Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR

Remi, Folashade, Seyi: Meet the Tinubus

When he emerged, what we got was not just a President but ‘presidents.’ We really don’t know the wahala we have entered o. So, for the first time in the history of our nation we will now have a core power base and other anchor power outlets led by these three.

Remi today is the most accomplished First Lady ever. She has worked very hard at attaining very critical positioning in the system. A sitting third-term senator with a strong grasp of power and a clear understanding of influence. She will not be like her predecessors who were better off doing those soft things like visiting orphanages and disturbing Nigerians over rumours that their husbands wanted to marry a new wife.

This our own new first lady is a first lady of timber and calibre. You can already see her seated firmly with the President and the Vice President complete with her ADC at meetings with NNPC and CBN bosses, discussing this fuel matter. She will not be pushed to the sideline and Nigerians had better wake up to the reality of a Remi Tinubu in the seat of power. It is looking like we have finally gotten a first lady that we truly deserve. A no-nonsense one, with sense and purpose. She will put mouth in everything and make sure she gets her way. The cabal will start and end with her.

Now the comical one emerges. A few days after the swearing in, reports emerged everywhere of Nigeria now getting a new Iyaloja of the Federation. I laughed and nearly pee for body. This one will now come with a motorcade and siren o. Her picture will now be at the entrance of every market nationwide and every trader will have no choice than to recite the national pledge every morning, facing her official portrait before they start the business of the day.

Make no fool of yourselves and be looking down at our First Daughter. She is as influential as they come. Very powerful, a grassroots mobilizer and very strategic. She will be doing her Iyaloja things very far away from Remi because any attempt to fly near there na chicken suya we go see our Iyaloja turn into.

Seyi is the third in the tripod. As we were voting for papa, we were also voting for pikin, mama and sister. Seyi has over the years carefully built businesses, leveraging on his status, pushed into youth mobilisation and has kept a level head. I follow him on IG and can see that he has tried to send a signal of humility always going around with the black face cap and beard, cutting the image of a Marxist. But he remains one of the greatest capitalists in the country, controlling swaths of strategic economic sectors in Lagos. The belief is that this would be extended nationwide if not globally with the bigger mandate he now has. During the elections, he played his own role very well. Flew around, joined and organised rallies, had meetings, worked on youths leveraging on his influence over celebrities and generally was a soft power.

Seyi is the first son and will be a very powerful first son too. His picture will also adorn offices and we will also be reciting the national pledge as we stare at his portrait.

Nigeria, welcome the new Royal Family. Na God hand we dey now.

NLC, Subsidy and Other Small Stories

Fuel subsidy is gone. That was the newly manufactured President in his inaugural speech. He didn’t even get home to bathe and order his favourite amala after the ceremonies that Nigerians did their usual thing. Immediately marketers entered their hoarding mode and queues started pulling up.

By Monday, President Tinubu had entered the dubious record books of being the very first President to start his first working day with a major crisis in his hands. Queues for fuel, 600% jump in transport fares and its concomitant negative effect on transportation and foodstuff costs.

Funnily, all the three major contestants for the Presidency had at some point or the other stated very clearly that they will take out the ‘evil’ subsidy. Even me, as I sit down here, I support the thing sha. So, the noise that is coming out of the whole matter is one kind in my eye.

As we resume our national pastime of analysing and discussing and fighting over fuel subsidy, NLC jump in with their usual mumu talk. Ohhhh this is a blow against the Nigerian people —  they screamed. How can you disrespect the NLC like this, they continued? Why were we not consulted, why do this without palliatives? They whined like a baby that had just had a nipple yanked off their mouth.

For me, these NLC people will continue to be an irritating distraction on this matter. We do not need a horde of people who have passed their sell-by dates to be pulling us over the place as we attempt to look very critically at this matter.

The subsidy is a huge drain. We can no longer afford it and it must go. But in going, can we afford a free float in petroleum pricing? I have been told by industry insiders that the true landing cost of PMS is above N500. By the time you add other associated costs including distribution we may be retailing at over N600.

