Loud Whispers

President Tinubu as a Name Dropper

I have been waiting for this very secretly. Our President is an expert in name dropping. A lot of you have forgotten that one of the very first things he did as Governor of Lagos State was to rename streets. Just like now, some people were in court challenging his Chicago journeys, and Johnny wey just come is not even bothered, instead he took a drive to Oyingbo and looked at the road and said, “I proclaim thee, Moshood Abiola Road.” He didn’t end there o. He also went to Kingsway Road and traffic catch am there, in anger he shouted in Yoruba, “I proclaim thee Alfred Rewane road.”

People were surprised and a lot resisted for whatever reasons, Baba stood his ground and the roads were all renamed with brand new signposts. Today, the original names have come back as I cannot remember anybody asking me to meet them up at the “Ikoyi Registry on Rewane Road….”  It is usually meet me at the registry, the one on Kingsway Road.

So, this should make Chief Obasanjo calm down. I have looked at the list and his name is conspicuously absent. Meaning that President Tinubu is being petty o. 15 names, and a war hero, farmer and letter writer is missing? Even if we do not have enough airports to cover his name, we for at least look for one fountain in Ekiti to name after Baba. This is not good o.

Anyway, it is a good move immortalising prominent Nigerians for their efforts and contributions to the country. The only other snag after leaving out Obasanjo, is Buhari. You for wait small for the Naira to come down to at least N200 and we repair some other things wey he spoil before we put his name abeg.

Putting his name on the same list as that of Uthman Dan Fodio leaves one kind of taste in my mouth. Like sour afang. Kai!

Davido as Father of Nations

As I write, women from all over the world are ringing in with stories of pregnancies. Our US and Ede-born superstar apart from being very prolific in music is looking like he is chasing the world record set in place by the “abami eda” himself who married 27 in one day.

As we speak, an American went on record to do a pregnancy test and came out with a positive result and screamed – Davido. As we were still struggling with that one, another French lady also came out with the stinker, that she thought she was the only one with a pregnancy for golden boy.

If you now consider the fact that there are rumours that his wife the very patient Chioma is also pregnant then you begin to see the proficiency of Davido in these things.

Anyways, let me send a very serious message to the superstar as an egbon. All these talks of pregnancy here and there portend to one thing – unprotected sex. In this crazy world, someone is going around the nooks and crannies of the globe without protection? That to me is the zaniest of it all. He is not only exposing himself but also his long suffering wife who had dropped out of school to follow him up and down.

Someone should please talk some serious sense into this boy about the dangers of sleeping with these people unprotected. I even heard that the American one is a porn star. His uncle should calm down from too much dancing and struggling at the prayer ground and sit his nephew down and talk sense into his head.

Secondly, it’s like our superstar have not heard of R.Kelly and Bill Cosby and their travails with these kinds of women o. All they need to do is shout rape o. They don’t even need to know how to spell the word, before the whole of America will come after him.

At that point, he would need to run and go and hide in the Osun grove and hope that he gets protection from any of the highly respected deities. But why go and disturb the gods when you can at least give yourself some sense and zip up and where you cannot zip up, unzip with sense and caution. A word is enough for the wise….

Kai, different strokes, while some of us are here struggling with power failure, this boy is everywhere shooting like a Russian Wagner troop. Kai, life.

Samuel Ortom Didn’t Do Well at All

Wait oo. So all the time this oga was dancing all over the country with Makinde and Wike, he was not paying salary? So, he even had money to be sewing costumes with Wike, shamelessly going to help Wike commission projects and yet he was owing as much as seven months salaries to his people?

I didn’t know o, I would have been yabbing him and calling on him until he did the right thing. As an entrepreneur who had owed salaries before, I used to be very cautious when it comes to abusing people who owe salaries. This is because I know that when the company is not making money, it will be difficult to pay but employees will not understand. But the ease with which the new governor has paid and even promised to pay June salary is making me wonder what kind of wickedness was forged on the good people of Benue in the last four years.

My major annoyance is that this person was a stringent critic of Buhari who was paying salaries o. See person wey dey owe seven months salaries dey abuse person wey dey pay salary. If you ask him now o, he will say it’s Fulani herdsmen o. No wonder those ones been dey pursue am all over the place.

Thank you, so much Reverend new Governor, and may your communion bread never finish and may your communion wine never dry up in the name of the Lord. Thank you so much.

Fashola: Happy Birthday Inspector Gadget

Let me quickly send my greetings to one of my favourite persons ever. Chief, Doctor, Elder, Raji Fashola who turned 60 during the week. We all remember his investigative skills, when in one second, he found critical evidence at the tollgate in Lekki. Something the CIA, KGB and the Nigerian Red Cross tried for over one year and could not solve. Baba just dropped from his car and walked towards the spot and shouted in Yoruba “owun re.”

Fashola remains one of the most enigmatic leaders in the country. His performance as the Lagos State Governor has created a benchmark in which gubernatorial assessments are made nationwide. His work as Minister of Works and the other portfolios – abeg I no fit remember, also achieved many milestones including the bridge over the River Niger, among others.  Happy birthday Sir, and may your gray hair never see sorrow. God bless you. Where is the party o?

Tosin Otitoju: A Hidden Gem

In my many waka, I have met a lot of incredible people but none as massively brilliant as this shy and sweet lady from Ekiti. Graduated summa cum laude from Howard University and with a perfect score from the California Institute of Technology (Caltech), this 42-year-old single lady has the brain power that if effectively engaged and empowered could begin to generate a new wave of knowledge economy which is driving countries like India.

Her academic laurels dwarf even those of a Nobel Laureate. In 1996 she got the best WAEC result in the whole of West Africa and was the first Ekiti indigene to be celebrated. She won the very prestigious Poincare Fellowship, a fellowship that is reserved only for geniuses at the level of Einstein. She also won the Chrysler Certificate of achievement and the NASA certificate too.

She has lectured at the Universities of Lagos and Bells in advanced level structured mathematics and something dynamics apart from doing very critical work for the Lagos State Government with a strong letter of commendation from them.

The knowledge economy is what some other countries are using to capture the world. We have a huge and nascent knowledge industry with the way our people are taking over critical sectors like medicine, engineering and entertainment all over the world. The need for us to engage and put structures around it to ensure massive national benefits has become very critical and this is why people like Tosin must be harnessed. Simple.

Jerry Okorodudu: Sad Ending, New Beginning

Celebrated boxer has just been reported to have passed. He was owing N600,000 in unpaid medical bills and his corpse at the time of writing had been seized. Now, before we start shouting government, let us realise that the government cannot be held responsible for the sad stories that come out from the stables of our veteran heroes.

We must realise that these sports superstars make in one year at their peak the kind of money that 100 million Nigerians in poverty will never make in 600 lifetimes. So, years of high living will lead to consequences and we will now be shouting government.

The footballers’ own is the most annoying. The match winning bonuses for one match can complete a small clinic in a rural area and they will now go on hedonistic living and after that, they will shout government.

I am sorry, I am using Jerry’s passing as a trigger point but an Olympic hero? World famous boxer? N600,000 unpaid medical bill? Something is wrong somewhere and it is definitely not with the government.

Insurance, pensions, wealth management? Sports, music and indeed all Nigerians get a financial adviser NOW.