Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR

FG of Reward and Compensation

Did President Bola Tinubu say that he would form ‘a government of national competence’ if elected, during the presidential campaign? That was then because what we have seen in this record-breaking ministerial list is looking more like a government of compensation and reward. A cursory look at the list will begin to make you feel that Baba was just saying “Thank you and I am very grateful for your role in this journey.”

From Wike to Matawalle to Lalong, as you go through the list you will begin to see President Tinubu as a very grateful and appreciative person. Very good qualities to have in a family or village setting but not in running a country with the kind of complexities that we are parading.

The recycling is just so “one kind.” What Wike is bringing to the table no matter the portfolio remains to be seen and this is just one out of the over 60% of nominees who Nigerians believe really have no business on that list.

Yes, the list has shown a very strong commitment to gender issues with a large retinue of well-bred and super-qualified females. It also panders to a very strong academic and capacity bent with about three PhD holders and a slew of master’s degree holders; it still carries with it the odiferous feeling of a compensation package.

For me, Tinubu has found the transition from a genius political operative to a budding statesman at best very wobbly. He has not shown either in utterances or posturing that he really understands what it means to be a president and that is why we are seeing all of these policy wonks that seem to be pushing us more into economic doldrums and a possible avoidable war with a neighbouring rogue country.

Anyway, let’s not look down on Mr. Tinubu’s well-known “agbado sense.” This might just be a ruse to calm down people like Wike who “fought” for this mandate and after six months, he will sweep all of them off and bring his real cabinet and real work will hopefully start.

I sincerely hope that this is the strategy because what we are seeing is looking like a team list for a novelty match instead of a serious cabinet that should get cracking with the mess he inherited from his big brother.  

Nowhere to Run to for Muhammadu Buhari

When the news of the coup in Niger Republic hit the airwaves, my mind ran to former leader and honourary citizen of the country, General Muhammadu Buhari (rtd). Mbok this man unleashed the highest level of incompetence laced with stupendous arrogance on Nigeria. His eight years in power were an effort in grand larceny and “buffoonery” and when it was time to go, he was reported as saying in his usual arrogant and stand-offish tone that, “If I am disturbed, I will go to Niger Republic.”

My people, we all were living witnesses to how during his unfortunate reign, Niger Republic was the most favoured “state” in Nigeria. It got roads, train stations and power.

It is no wonder that daddy screamed when the coup was affirmed and made official. Nowhere to run to with this new Tinubu government, he would be wondering. Luckily for him, the Baba that he handed over to, is still struggling with the hot potato he handed over to him that he doesn’t really have the time or mental capacity to look well into his government which in the estimation of most authorities is the most corrupt ever fostered on any country in the whole of Africa.

Bello Mohammed: Two Credits as a Minister?

My late father used to say that it is from the head that the fish used to start to spoil. Oh no, that is not what he used to say ooo. Sorry, he used to say, that it is the first to enter the stream that used to see the clearness of the water and that those that come behind would only see the muddied part of it.

Well by now, those of you who are reading and are wise will know where I am going with all these Ibibio parables. I don’t want to be talking with my mouth too open again. But let me just say this- you all know what we went through with Chicago State or is it Chicago University, down to the primary school on Lagos Island and even my dear old Government College, Ibadan was dragged in at some point, then you will better understand why this fellow will have the boldness to insult our intelligence with this kind of qualification seeking confirmation as Minister of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

This is why I have not been watching this their so-called ministerial screening. Even my sister the ever-beautiful Rita, will be calling and asking if I am following this “charade,” I will reply and say, “My sister, you know say, I dey find money for my new show, Anonymous Nipples and all these corporates wey dey declare loss dey use nipples as an excuse to dodge sponsorship, so no be Ministerial Big Brother Naija show be my problem for now.”

But this oga’s screening could not be avoided even if I ran into a hole. Two credits? Ohhh my God! And he still had the boldness to be talking. He even was trying to tell us that he reserves the right to pick and choose what qualifications he would submit.

It is looking like Baba was passing one subject per year and had so many different certificates that he would have called a committee to help him choose which ones to present. They will say, ‘oya submit English, you passed that one in 1984. Next, submit physics, you passed that one the day Tinubu graduated from Chicago and then, lastly submit geography, you passed that one the day Akpabio was born.’ Na wa.

Only in Nigeria that a man with such an obvious lack of educational integrity will even be given the chance to stand in the hallowed chambers to even attempt this. But why not, after all his ogas have questionable qualifications.

No Doctor in the House

As NLC was wasting their time behaving like teenagers in brothels, one sad news trickled in. A young and extremely beautiful and brilliant doctor on housemanship had just lost her life. The fact that this was avoidable if adequate care and caution had been taken made the whole episode all the more very painful.

Dr. Vwaire Diaso was said to be rushing down to get food that she had ordered. She jumped into the elevator and that was that. What made me and most people cry was the fact that she did not die immediately, but was even crying that she did not want to die. Now, listen, she is a doctor, a strategic member of the medical community. She had an accident within the premises of a premier and very prominent medical facility and still lost her life because of the incompetence that pervades those kinds of places.

I really do not like joining the crowd in raining abuses at the government and authorities when things like this happen, but my people, it will really be very hard not to. There are two major issues here, the administration of the medical facility and the delivery of quality medical care at the facility.

All of this English will not console her family and friends. I got a lot of messages from my friends, whose daughters were her colleagues. One frantically said, “Edgar, she was my daughter’s classmate….”