So, the effect on the man on the street, small business and the general economy will be devastating. But then again at about 60 million daily usage but a subsidy regiment of about 100 million with the excess being smuggled out, we have to calm down and critically look at this thing without the irritation of an emotional NLC.

Furthermore, we have not talked about the issue of deregulation. Are we removing subsidy and deregulating or are we still going to cap pricing? Are we going to open the space and democratise the operations?  Are we going to take in more players and then strengthen regulation? Should NNPC or whatever government body still be a sole player? These and many more questions need to be answered.

Then very importantly, are we going to look at reforms? Blocking the leakages within the system so that the money we are saving from this removal will not disappear somewhere else and create a new set of billionaires.

We need less government; we need full deregulation. We must allow for demand and supply to find its equilibrium without the bottlenecks that government inefficiency brings to the table. But much more importantly, we need a government that will take a robust over the top look at all of the ramifications of this matter in reaching a consensus that will attempt to benefit all sides.

This is where NLC in its configuration or membership cannot play. How many Nigerian workers do they really represent? Let’s be truthful. Majority of workers do not even earn a living on platforms under their torn umbrella. Do they even understand the issues, if not that the fuel thing is biting even me, I would have laughed at that their statement? Going to quote Tinubu of yesteryears on the issue is what na?  I don’t understand, so someone cannot look at a matter and make a strategic U-turn if he now sees better facts or has a better outlook?

Mbok NLC should ‘geraway’, like we say it in Shomolu. Thank you.

Dauda Lawal: A Trillionaire in Power

Ok, I have looked for this news item in ‘serious’ media outlets but I no see. The news however is everywhere that this ‘bobo’ has declared about N9 trillion in assets and cash. This is the new Governor of Zamfara State. Someone screamed that he is richer than Dangote. That is a pipe dream because what I have seen is that in dollars that is only $2 billion which is chicken change where me and Dangote are sitting.

So immediately I saw the report, I did a quick background check on him and saw that up until recently he was a staff of First Bank of Nigeria and only just got elevated into the Board from where he left to set up an asset management firm where he was said to be managing assets for people with his partners.

If this news report is fact, then Zamfara State is in for a very powerful ride. Kai! All baba needs to do is cede just 10% of his huge wealth to the state and stop wailing that his predecessor left an empty treasury. Who will leave full treasury with this kind money that you are commanding?

You see now, my state of Akwa Ibom will not look for this kind person to be Governor ooo, it is per hour hotel owner that we went to go and elect who has now come to declare happy hour for us. Abi.

Congratulations my brother and much more importantly, congratulations Zamfara State, your governor will replace fuel subsidy from his pocket. No more tears there abeg. Kai. N9 trillion? I don die.

Prof Pat Utomi: A Principled Dilemma

I will pick my words. You know you and only two other people have ever written a rejoinder on my write ups. So, I will really take my time to choose my words as I write to you this morning as I no get power for rejoinder. In fact, I am typing very slowly so that I don’t make any mistakes.

Oya, here it goes. I am hearing on the Duke summit that you are baba’s ‘son’ and as such you might be getting an appointment in a government of ‘national’ something. Like I said, I am typing very slowly and choosing my words. My heart is pounding and my chest is shaking. I am sure my BP is rising, but I will still talk.

If this is true, you must as a matter of principle reject the appointment. Do not worry, if Nigeria didn’t collapse during Buhari’s eight years, nothing go do us. If we do not have you on the economic team, or in any position, it cannot worse pass this. Afterall condom is now N1,500. By next week, it will reach N3,000 the way we are going.

You were, and to the best of my knowledge of the Labour Party. A presidential aspirant I suppose, and who I hear stepped down for Peter Obi and provided a very strong bulwark for his campaign and a moral compass.

Obi is in court challenging the elections, let us even wait to see the outcome of that one before we accept appointment. If you accept any appointment in this government, you will be giving Obi a mortal moral blow like Kingibe did to MKO and lost relevance.

Like I stated, all I have heard is gist and if it is not true, please ignore me and don send rejoinder o. But if it is true, please use church mind and handle this my talk. Thank you sir, I apologise in advance.

