Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR

What’s Happening in SEC?

This is the question that has been on my mind and also on the mind of many market players. It’s just that if you have a licence and you are operating in the system, you cannot risk being too critical of a regulator that seems to have gone to sleep. Nothing concern me, they have sacked me tire and now, na play I dey write and there is nothing anybody can do to me.

The market is literally dead. Flat out with a very serious absence of any real regulation, or how do you explain the radio silence of the apex regulator to the shenanigans of two weeks ago.

A very handsome Yoruba man enters the market and in days walks home with billions while my brother Asuquo who had used part of his pensions to buy N700,000 worth of shares from the same company and in six years have only earned N50,000 as dividend, but yet the major shareholder is wearing million naira Tom Ford suits and shouting that Africa is in our hands.

This could only be possible with the kind of regulation that we have in the markets. So, you acquire the largest stake in a firm that is contributing over 40% to the national grid, has a huge hotel chain with land worth much more than the land the Buckingham Palace sits on and yet the share price lingers for over six years at N1.49k and we have regulators? Which kind regulator is that one na. Even the Oshodi garage ‘baba’ will kick out that operator who has not made returns in two days, let alone less than six years even in the face of muted profitability.

Our market today is bereft of any frenzied activity; that one is even wondering how brokers are surviving with the tiny things they make as fees. It is no wonder that most of them are now Uber drivers or ‘lesson’ teachers – coaching people for ICAN exams.

No IPOs, no exotic M&As, no massive trades. Before this ‘kalo kalo’ one that happenedtwo weeks ago, it was the Titan/Union Bank one and the MTN one and maybe something from Dangote that excited the market. The excitement is gone and the all-share index is as flat as a dying man’s heartbeat in the hospital. All of this is because the market has lost confidence. Serious players are delisting and major players no longer look towards it to raise capital, they prefer to pursue baba ‘Alajo’ or do ‘esusu’ instead of going into the market.

The SEC in my head is suffering from two things: mago mago and lack of capacity. But the level of impunity in the market can only be made possible by collusion. Rules are not obeyed; reports are not submitted periodically and magical trades are being carried out in the face of everybody. The second thing is a lack of capacity. Regulators who I can swear are still wondering what just happened last week, really do not understand the complex nature of say derivatives, or cannot spell crypto? Will now come and regulate?

My people, there is problem…

Akpabio and the Dilemma of a ‘Tribalist’

When it was very clear that the frontrunners for the highly revered senate presidency were Senators Orji Kalu and Goodswill Akpabio representing the South-east and South-south respectively, I sent out a Whatsapp broadcast saying rather than these two, let the position go to another region. For me, these two be like those people wey dem hang for cross beside our Lord Jesus Christ. Even though one repented and followed Jesus enter heaven, we cannot afford to take the risk of late-night repentance from any of these two after the eight years of pestilence and locust that we have just witnessed.

My people, come and see abuse as soon as the broadcast went out. “Edgar, you are not loyal, how can you not want the position for our region. What is wrong with Akpabio, are you not an Ibibio man,” they screamed. “Better don’t come to Akwa Ibom in a bit o. Shebi your candidate even lost the elections, don’t come. Akpabio is our son and we must support him.”

I am afraid I do not play my own politics like that o. The fact that we share the same heritage does not make him win my support and I will shout it well at the risk of being called a tribalist or enemy of the tribe. Las las, they won’t let me enter Akwa Ibom and go and eat the delicious afang at De Castle in Ewet Housing. Small sacrifice to make for national common sense.

I do not believe that Akpabio has the capacity, temerity and sincerity to play in that role, judging by his pedigree in office especially in his last role as minister of something. There was nothing in that last tenure that showed a serious approach to good governance or an ability to serve as the leader of a constitutionally sanctioned body that is expected to serve as a serious check on the expected robustness of an expansive Tinubu Presidency.

Now, whether we are from the same hamlet or not or if his great grandmother slept with my great grandfather does not in any way affect my thinking or my positioning on this matter and if our region cannot throw up a more credible candidate then let it go to Idumota.

Sadly, I am but a lone voice in the wilderness and what will be will be, shebi na this same Nigeria. We will continue to fasten our seat belts and be praying like hapless passengers in a plane going through turbulence, hoping for divine intervention because this is the only way we can get salvation in Nigeria of today. Na only God can help us as election no fit do am again. Na wa.

Gabriel Ogbechie on a Platform of Fire

You know this church platform used to invite a lot of credible speakers and they will say some very earth-shaking things. Their Platform series is so popular that I am of the firm belief that the series created the Peter Obi phenomenon.