How do you even begin to explain this kind of tragedy? Where do you start? My people, something has to give. We cannot just continue like this, something has to give. Nigeria is just one big scam, I swear.

Super Falcons: The Reality of Nigeria

Nobody told me. I watched it like millions all over the world. The FIFA Secretary-General said that it is because of our girls that for the first time, their monies will be paid directly to the players instead of the Nigeria Football Association (NFA).

Shebi we have carried our disco to the world stage once again and you will be surprised that countries that are not bigger than Akwa Ibom are banning us from entry. See, Seychelles o or what do they call them? Kai, what a shame!

Now we have carried the madness that is our football administration to a point where Arsenal great Ian Wright even put mouth. So, when the history of FIFA compensation is going to be discussed, Nigeria will be a footnote. See FIFA o, FIFA sef who are baba nla corrupt – shebi we all saw the footage of the FBI raid on them- are now standing up tall and talking to our FA as if we did not learn from them.

Anyway, I am happy that this decision has been made. Good for our girls but bad for our football because next time na girls wey “soji” go make team. Girls who understand how to pay “finder’s fee” will make the team and the glory of our female football team don die be that.

Well done girls, you are doing very well. No matter how this ends, we love you and do really respect you. Thank you.

Olu Akpata, Welcome to Godot

My brother who is the former President of the Nigerian Bar Association has jumped into the fray a good one year after. When elections were going on, bros was busy with his practice and other things. Now that we are all in court looking for salvation and freedom, he has decided to jump into the political fray saying he was tired of standing by the side.

Don’t mind me, this is a very welcome decision and I support it wholeheartedly. Mr Akpata, for me, represents a crop of fine young leaders that needs to be upfront if we are to have any hope in this our country.

His tenure as NBA President witnessed an unprecedented assault of the judiciary by the powers that be and he stood firm without fear to issue very strong statements against the mayhem. He did excellently well as NBA President and that front-row seat must have opened his eyes to the chicanery that is our politics and its leadership.

He has chosen the Labour Party, a platform that most closely represents his values. I really wish him well even as I send in my message of support. Well done bro.

Ademola Adeleke Dancing into Trouble

The Dancing Governor really needs to start taking himself seriously. This his penchant for dancing at every little opportunity makes it more difficult to be taken seriously and when you now add this his appointments into the mix, we may just start seeing a caricature of a governor.

Osun has been embroiled in confusion with people asking themselves, what exactly have they gone to buy in the elections as a governor? They have been screaming nepotism and if you ask me, there is a small reason why Osun people should be wary.

His sister-in-law and second wife of his late elder brother who was also governor is now a commissioner under him and also his nephew who I hear is just 30 years old is also holding a very strategic position in charge of local government. I also hear that a staff in his family-owned company is holding another strategic position that has to do with finance and treasury.

See, when I hear these things, I normally throw in John F. Kennedy and his brother Robert F. Kennedy into the fray to deflate the argument against nepotism. For those of you who do not know, John appointed his brother Robert as Attorney General and together, they broke the tide of civil rights struggle in America, among other things including the Cuban missile crisis.

But you will agree with me that this one happening in Osun is very far from the Kennedys. This one na the Adelekes and what they are known for na dancing and other such things. Then when you also look at the qualifications of the appointees, you do not see any merit-based justification. The realisation that the appointments are just biologically driven hits and you bend your head in utter disappointment.

I will not judge a man for his love for dancing, but these appointments are beginning to look like a move by a man that should be promoting his nephew’s huge concerts instead of running a state. Thanks.

Biola Ayeni: A Brave and Courageous Woman

Normally, when a man has sidestepped his marriage and even to the point of getting embroiled in a paternity scandal, his worst enemy at that point is his wife. He must literally ignore the woman who is claiming that her “community baby” is his and face the tsunami within.

His wife will attack and very ferociously attempt to disembowel him. She will go at his essence, his business and his reputation. She will fight him in such a way that he will be so weakened that the woman outside will just stroll in and step on his bleeding body with disdain.

But listening to Mrs. Ayeni speak, I looked up to God and said, “Please bless this woman.” She rose above her pain and stood by her man. She said this “little” girl will not destroy my home. My man is not the father of that child. He told me and I believed him.

You see, my thinking is that, if Oga had called Madam to the room and said, “Darling the child is mine,” she would have knocked him but would have said go and bring the child.

Na so we suppose be. Can someone please give this woman an award on behalf of we errand men? She must be made the poster child for our women. You see when “mistakes” happen it is not the time to attack but the time to call your man in and say “Oko mi, don’t worry, there is no problem. Are there other ones, so that we handle all at once instead of wasting energy all over the place?”

Kai, when my own happened, I cannot say what Duchess used my eye to see o. I still have the scars. But it is ok, the most important thing is life. I swear. Life. Thank you Mrs Ayeni, you are a very courageous woman.

No More Beer on the House

Reeling from a N70 billion forex loss, the giant Nigerian Breweries Plc has announced a proposed increase in their prices. Now, how that company is even surviving at these times really beats the imagination. They have reported a human capacity run of over 500 staff within the period citing redundancy and “Japa” as the main culprits.

Now, this dollar matter has hit them and the only way they can survive is to increase prices. Something tells me that the inelasticity of the demand for their products will tide them over if they really support this with creative and very practical marketing support and communications.

It is really not a smooth time for business. Every sector is reeling, even the media. The cost of newsprint, delivery, etc is killing. Na wa o, wetin we come vote for like this. Na real wa.