Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR

Too Much Anger in the Land

With what my eyes have seen in the last few days, you would be surprised that I can still eat afang or even dare to write this column. We are angry o, the country is angry o and as such something, wey no reach something, we carry sledge hammer and start pursuing flies. My own is that if this continues, I will start writing riddles and jokes or be telling those stories NTA used to tell our children in that their fantastic programme – Tales By Moonlight or just run away into the dense jungles of Akwa Ibom. My mama wey hold my juju don die, so I naked.

I don’t know what has come over us as a people. There is anger everywhere. If you go on social media, you will see people pouring themselves acid, beating up people over little or nothing or generally engaging in all sorts of violent interactions that should otherwise be sorted amicably.

The other day, two major showbiz personalities were fighting over N30,000. This wahala continued for weeks, crisscrossing platforms with millions of Nigerians taking sides, either way, instead of trying to settle them. There is madness everywhere, we have lost that communality, everything must be dealt with heavily, no discussions any more. It is just now,  ‘I am annoyed I slam’.

If you cheat, they will cut off your something. If you jam someone’s car, you will receive the beating of your life. The other day, a woman was arrested for killing her mate because that one stole her boyfriend 10 years ago. Madness everywhere, anger at all stages. Red eyes, violence, with power being thrown around over everything. Nothing is small in Nigeria again, person wey plan coup and person wey spit on top him side chick na the same treatment. I fear o.

I remember when I first started writing this column, I had written something scathing about a SAN. It was my egbon Chike Ogeah that called me and said, “Edgar, you don annoy oga ooo. He dey find you.” The SAN had sent his reservations to THISDAY and wanted to meet me. I went to meet him at the Protea Hotel in Ikeja and as soon as I entered, he pulled my ear. As in literally pulled my ear from the doorstep through the lounge with people laughing at me and took me to a table and brought out my write up and started taking me point for point.

At the end of the day, I couldn’t see his point of view, but we ate and laughed and I begged him to pay the bill since he was like a grandfather to me and all ended well.

We all need to calm down. It is not everything that is fight. We need a national ’calming down’. We are all just so tight and touchy. Kai, life is very simple o. He no reach this one that I am seeing o. Na wa.   

Labour Party. A Scattering Foretold

I would have been very surprised if the Labour Party remained insoluble as we moved towards the inauguration. Despite coming  a distant third, they remain a credible threat to the emergence of the Republic of Emilokan. They have been insistent that they will find their mandate and have shown more than passing resolve to achieving this goal.

The people that took second have resumed holiday and are mostly in Kogi in an attempt to install the head of Comedy Central as Governor. So, if my inauguration is coming and I have gone to see the Eiffel Tower, bought new clothes, drank enough glucose and lucozade and have invited my in-laws from Guinea, would I now be sitting down and be looking at these ‘boys’ with bald head carrying London Airport wahala come and rain on my parade?

Of course not. Except I did not fight Abacha, except I did nor repel #EndSARS and except I did not fight OBJ to a standstill that I will not do something about these ‘irritants. Is it easy for the US, UK and Sudan to send congratulatory messages, even before the votes from Shomolu were counted?

So all the noise of the balkanisation of the Labour Party did not surprise me. At all oooo, in fact, I was expecting it o, except rain no fall the day I was born, that LP will remain one. It must scatter.

Today, we are hearing that one faction is going through all the courts and withdrawing petitions including Obi’s petition that law students have started studying – na only state universities dey study am sha o.

While this is going on, the main faction is shouting itself hoarse. Just as I was about to write, the Apapa faction has come out to say that it’s not true and that they have not sent in any petition anywhere and that it is the other faction that wants to give them a bad name.

Any which way, the Labour Party that took us on that historic ride during the elections is not the same we are seeing now. What we are seeing now be like Ajasco boys club.

My advice to them and to the remainder of us who had hoped for a strident fight is to hunker down and prepare for the Bula Balu Republic. Simple. I don buy Aso Oke, I ready for the Owambe, let’s go there.

