Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR
Joke ‘Nightingale’ Silva: My Kind of Woman
One of my fears for growing old is how I will be treated in my weak and vulnerable state as I grow older. One wise man at the golf section of the Ikoyi Club had told me one day – Edgar, get a new young wife as you get older. Remove your mind from the fact that she will cheat, at least she will not carry years of grudge against you as you grow weak and need absolute care from your partner.
This theory however has been blown to bits by my elder sister and favourite thespian, Mummy Joke Silva. The way she has been taking care of Uncle in his moments of need as occasioned by his debilitating condition has put a lie to the assertion that our women can be “wicked” to their men in old age.
Aunty has shown commendable love. She has been very brilliant in her love and care of her husband as he grows through the ravaging illness. In an interview recently, she asserted that the man she married is no longer there but that she still loves him maximally and will continue to stand by him.
What else can a man in the twilight of a glorious life hope for. This is what some of us are praying for and Aunty Joke should be a shining example for womanhood.
Well-done Aunty, I just felt I should send this shout out to you in praise and utter maximum respect for what you do for Uncle. God will mightily bless you; He will stand by you and give you the continued courage and strength to be the pillar that you are to him and may he allow your sons to marry women like you o. Very important.
Mbok, where can I send you big juicy bowl of afang? Send me address abeg. I don’t want to send it to Glover Hall before Soji will now go and chop the thing and tell you story. Well-done Mummy.
KWAM 1 vs Subomi Balogun: I Remain in Stoic Silence
Taju came at me with anger, very unlike him. Tope Fasua immediately joined and for once I was pushed to a corner, too scared to fight back so I remained in stoic silence. What led to the verbal bullying of the great Duke of Shomolu?
It was the amazing announcement, even before the great Otunba Balogun was laid to rest, of the bestowing of one of his titles to the famous and obviously very popular fuji exponent, Kwam 1 by the highly respected Awujale of Ijebu land.
My people, I had very colourful things to say about this matter and said it o. The attack was almost immediate. “Duke why don’t you mind your business,” “Duke what really concerns you in this matter,” “Are you Ijebu?” “Why not just shut up or go back to Akwa Ibom and complain about the chieftaincy titles there?”
Na so me I decided to keep my mouth shut o. After all, like they have said, am I Ijebu? The closest that I have ever come to being Ijebu is dating one or two Ijebu beauties – they have some fine women though. Beyond that, I am very far from Ijebu and as such they can decide to do anything with their titles. It is really their prerogative.
After all, if you look at the National Awards list, you will see different kinds of people collecting the honours. Shebi one person even “wear lipstick” go collect award, almost giving former President Buhari cardiac arrest.
My people, the only thing I will say is that Ijebu people will not find a more distinguished and elegant person like the late Balogun. It will not happen in years. A man of such impeccable character, a man of style, a man of high integrity, a man who took that title, this same title to the very heights of international allure, a man who did not joke with that title, a man who gave Nigeria investment banking, a devout man and a brilliant and good man.
It will take centuries for this type of man to reemerge not only in Ijebu land but in the world, and as such the Ijebus can decide to honour or remember him in any way that they want to. It is really their prerogative, wetin concern me. I don keep quiet. Thank you. No comment.
European Union’s Penetrative Blast
Did I just see a picture of the INEC Chairman posing with a representative of the European Union, holding the same report that could push him into the record books of electoral infamy? Don’t let me say anything just yet because, for all you know, the picture could have been doctored.
But what was definitely not doctored were the contents of the report. Mbok, the report finish the election and its organisers o. It just carried the whole exercise and used it to wipe a baby’s vomit. The elections, according to them, was nothing more than a show of shame.
The government as expected has risen up against the report in a vain attempt to rubbish it, failing very woefully because we all were living witnesses to what transpired during that fiasco called elections.
Me, I don’t want to rehash the trauma Nigerians went through in that scam called elections but to absolutely thank the EU for having the courage to throw up this report. The elections have thrown up all sorts of journey men into positions of power nationwide. People with huge investigations over their necks are now presiding over institutions that have the constitutional mandate to appoint the heads of institutions investigating them. That is the folly in which we find ourselves in this country.
This report may not have its desired end game as the pervasive nature of entrenched corruption will wrestle it down, the fact still remains that the point has been made about the elections and the point is very clear- it was really a “funny” kind of thing. Na wa o.
Dele Alake as a Brilliant Strategist
I don’t like him but I admire him. Nigerians must begin to understand some things. When I announced that I was going to write a book on President Tinubu, some like Stan tore their clothes and poured sand on themselves in rage. Others like Wole called in to say, “shebi I told you, you will come around.” These are people JAMB should go back and check their results.
The fact that I have a position does not mean that I cannot admire their brilliance. It’s like Mr. Alake, he is quite a brilliant strategist who goes about his work with the brilliance of a Chukwumerije – remember him?
