THE SIGNIFICANCE OF A FATHER’S INFLUENCE

  A fathered life is a better life, writes

Kayode Solomon Ojewale

 I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom. – Umberto Eco (1932-2016), Italian Medievalist and Philosopher 

Little or no attention is usually paid to the commemoration of Father’s Day, which comes up every third Sunday in June every year. Reason is not farfetched – the roles of fathers in the life of a child and in the society at large are underestimated. Most people assume that all that is expected of a father in a family is to cater for their needs. No! This is completely untrue. In most studied cultures, fathers are assumed to play only the role of a provider. Whereas, a true father plays two more roles apart from being a provider, he is also a protector and disciplinarian. It is not to say that mothers are not functional in these roles but the fathers are usually noted for these roles. Let it be noted that mothers could do as much as the fathers also.

Fatherhood isn’t just a mere status one attains, it comes with responsibilities, obligations and selfless sacrifices. Parenting as a father is characterised by sacrificial duties. Sacrifice becomes an integrated phase of a father’s life. To a good father, his personal life needs take the backseat while the child’s, the front seat. A perfect epitome of a responsible life is that of a good father.

 The paternal bond between a father and the child demands that the father provides unflinching care and constant sacrifices. A father is not just a male who begets a child, there is more to who a father is in the life of everyone. A father is not just the male parent of a child, he is the mentor of that child. He coaches his child in a fatherly manner leaving indelible marks in the mind of that child. The child looks up to his father to provide a feeling of security and confidence. A father talks less and acts more. He leads the way by acting what he professes. He may not always declare his love for the family all the time but he shows it always.

Not every good man is a good father, but every good father passes for a good man. Good father in this context means a man who displays desirable character for their children. A responsible father constantly reminds their children of the consequences of their actions later in life as he disciplines them calmly and lovingly. Whether the children realize this or not – good fathers are role models to their children.

We cannot overemphasize the role a paternal presence plays in the life of a child as a father’s impacts outlive their existence. A research once revealed that people with actively involved father figures in their lives during childhood are more likely to have a strong lasting marriage. People without father figures in their lives may likely have difficulty in having an influential role model and developing some true values of life. A child from a father-absent home may have trouble in his academics and eventually drop out from school. Father figures here, refer to biological, adoptive, or step-father. A father builds and leaves legacies. He wears himself out to enrich the child in wisdom and knowledge. This portrays the teaching skill nature bestows on fathers. It is the father-effect a child has that determines how well his father impacted him.

One cannot under-estimate the involvement of a father in the cognitive skills development of a child in his early and middle ages. At these stages of life, the child builds with the assistance and guidance of the father the skills that will help him perform tasks associated with judgment, intuition, perception, awareness and reasoning. The father can only achieve these tasks with the child via availability, accessibility, engagement and involvement.

A father is the first teacher who gives his growing child an insight into the world of men. He is the first to instruct the child with directives and order. He shares with the child life’s lessons in simple and understandable ways. A child grows to learn at his father’s feet.

Indeed, a father forms an important pillar in the development of child’s emotional and physical well-being. Good fathering is an investment that will not only benefit the family but the society at large. The returns from a well fathered life are enormous because such life has been prepared for challenges ahead. Irresponsible fathers could be relegated to mere sperm donors but responsible fathers are the bedrock of the family.

It may then be safe to say that, a fathered life is a better life.

In all, good parenting will shape the life of a child and launch him on the right track to live a life of his own. What a child sees his parents do strongly steers him into adulthood, so the onus lies on the parents, not just on the father alone.

Good fathers deserve to be commended and celebrated for all that they do for their families. This piece is dedicated to all fathers who are still around and alive out there, to the waiting and potential ones and lastly, to those who are no more.

Ojewale, of the Public Affairs and Enlightenment Department of LASTMA, writes via kayodeojewale@gmail.com