Muhammadu Buhari: Bring Back Our Buhari

Daddy has begged for forgiveness. In his last Sallah celebration as our President, he was reported to have asked for forgiveness from those of us that his policies have ‘killed’ and also went ahead to assure us that he will go very far from us.

Well Daddy, do not worry; we are very forgiving people. Didn’t we forgive Umaru Dikko? Remember him? The crate? He was forgiven na and even won election years after. I think the only person we have not forgiven so far is Lawrence Anini and it’s because after collecting three states from Etim Inyang and IBB, he did not wait to carry out significant infrastructural development in the states that is why we have not forgiven him.

You no get problem. You have done some things well and others really really bad. This is not the time for me to be listing the very bad ones, because if I start, we no go go home today. But one thing that I want to thank you personally for is that all the abuse I have abused you in the last eight years, you never carry police pursue me or even ask DSS to release my nudes. It’s either you no see them or Uncle Femi Adeshina carefully hid the write ups from you. Either way, I thank you for that.

Another thing I want to thank you for na the civilian-to-civilian transition that you have given us. Forget that the thing be like election we used to do for Baba Raimi mechanic shop when I went to do mechanic after failing Form 4 two times. That one used to be wuru-wuru to the answer. We will get it right one day, not a problem. We thank you for at least being a statesman and easing out without a whisper of a third term or any of those wild contraptions people used to do to elongate their state.

Don’t worry, the Nigerians that we are, in the next one year we will start doing the expected – bring back our Buhari. It’s our ethos. Na so we be. Congrats my Lord and may God grant you a blissful retirement, you have tried, it’s not easy since 1978. You have tried. Thank you. Kai.

Asue Ighodalo as the Real Star Boy

Let me quickly send in my congratulations to Mr. Asue Ighodalo on his recent appointment as Chairman of Nigeria’s biggest Breweries, the NB Plc. I hear Asue has been on their Board for some time now and his recent appointment confirms the value that he has brought to the table.

This appointment further confirms Asue’s standing as a corporate giant. Remember, he is the Chairman of Sterling Bank and up until recently the Chairman of the NESG which is a very influential think tank.

I am not sure he would like this mention as he prefers to be under the radar, but an appointment this high profile, cannot be pushed under the carpet. It must be celebrated and highlighted especially in this era of economic implosion; our very best hands need to be thrown into the fray if we are to have any hope of rebuilding this economy in this generation.

It is to this end, that I want to say well done to the Board of NB Plc for making this very strategic move. I am very sure that Asue would deliver much more than expected. Well done Sir.

The Senate President We Want from Bola Tinubu

The struggle for this position is always epic. So far, two major combatants are emerging. Former Governor of Abia State, Senator Orji Kalu and may be Senator Akpabio from Akwa Ibom State if I am to take a guess.

Senator Orji has been quite vocal and very expansive in his bid. He has said very clearly that he is the best candidate for the position as he brings to bear very serious credentials as an experienced politician and strategist. Remember how he told us in a video of how he entered Obasanjo’s bedroom to warn him against the alleged third term bid showing how fearless he can be.

Well for me and other very fearful Nigerians, the sanctity of the checks and balances in a democratic set up must be restored. We have seen the National Assembly looking like a department in the presidency in the outgoing dispensation and do really miss the Saraki-led assembly which served as a countering bulwark against the marauding influence of the presidency.

It is very clear that the BAT Presidency will be very robust. It would not be impish and as such we would like for a very vibrant National Assembly to keep it on its toes and as such whoever is going to lead the Senate must come with some very bold features.

Now whether these two can do it is anybody’s guess. We have reached a point in this country where it is looking like, we should just honker down and fly through the turbulence of incompetence with the hope that some natural force would come to our aid at some point.

If I were the President-elect, I would support a candidate who although will be firmly entrenched in the vision I would be bringing to bear but will still retain the strength to remain principled and be bold enough to stand for truth, fair play and justice in the scheme of things.

Yes, that is the Senate President we want, now the question is, does any of these forerunners’ have that quality? No ask me abeg. Thanks.

