pajero Jeep and Toyota Landcruiser. I chose the Pajero SUV because of the last chair at the back, which I felt would come in use when I want to have meetings with my young staff who have not met their target.

Anyways, that was how after like three weeks of going up and down including issuing me an ID card, they called me to say that the outgoing MD said: “I no be their material.” My people, that was how ‘Staff elect’ ended for me o.

So, my lord, tread softly on this President-elect matter. Receive low level visitors, never start work on the cabinet yet and yes you can say things like – your government will ban handouts in our universities – like I heard you pronounced but never put the seal of the president in your new jeep yet, and please don’t sew new cloth yet. Finally, don’t sell the Bourdilon house yet until all these court cases come to an end so we are not surprised o. Kai, President-elect of the world. Nigeria, we hail thee. Shebi Kenyans are laughing at us now. Na wa o.