Rahmon Adedoyin: A Wicked Way to Die

When the story hit, it was gruesome. A postgraduate student in Ife going to write his exams checked into a hotel and was killed. The man had done nothing wrong but to try to help himself and better his life in a bid to contribute more to this country and lost his life in such a hurried way in the process.

Kai! I was weak and actually cried o. I really cried o. Why would anybody do this? Then it got more interesting. The proprietor of the hotel and a well-known and prominent citizen was implicated and arrested. He was the founder of the Oduduwa University in Osun State. The other day, on my way to Ekiti to beg Aare Afe Babalola, I stopped opposite the university to eat amala and goat meat.

He was found guilty for the wicked crime and sentenced to death by hanging with his accomplice. The receptionist was also sentenced to two years in prison. I don’t even know how to interpret this one. Ritual killing for money? For position? Why would you take a life for any reason? Why would you take lives for what we have heard, there are plenty of lives lost in this sad tale?

As I watched him in court as his sentence was pronounced, I didn’t even feel pity, which was strange as I do not support the death penalty. But this one, a student, for what? I cannot even cry as I am filled with anger and raw hatred for this man. Kai.

Yeni Kuti: God Bless You

I have entered this matter again and the reason is simple. Segun Adefila and Okwechime are still abusing me o. Remember that I had written something on Fela and Seun and the whole Lagos stood up to abuse me. Even Efe, who I have not seen in 20 years, looked for my number and called me and said, “oh boy come and see how dem finish you for one Whatsapp group.”

All these people crying more than the bereaved just tire me, I swear. So, I had said, let’s leave the musical and artistic genius of Fela and look at the dark underside. What kind of a father was he? What kind of parental upbringing did Seun have for such a rampage? Can we gently look at the generational contempt for authority from grandmother to father to son? That is all I said o and dem come expose my ‘craw craw’ yansh all over the place.

The next minute, Yeni Kuti, his first daughter came out in an interview to say, “Fela was not a good father. He called us useless children.” I shouted eureka! See all these people crying more than the bereaved. The real owner of the papa has come out to say what she really feels and knows.

I am sure if you call my children now and say, your dad is an evil genius, he is known worldwide for eating afang and abusing people on newspaper pages, what kind of father was he?  The answer you will get will make you come and slap me, I swear.

Nobody is doubting Fela’s genius. So that one that Mrs Dawodu came at me and said “how dare you tarnish Fela, who are you?” That one no count. I respect Fela, I bow to his genius but what kind of a father was he? What role did his parental genius play in that tirade we all saw on the bridge. Abeg hungry don catch me. I don go. Thank you.

MC Oluomo: I Feel Your Power

Shebi they started abusing me again when I released my picture with MC Oluomo. I had met him at the inauguration and felt that I should at least take a picture with him. Immediately I sent out the pictures, they started o. “Edgar, how can you? Edgar, a man that you abused during the elections? Edgar, I am ashamed of you. Edgar, this is not good for your brand.” My brother – I no go call him name — called me and gave me a good blocking.

Then fuel scarcity hit. I drove to Fadeyi and the place was like a madhouse. Kai! I sent for the CSO of the filling station and said, see I am from MC, see my picture, immediately they took me into the station. Gave me coke to drink and with diplomatic alacrity, my tank was filled. Th

Please let me quickly seize this opportunity to congratulate my son Joseph Olusola Edgar, on his recent graduation from the Savannah College of Arts in Georgia. I praise the Lord who gave us the strength on this four-year journey for it was not easy.

I also would like to thank the First Daughter -Chantal – who gladly left her studies in the UK to represent me and her mother at the graduation ceremony as a result of our inability to secure dates at the embassy, let alone visa.

I just hope say I no dey visa ban list. Kai! God is wonderful. Thanks.

ey gave me their numbers and begged me to kindly tell baba that “emi CSO ni Fadeyi ni o.” I said don’t worry ‘ma so fun’. Mbok till queues disappear, MC na my baba o. Make una no vex. Thank you.