SURVIVAL GUIDES FOR A LIFE IN THE VALLEY

Without a doubt, the growing economic hardship in the country has left so many casualties in its trail. Here and there you read stories of individuals who were once at commanding heights in their careers or businesses, losing control and finding themselves in conditions they consider beneath their status. What do you do when you have built a reputation for integrity over the years, but without warning, everything comes crashing like a pack of cards? How should you react when friends and dignitaries who thronged your home and office when you were in command vanish into thin air when the wind goes against you? How should you respond when those who have seen you as a role model are shattered by the reversal of the situation? It may be difficult to give correct answers to those questions unless you have experienced it personally.

For those who may have unexpectedly landed in situations where they did not bargain and are wondering what to do; here we present again what could be regarded as survival guides for a life in the valley. Mr Olu Abosede shared these seven lessons below with me and they were first published in THISDAY in 2017. They can be regarded as evergreen survival guides for coping with life in the valley. Please read slowly and meditatively.

Mr Abosede was the founder and managing director of a wholly indigenous quoted company, Aboseldehyde Plc. The company was once used as a reference point for other local entrepreneurs who would want their companies listed on The Nigerian Stock Exchange (NSE). Within a period of 14 years, the company had become a very strong brand in the country in its niche area. It had moved from a rented apartment to a multi-million-naira head office complex that was declared open with fanfare.

Things were also pretty good for the man who built his first personal multi-million-naira house at the age of 28 and the second at the age of 32. His children were in choice schools locally and abroad. In those days, his name was enough to secure a credit line from the banks. Top executives of banks ran after him to get his accounts. His house was always a beehive of activities as his close friends and associates could easily walk in and treat themselves to any choice of drinks in his lavishly stocked bar. Life was, indeed, very good.

Then in a sudden twist, in 2000, there was a gradual reversal of fortune. First, the banks slammed a receivership on his company which was unable to repay the loans it took. The company was eventually taken over by the creditors. Mr Abosede tried a few options, including liquidating some of his personal investments to salvage the situation. It did not work. While still trying to salvage the situation, one of his houses went up in flames in the night while he and one of his visiting children were asleep. They managed to escape unhurt.

After more futile attempts at stopping the tide, he took what he considered to be the last logical option. He sold his second house and made a water-tight arrangement to relocate abroad. At Heathrow Airport, during his trip to the United Kingdom to perfect the relocation arrangement, he was denied entry on the basis of the fact that he was not the same person as the one on the photograph affixed to the passport. His explanation that he had been a regular visitor to the place and the fact that he had just been to Britain recently with few associates to attend his son’s wedding did not work. He returned to Nigeria the same day with the plane that he boarded to the United Kingdom. The money from the sale of the house also vanished under strange circumstances.

Back in Nigeria, with all the houses gone, things got worse. Our guest had to move into a rented apartment which incidentally was owned by his account officer in one of the banks being used by his company when it was still operational. Four times he attempted to commit suicide. On one of the occasions, he had prepared some chemicals he wanted to swallow before a friend’s timely intervention saved the situation. In our first meeting, he recollected:

“All my life until I was 54 when that crisis started, I had never known poverty. I had to withdraw my children from the choice schools they were attending to less-expensive schools. I could see my dream of building a world-class company disappearing. Everything I built and relied on suddenly gave way. When you are in afflictions, what you never imagined you would do, you would just come into it.”

How did Mr Abosede handle those lonely moments of about 10 years when everything appeared to have fallen apart? What were the lessons he learnt during those trying moments? What nuggets does he have for those going through tough times? What suggestions does he have for those who are currently in top positions in their businesses and careers? He graciously agreed to pour out his mind to us undiluted.

NUGGET # 1
There are spiritual forces we cannot see that shape our lives.

A few years back I would have argued that there was nothing like God or any external forces that get involved in the affairs of men regardless of whether you are ignorant of it or not. Let me put it this way. I had it very good early in life. I graduated at the age of 25 as a chemist with multiple jobs waiting for me. I eventually picked up a job in one of the conglomerates then as a laboratory chemist and within a short span of time moved steadily to the top. I had a car with a driver attached to me for 24 hours. From being a lab chemist, I moved to the position of assistant production manager, then to the position of factory manager and ultimately, I was promoted to general manager and director of the company. I never used one car for more than two years. I was exposed to a lot of training locally and abroad. In my own calculation, I had thought that my rapid rise was a result of my own ability, personal intelligence and intellectual capacity.
It was after I had run out of options and I decided to reflect more that I started to discover a startling fact: the universe is governed by natural or spiritual laws which would work for you when you align yourself with those laws and would work against you if you contravene them. God is ever-present in every little thing you do. He wants to help you. He wants you to achieve the purpose for which he created you but He needs your cooperation.

Upon reflection, that was where the seed of disaster was sown. Failure signals do knock at people’s doors, but in most cases, we don’t usually recognise them. One lesson I have learnt is that there is a superior force that shapes things in the physical realm, and it is to one’s advantage to believe this.

NUGGET # 2
Never lose confidence in yourself.

