FAREWELL, VICTORIA NNEKA CHIDOKA

 Pat Onukwuli pays tribute to Deaconess Victoria,

 Matriarch of the Chidoka family 

It is said that losing a mother is one of the deepest sorrows a heart can know and the most profound and life-changing experience that anyone can go through. This is perhaps a fair assessment going by what pain concentrates the heart at a death of a mother. And it is not yet proven that anybody who has not lost a mother can claim knowledge of its pain-wracking experience.

One of the most difficult aspects of losing a mother is the sense of forfeiting a dependable source of unconditional love and support. Mothers are often our first and most constant source of comfort, guidance, and encouragement throughout our lives. Losing that can leave us feeling lost and adrift. Whether they are lost at a young age or a relatively old one, the experience is not healthy. It comes with intense sorrow. Like any other death, the grief of losing a mother comes in stages. It graduates from instant agony to momentary relief and finally to an abiding sense of loss that hardly goes away.

Chief Osita Chidoka affirmed that his mother, Deaconess Victoria Nneka Chidoka (Nee Nzelu) sadly passed onto higher glory on April 3 at the age of 75. “Mama Osi, as she is fondly called, passed peacefully surrounded by family and our loving thoughts as she came to the end of her courageous battle with health issues”. The death of the Deaconess is not any different from the pains a mother’s death inflicts. However, it might be more intense for the simple reason that she was not only a doting mother who sacrificed a lot to ensure her children are responsible people in society, but was also a mother to many on the wrong side of life. She lived a life of charity and was thoughtful most of the time.

At no time in her entire life did this genial amazon live solely for herself. She was a true materfamilias and personified a genuine matron. She would go beyond her immediate family and was forever looking out for her neighbour in need. A dedicated Christian of the Anglican faith, she did not forget her God. She spent most of her life in service of God and humanity having realised early that life is incomplete without God. She worked hard and yielded her services to the church. In time, she was made a deaconess and was to assist the priest in her church.

Born Victoria Nneka Nzelu to the Nzelu family of Oraifite, Ekwusigo Local Government Area, Anambra State, in 1948, she married Ogbueshi Ben Ejikeme Chidoka of Ire Obosi. The marriage was blessed with five children, four men and one woman prominent among which were former Corps Marshal and Aviation Minister Chief Osita Chidoka and member representing Idemili North and South Federal Constituency in the House of Representatives, Hon. Obinna Chidoka. A trained teacher, Mama Osi taught in many schools both in Lagos and Enugu and did her utmost to inculcate discipline in her children as well as her wards. What she stood for- her investment in human capital development may not easily be quantified.

Mama Osi was a woman of courage who worked hard to complement her husband’s efforts in ensuring that life became a good deal more comfortable for the family. Although she exuded strength and self-sufficiency which helped in no small measure in the growth of her family as is obvious in the successes of her children, she was seldom in evidence. She kept a low profile that was almost self-effacing all through and lived an accomplished life without regrets. Despite health issues, she did not depart this life without care and attention. Seventy-five would be considered a blessing in this part of the world where precarious living condition daily stifles life and causes it to wither. But more than that, she was lucky to be alive to witness her children rise to positions – an uncommon blessing many prayed for, but only very few have the grace to witness.

Deaconess embodied total motherhood and acquitted herself well in life. She was selfless, putting the needs and interests of their children before her own. She was patient, compassionate, and loving, and provided emotional and physical support for her children to the very end. She nurtured and supported her children in an environment where they were all able to thrive and metamorphose into responsible adults. She may have died at a time when her children needed her motherly advice, but to continue to indulge the grief of her passing will be, in the words of Benjamin Disraeli, British Prime Minister in the mid-Victorian period of anti-imperialism, the blunder of a life. She ran a good race and left a worthy legacy that commends itself to posterity.

On the constructive side, the loss of a mother is a reminder of the preciousness of life and the importance of cherishing our loved ones while we have them. Despite the solemn and sombre reality of losing a mother, it can be a stimulus for spiritual growth and self-discovery. It can force us to confront our mortality and also inspire us to reflect on the lessons and values that our mothers imbued in us. While the pain of their passage never truly goes away, it can offer an opportunity to move forward and honour their memory in our lives.

Deaconess accomplished so much and should depart in glory. So far the volume of condolence messages generated is a testimony to the lives she touched as well as that of her children. After all, she gave Nigeria Osita Chidoka who apart from his optimal and excellent political and civil service, is an advocate for road safety, youth development, and nation-building as well as a vocal commentator on Nigerian politics and has been recognised for his numerous contributions to public service and leadership.

Therefore, it promises to be a celebration of life at Obosi on Friday, May 12, 2023, when friends and well-wishers converge to bid her farewell. As she journeys to her resting abode, may the Chidoka family be comforted by the promise of eternity with the Father to which His mercy admits her.

 Onukwuli PhD, writes from Bolton, UK