This last series had my brother Gabriel Ogbechie on point. Gabriel, if you do not know, is one of Nigeria’s most gifted and astute businessmen and investors. At the risk of annoying him, he is one of the top five shareholders in First Bank of Nigeria, one of the major investors in Globus Bank and the major promoter of Rain Oil which is a multi-billion naira oil and gas concern that is employing thousands. Once you are a major employer of labour, you cannot do anything wrong in my eyes again.

Kai, Gabriel’s story is remarkable. I have heard that story and when he opened his Platform speech with “I ask myself, what else can I do that will give me my salary,” I just knew he would scatter the place.

The video clip of the speech has gone viral, with millions downloading and sharing. His story is inspirational, endearing and captivating with no single crooked naira inside the thing. Gabriel spoke extensively and you could feel his energy levels rise, the pride of a man who started from nothing and is now sitting at the top very conveniently and deservedly.

By the time Gabriel finished, there was no need to listen to any other speaker. I switched off. This is the Nigerian dream. This is the Nigerian story that we will sell to the world. Unvarnished, pure and intrinsically honest, laced with grit, confidence and a telling desire to succeed.

See my people, if Gabriel can succeed anybody who is not being chased by family bad luck can make it, I swear. Thank you, Platform, for giving us the Gabriel Ogbechie story in this undiluted mode.

As I dey go pursue investors for my own business, I dey watch the video to gather inspiration, the message was just too powerful. Seek for that speech and make it your own JFK speech, I tell you it was that powerful. Delta man, don kill me. Kai.

BGL: Rumblings of a Reboot

For those of you who do not know, BGL was that powerful investment house that came crashing. Its crash was spectacular and some have said its effects ultimately led to the passing of its charismatic promoter, the great Albert Okumagba.

BGL bestrode the investment banking space like a colossus. It galvanised and pushed some of the most strategic transactions that exited the capital market. It pushed the mergers and acquisition platforms with vigour that some of its achievements are still standing today. Dangote, Access Bank, Federal Palace, UBA are some of the very many that still stand today as testimony to its vibrant approach to investment banking.

Sadly, the colour and magic started fading as a result of many factors, some being a lack of understanding on the regulators side in working with a giant facing turbulent economic headwinds. Instead of the regulator to work with it the way we see them work with Goldman Sachs and Merryll in better places, the regulator was the one shouting “kill him.” Well, the company died and with it the vigour and passion of the market.

Happily, I am hearing that the giant is about to rise up again. Oh the phoenix is about to rise from its ashes and I am hearing that very strong efforts are being made to reclaim its licensees and begin the ever so exciting process of a rebirth.

I hear all hands are on deck, some of the key people although a little bit older are still around and with the positive vibe from an energetic and ready to do it alumni cluster, BGL will surely rise again.

We are ready. I don go dust up my bow-tie in readiness for the inevitable call up. The soldiers are ready, let’s do this. Albert will rise again. Yes.

Emir Sanusi: A Brewing Sand Storm

I had always known that this would happen. The stars were aligning and I could see from my vantage position that a recall would be very very possible and I will tell you why and how.

But first, let me recap the news if you have not heard. Kwankwaso has been reported to have said that the new Governor of Kano will revisit Khalifa Sanusi III’s dethronement. Now let me tell you why I knew that it would happen or at best that an attempt would be made o. Editor don’t vex o, let me mention my play small.

At the showing of ‘Emir Sanusi’ in Abuja, the Governor-elect of Kano was in attendance. He was very popular as the applause that welcomed him into the Hall was as resounding as that of Khalifa himself. He sat in front and was very far from Emir Sanusi. I thought he was Kwankwaso as he wore the red cap synonymous with that one.

So, I asked Maitama Sule- not the real one but his great grandson and he said noooooo, that is the next governor of Kano, he is extremely popular and he loves Khalifa to bits. Kai, no wonder when Khalifa was ready to give his speech, he blew the hall to bits. So immediately I heard that he had won the election. I just knew that something would happen.

Secondly, the injustice of the whole dethronement is just so clear. The balkanisation of an ancient empire into four with the appointments of ‘eaglet Emirs’ was too much of a slap on history, heritage and ancestry and I knew it would not last. Can never last.

My only fear is that they have gone to announce it too early and ‘enemies’ will start work now oooo. What is even wrong with this Kwankwaso? He should have waited until after the swearing-in and then the needful would be done. Anyway, truth always stands no matter what. I am excited.

Seyi Tinubu’s Exciting Preamble

Shebi you guys have seen the Bloomberg report where our paddy with the black face cap was said to have bought a multimillion-dollar edifice in London which was still under investigation. Well, me I cannot talk too much on the matter but to just fold my hand and be laughing. Shebi it is our turn. Our turn is the economic principle that we will run this our empire. It is our turn that is the ideology that will drive social cohesion and empowerment abi.