Allen Onyema: He Just Wants to Help

It’s crazy. Nigerians are truly crazy. So, there is a major war going on in Sudan and Nigerians like most foreigners are stranded. Caught in between the warring factions, our people, especially students, are just sitting ducks waiting to be evacuated.

Better countries have sent special forces to evacuate their own and we cannot even send MOPOL. Those ones are there beating up helpless people at various bus stops all over the country, now that there is war, we are not moving them there o.

Allen who is the main man behind Air Peace and who seems to be making a career out of doing this kind of thing has offered to evacuate Nigerians with his Air Peace planes and all of a sudden the remnants of the ethnic crises that was the bane of the just concluded elections have reared its ugly head again o.

We are seeing reports and memes on social media saying that an Igbo man is using his planes to save Yoruba people. Savage things like that, that do not even begin to make sense are being thrown up all over the place.

The man as a true Nigerian, has made an offer not minding the financial toll on his business, the lives of his pilots and crew and we are now messing it up with the bile that is ethnicity.

It seems we prefer to go by the buses. I hear the federal government wants to push there. At least like I hear, they say that Nigerians will be loaded on the buses according to state of origin. At this point, those from Zamfara State should better start looking for a way to reach Mr Onyema with his planes because they will have themselves to blame by the time they reach their turn after over 30 states, that is if they are going alphabetically. Na wa.

Are we really serious people?

Well Done Davido

This superstar held a very successful concert recently. Just coming after the loss of his son, this was a welcome outing. He had come out during the World Cup finals but just for a bit and one can say this Lagos outing was truly his major comeback since the sad episode.

The main reason why I am hailing him is because of the Forbes report which I have just seen. The report says that he stands to earn about $20m this year from his music, concerts, merchandising and appearances among others.

Kai, this is a Nigerian o and guess what, we have millions like this all over the place delivering true dividends. How can one man be earning much more than the IGR of some states and those states still have governors who at the end of their tenor will give themselves heavy pension packages.

Well for me, this is quite inspiring and a story that should be told. Not only his but that of the millions of young Nigerians who are creating giant strides everywhere.

To those of you that have ‘japa,’ please stay there o. Don’t come back o, leave us to continue in the struggle because with stories like Davido’s, the light will soon show at the end of the tunnel.

Well done my guy.

Admiral Francis Akpan: A Doctor Berths

Let me quickly send a beautiful message to my kinsman and great Naval warrior, Admiral Francis Akpan who has just been awarded an LLD degree allowing him add ‘Dr’ to his already many titles. The last time I saw him was at the women’s war museum at Ikot Abasi. I had gone to inspect the place on the back of my play ‘Ufok Ibaan’ and he drove through with his beautiful wife.

Admiral is an intellectual who has written books, contributed to the Navy and by extension Nigeria and is playing a vital role in our state- Akwa Ibom making him an outstanding personality.

Now I don confuse, is it Admiral or is it Doctor or is it Admiral Dr? Whatever it is, let’s just agree that this is truly a great personality. Congrats sir.

My Apologies to Chief Afe Babalola

Let me seize this opportunity to once again send in my unreserved apology to the legal icon for my comments on his recent philanthropic engagements. The apology comes from the very bottom of my heart. Like I had said initially and also in several messages to Daddy, my language was inappropriate and as such I remain highly apologetic.

I was brought up well and would not wait for any prompting to send in my apologies if a man of your stature and age feels upset at me. I can never be right in that instance and I can never argue. My mother will wake up from her grave to knock me sir.

So, Daddy, I am on my knees as I plead, please don’t curse me o. Kai! Which kind problem be this o? May only blessings come out of your wise mouth on my matter, may only prayers of good come out of your mouth regarding me.

I am working with my sister, Bolanle Austen-Peters to secure an appointment to come to Ado Ekiti and lay on the floor and beg till you bless me o. I will not stand up till you say, Joseph you will be bigger than me, Joseph God will bless you and give you a long life like me; Joseph you will build more universities than I have built; Joseph you will marry more wives; and Joseph no small Ibibio boy will insult you.

Daddy, please don’t be angry again. I am truly very sorry. God bless you for us.