Dele, in short, has moved presidential spokesmanship away from Mr. Femi Adesina’s “God will punish una” style to a much more refined and controlled narrative.
See his comeback at the EU report. He dropped statistics that almost belittled the report. In fact, if most of us did not witness the thing live, we can go and slap that person who wrote that report. Saying that they covered less than 1,000 polling stations out of the over 700,000 in reaching their conclusions, was a masterstroke in public propaganda.
This Alake man sure knows his audience, no wonder Asiwaju brought him back after their “fight.” Yes o, I heard they had a bad fight and the guy “japa.” But Baba knowing that with the kind of baggage he would be carrying into the elections and in government would need a refined and experienced strategist, sent people to go and beg sugar mouth to come back o.
See the good work he is doing in positioning and repositioning this “product.” Anybody that can sell this “Tinubu” cannot only sell ice to Eskimos, he can even collect their wives. I swear. Well done bro. This does not mean I like you, but well done.
Ladi Adebutu: A Lion in the Mix
One of the most intriguing things in life is that you don’t get to choose your enemies. Otherwise, Dapo Abiodun the Governor of Ogun State would definitely not choose the scion of the Adebutu family as enemy.
Despite a court case on his neck, that if not properly handled could lead him to a long jail term, he is still on the field fighting and tearing the governor into shreds. Me, I fear and respect these kinds of opponents o.
Kai! If you read his latest statement on the Ogun situation, you will pity Mr. Abiodun o. He stated how his family have supported him and how the people of Ogun have rejected him and how all his travails have been a machination of the governor in a vain attempt at winning at the tribunal where the election is being contested.
This Ladi has been on this Ogun governorship thing ever since Abiodun was selling fuel at VGC and trying to run a nightclub somewhere in Ikoyi. So, it is not today o for Ladi. Be like there is something in that Government House that is pulling him.
Anyways, the movie never end. I have grabbed my popcorn and I strongly suggest that you guys should do the same, because something tells me that this is going to be a very exciting movie. Kai!
The Ekiti Book of World Records
Please make una no laugh o. I have new friends in Ekiti. From the gentleman governor, to the Baba Afe who asked me to cut my hair before meeting with him, to my sister Adeola who is the Special Adviser on Trade and Investments and my brother Niran Olotana, the tax guy and finally Prof Bakare Ojo who is renowned, so don’t show them this write up o. Na beg.
But seriously, the fixation of Ekiti people with the Guinness Book of World records since my sister, Hilda Baci, broke into their hall of fame has been making me laugh and peeing myself all through.
First, it was one person calling herself Chef Dami. She announced that she was going for Hilda’s record. She started cooking “dundun” and “boli” and started walking around with security and making a lot of funny noise in the media.
Her joke sparked another attempt. Not sure if this one was from Ekiti too but was definitely Ekiti-inspired. It also ended in ignominy as hunger made her switch off the gas burner to steal some spoons of rice.
Just as we were about to move on, another Ekiti person released his intention of kissing himself into the record books. The Ekiti State Government quickly shut it down before someone will now sue the government for allowing them to give her mouth ulcer within their territory.
Not only Ekiti o, Nigerians have generally tried everything within their powers to belittle Hilda’s feat. Nothing we have not heard. Massage-a-thon, prayer-a-thon, sex-a-thon. Everything possible, even the Guinness people have called me the other day to beg me to beg Nigerians to let them be o.
Na wa for our people sha! Na the suffering of the masses dey lead to the need for all these momentary distractions, I tell you. Me, I will soon do my own thing. I am thinking of what to do. Yes, maybe I’ll go on an afang eating world record. That is where my own power dey. Kai!
Ndiana Mathew: A Hero, My Hero and Our Hero
My brother went through the valley of the shadow of death and came out victorious. A healthy and vibrant young man with life all ahead of him. A beautiful career as one of the most brilliant PR and marketing professionals handling some of the biggest events on the continent including the CAF football awards among others and a beautiful family, suddenly had the light switched-off on him in broad daylight.
He contracted the Delta variant of COVID virus and from there his journey through hell began. While the rest of us were doubting the existence of COVID, Ndiana was having his kidneys and other vitals being blown off by the dreaded illness.
His battle for survival now commenced, dragging him through Port Harcourt, Accra, South Africa and finally India where he went through a successful kidney transplant.
Now in all of these stood one major pillar. Apart from God, his beautiful wife, Diamond stood firm and resolute to pull her loving husband away from the jaws of death. She made the ultimate sacrifice of donating her kidney despite opposition from all and sundry.
As we relieved the experience over bowls of afang and smooth fufu – kai, I have not eaten that kind of fufu since the one I ate at Castle Hotel in Uyo – I could see the love and warmth that saw this wonderful family through the darkness that could have easily eclipsed them. We thank God. We thank God. Kai!