It is our turn o. What this tells us is that this ‘it is our turn’ matter did not only start at that Abeokuta declaration but has been our turn since 2015 or how do you explain this alleged 2017 transaction? The boldness to go into it, if it is true at the time that the new government of Buhari fresh from his 1983 war against indiscipline and with people being afraid that he will resume giving politicians 200-year prison sentences and this bobo just open eye do this thing? It’s not today that it has been their turn o. It has been their turn since 2015, me just dey laugh as the whole thing is unfolding.

This is just the preamble; the first scene in what promises to be an exciting journey for Nigerians. Na to go buy black face cap, grow my beards and fold hands and be watching the film. Na blockbuster.

Tinubu, White Witches and the Nigerian Air Force – Dance of the Macabre

There is a video report of the crash of the Hercules airplane belonging to the Nigerian Air Force which took the lives of hundreds of personnel. At the time, it was announced as the loss of a whole generation of soldiers and airmen.

The video took us through the rot that was the Nigerian Air Force. Corruption leading to a lack of maintenance culture down to indiscipline which even led to the death of house girls, side chicks and houseboys on the flight who had been smuggled in for a free trip to Kaduna.

If you watch that video, you will not only cry but curse our leaders. That plane was said to not have gone in for routine service for years. They kept managing it the way molue drivers manage their vehicles and when it happened, the Air Force had no rescue capability for almost a whole day.

It took Julius Berger and the Lagos State Government to rustle up some things and by that time, those that could have survived had died.

From my little knowledge of the Air Force, it is looking like things today are not very far from that time, at least we saw the passing of a whole Chief of Army staff through the same way and the multiple helicopter crashes of our dear beloved Vice President in the recent past.

So, it is no wonder that the white witches of Nigeria who cannot help us in the fight against terrorists and kidnappers and oil bunkerers are now offering to cover the Abuja skies in protection of President Emilokan.  Nothing we will not see and hear in this jankara we call Nigeria.

What is remaining is for the Air Force to form a joint patrol team with the white witches to cover the air skies as President Bula Balu welcomes a new Nigeria. So, as the swearing-in is going on, if you look up, you will see a MIG fighter jet fly past and the next thing you will see a witch from Agenebode or Uyo fly past too on her broom- make he no just wear underwear, na that one go really interest me.

While we are still at it, they should also send a contingent for the march past. As the Army, Navy and Police are filing past, the witches too will also float past. Them no they march, dem leg no dey touch ground, na to float.

Only in Nigeria, I swear. Only in Nigeria.

 Albert Ohams:  Cartoonist as a Social Critic

As a child I was enamoured by cartoonists. Sam Ajiboye of Sunday Times was my god. I devoured his cartoons like crazy not only for the graphics or images but for the punchy political messages that came in satirical beats. Then later I discovered Ohams whose massive cartoons for Vanguard and The Sun created tremors in the space. Much later, people like Asukwo began to light the space.

The cartoonist is one very influential and critical part of the fight for an egalitarian society. He fights with his brush strokes and people like Albert are the Picasso of that world. His cartoons send very strong messages, educate and entertain but most of all the cartoons give him a space on the perch of democratic hero’s. If you don’t have one of Albert or Asukwo’s works hanging in your living room, you never start. Well done my egbon, when are we coming to the studio?

 Tiwa Savage Doing Us Proud

 From the ashes of an infamous sex tape to singing to the most powerful modern-day king in the world is the trajectory of this beautiful singer. Shebi I have been shouting how much of a crush I have on her and she is ignoring me. It is now that I know why, so na King Charles, Tiwa dey target. Ok ooo.

Seriously, when the infamous sex tape came out, I fell in love with her. Wait, not what you guys think with your funny dirty minds o. I didn’t even look at the tape o, I only peeped small.

My admiration was the way she came out. She boldly preempted the idiot. Rather than fall to the blackmailing antics of the fool, she announced boldly that somebody has a tape of me and my boyfriend and is trying to blackmail me. That was bold. Truly, the fool released and she rode the storm like the queen that she is and finally even released a track on it.

It is no wonder that her confidence and elegance has now pushed her to be selected among a litany of global stars to perform at this very auspicious event. Well done my baby, well done to the most beautifully made Nigerian female.

I remain her number one fan and wish her well as she sings to the king. Make she no go do too sexy o and be distracting king that day o. Me I dey here for Shomolu begging to be distracted o. Leave King alone, he don old. Brilliant Tiwa, well done.

 Annie Essienette: A Beauty of ‘Diasporan’ Proportions

Annie is the hardworking Head of Corporate Communications in the wave making Ibom Air, one of Nigeria’s favourite airlines. Remember the afang being served on board- thingy, it was her team that came up with that April fool gambit which went viral.

Her brilliance and hard work shows with the right image positioning of Ibom Air and this is why I want to steal this opportunity to wish the African beauty a happy birthday. Happy birthday, adiagha.