Asari Dokubo to the Rescue

Shebi they gave his brother Tompolo a contract to start catching oil thieves and he has been doing the job very well. Did you guys not see the video where they blew up the rusty ship? This has emboldened his brother to seek a bigger contract – attack Niger Republic and restore democracy.

I watched the video landing of Asari Dokubo in Abuja the other day with amazement. He would have been fine sha if he could at least lose that his tummy. He wore a blue caftan and had a very fine streak of grey beard. As he walked, his people and the crowd serenaded him and he was doing like Chinua Achebe’s Okonkwo on his way to defeat Amalinze the cat.

He jumped and danced. Shook his head and made gestures which made the crowd erupt with joy. As I watched, I saw the solution to our problem in Niger Republic.

Our President, sitting with other ECOWAS leaders who cannot even arm their boy scouts, went and gave Niger Republic coup plotters seven days to evacuate or else….. In response, Mali, Guinea and Burkina Faso who are all parading military Heads of State who look like people inside Big Brother house now declare that any attack on Niger Republic will be taken as a declaration of war on them and that they will respond accordingly.

See toothpick heads of State talking o. Is it their fault? Is it not the maladministration of politicians all over the sub-region and horseplay by foreign powers that are throwing up these “boys” as Heads of State all over the sub-region?

Well, me I am happy that we now have Asari on the case. This is very crucial so that the Nigerian Army can concentrate on routing out the more dangerous internal insurgency that has taken thousands of lives and dislocated millions of Nigerians.

Asari can take the whole of Niger Republic and its partners in less than seven days. Kai, you think I am joking? Did you see the size of his gun? Even the Rivers State Governor knows na- when he open eye for that one, did you hear him say anything?

Please my brother, when are you mobilising, democracy needs you. Kai.