“One other key principle I learnt from my life experience is that whatever happens and whatever the circumstances you are facing, you should refuse to lose faith and confidence in yourself. Once this is intact and you believe there is God who is always ready to work with you, you’d find that things become a lot easier. When you lose faith in yourself, ultimately, depression sets in and when depression sets in and there is a loss of confidence, you just discover that even what you knew you could do, you start to find it difficult you can actually do them.”

“We tend to underrate our abilities during crisis times; and once you do that, you would lose a lot of ground which may take a considerable effort to bring back. You must really work on your confidence and wrap it with the grace of God which makes it impregnable during assaults of life. With that in place, you can continue to seek, ask and knock.”

“You would be astonished as to what you can do in times of crisis once you don’t lose faith in yourself. “Believing in yourself is a crucial step in coming out of failure. For instance, I went into a product of which I had no knowledge. Going into it was a challenge to my professional background as a chemist. But I plunged into it headlong and you would not believe it, that product has turned out incredibly great.

NUGGET $ 3
Use crisis time to reinvent yourself.

“Every single day I wake up, I gain more understanding about life that I could not have gotten without a crisis. In times of crisis, usually, every hope appears lost. This is usually the situation when you focus on the challenge you are facing instead of the opportunities that abound around you in spite of the problem. But when you reinvent yourself and refocus, you will discover that there is always a little opening which if you recognise is usually planted by the Higher Power to take you out of that situation. This comes when you spend time reflecting. I must say that my challenges were so overwhelming that I could not see any ray of hope anywhere.”

“My advice is this: It is important that in tribulation, you should put yourself in a position to look for that little opening. This may be tough but keep looking and searching. With re-introspection, there will always be one. Once you find that little opening, don’t let it go, cling to it with all your might and you will soon discover that with focus, that little opening will take you out of that crisis. From my own little opening, I moved into a few other things I would share with you later even though they were a surprise to me.”

NUGGET # 4
Take responsibility for any situation you find yourself in and the way out of that problem.

“When my ordeal started, I threw the responsibility on everyone else except myself. I blamed the banks who did not give me enough time to restructure the company and meet my outstanding obligations to them. I blamed friends who refused to sympathise with me and lend me helping hands when I needed them most. I blamed relatives who trooped in when the going was good but disappeared at the slightest appearance of a challenge. I blamed the press whom I thought did not give me fair hearing. I blamed everyone else except myself.”

“But do you know what I discovered? The more people I blamed the more depressed and miserable I became. For more than four years I was angry with everybody and myself. I was even developing health problems in the process. Every day as I blamed other people, I got the problem on the ground magnified.”

“While in that situation, I just reflected on a statement made by Dr Christopher Kolade when I invited him to be on the board of my company. I felt that with his goodwill bringing him on board would make a lot of difference to the company. But in our first meeting, he said: ‘I know what you want to do; you want me to take responsibility for the success of the company. But you are responsible for the success of your company’. I continued to echo that statement.”

“I later realised that placing responsibility for whatever happens to you would invariably mean you have lost your personal power which the Higher Power has given to everyone. You are in this world for a purpose and that purpose can only be realised by you, and the Higher Power. It means that any action you take is your own action.

NUGGET $ 5
There is no odd job in crisis.

“My brother, you don’t have wisdom and experience if you don’t have crises. I am talking of a situation where you are left with absolutely nothing – no influence, no privilege, no position and your name counts for little.”

“And things can turn bad very rapidly. I remember a time when things were still very good, a finance leasing company invited me to be on its board. I offered to nominate someone to represent me, but they insisted that they wanted me because of my name and the goodwill I had built. That was gone during the crisis and my name really meant very little.”

“I learnt this truth the hard way. To get out of a crisis, especially when your back is on the wall, survival is the name of the game. No job can be considered odd in crisis times and you will multiply your sorrow if you sit down brooding over your former position and privileges.”

“You cannot get out of a crisis quickly if you start to look at your former position and privileges or start to compare yourself with other people. To get out of the hole, the wisdom is in looking at your current position and seeing what you can do gradually to build up from that ground floor. Come to terms with the fact that you are on the floor. You must flush out anger, bitterness, envy and jealousy.”

NUGGET # 6
Nothing is permanent.

“When I was the CEO, it never occurred to me that a time would come when I would not be able to do anything I felt like doing. I was hit by a stroke some two years ago and with it, all my dreams are becoming a mirage. I have many things I want to do; many dreams I want to accomplish but I do not have the energy and the health to make them happen. The lesson is this, seize every opportunity to make things happen when you have the energy; you cannot guarantee you will be able to keep it forever.”

NUGGET # 7
Don’t be bitter with people.

“This may be hard to understand but one lesson I am learning late is that when I am bitter with any human being, I am actually working against myself. When things were okay with me, my house was a beehive of activities. I had gone out of my way to help other people. I sponsored some to schools. But when things went bad, it was those people I had helped who deserted me first. I was bitter and I still have a bit of bitterness towards those people but I am learning that bitterness erodes health.

One lesson great advice:

Always take responsibility for what you want to become; don’t depend on others to make it happen – Dr Christopher Kolade.