Sauce for the Gander…

Ebere Wabara

DAILY Champion Online of September 3 massacred the English language: “Desist from careless gossips, Lagos APC tells PDP” ‘Gossip’, as an informational mechanism, is non-count—but countable when it refers to purveyors: there are gossips in every workplace. Even where it is countable, it is usually singular. And this: you can have ‘latest, juicy, idle, common, office’ gossip; not ‘careless gossip’ as there is no ‘careful one’! This headline is lousy!

The Views page follows: “But he also has the right to repudiate it and seeks (seek) the protection of the laws of the land.”

“The tension in the land is palpable, sanctity of life has been violated as deaths stalk menacing (menacingly).”

Let us pause for the pluralistic damage from Daily Trust of September 3: “Had the amnesty committee been dealing with the right leadership of the group, damages (damage) to life and property….” Except in legalese, ‘damage’ is uncountable.

“Ado poly (sic) sets (set) for pageant show” Most critical: yank off ‘show’ because of its redundancy here. A rewrite: Ado Poly set for pageant

“It is their patient (patent) right” And this insight: “One of the healing material (materials)”

Finally from the back page of Daily Champion Online under review: “The reason is not far-fetched (far to seek).” ‘Far-fetched’ is strictly an adjective which means ‘extremely unlikely to be true or to happen’. Therefore, we can have something like this: The far-fetched reason he adduced was sheer make-believe. 

Next comes THE NATION ON SUNDAY of September 3 with many goofs: “APC to INEC: Conduct same day (same-day) elections”

“Residents say discovery merely tip of iceberg” Get it right: tip of the iceberg

“Pass vote of no confidence on (in) NLC”

“Imo polls: deaf and dumb campaigns (how?) for Uzodinma”

“Soludo assures on completion of ongoing projects” Who did he assure?

“Your contributions in moving the state to greater heights has (how?) been testified to on many occasion (why?)

“…it is always a roiling (boiling) point that they are only one-third minority, dictating (calling) tunes to the two-third majority. (Editorial)”

“Ugbechie’s past time (pastime)” is reading voraciously.”

Still on THE NATION ON SUNDAY: “Though she claimed to have had some relationship that should have culminated into (in) marriage….”

“It is a sin not to use your potentials (potential)”

“…at (on) the occasion”

“Continuing, he said that he completely does (did) not agree with the idea of….”

“I was the first person who said Obasanjo is (was) the instigator.”

“Nigerians, is it good (sauce) for the gander and bad (not sauce) for the goose?” (Full-page advertisement by Alliance for Truth in Defence of Freedom)

“Access Bank unveils ‘banking in a box’ initiative” (The PUNCH Headline, September 30) Money: banking-in-a-box initiative

“The gang-up against Jonathan shall (will) fail!!!” One exclamation mark is enough! Using more than one does not make any difference—rather, it smacks of commercialese!

Daily Trust of September 5 exhibited incautiousness: “Upcoming polls: INEC warns politicians not to overheat polity” What does this trite phrase, ‘overheat polity’ mean?

“Judges, lawyers pay last respect (respects) to Justice…”

“Navy arrests 61 over (for) oil theft in Bayelsa”

“Lagos to introduce computer based (computer-based) examination”

Lastly from Leadership under review: “Niger MDGs expends N6.6bn on programmes” It is not the goals that expended the money but the office of the MDGs!

THE GUARDIAN of September 4 circulated many errors: “Monarch, others urge govt to restore telecom services in (to) Borno, Yobe, Adamawa”

“Volunteers from the Asian-community run for cover after hearing a volley of gunshots at the scene of a siege of (to) an up-market shopping mall….”

“Niger task (tasks) financial institutions on CSR”

“Nigerian players’ potential thrill (thrills) ITTF….”

THISDAY front and inside pages of September 1 did not display truth and reason on many occasions: “Borno lawmakers pass no confidence vote on (in) FG”

“Mohammed, who spoke through (how?) an interpreter on (in) his hospital bed at the….”

“We waited under (in the) scorching sun”

“I said I will (would) try.”

“But the media shy (media-shy) lawyer could only manage a smile….”

“Sex for role (Sex-for-role) is real in Nollywood”

“…the fact that both coaches will be confronting themselves (each other) for the first time will make the game even cagier”

THE NATION ON SUNDAY of September 3 follows with some diseased lines: “Discharging the order, the court said it lacks (lacked) the jurisdiction to make the orders….”

“…a man history will remember for been (being) on the side of the people.”

“We join the people of Imo State and other well meaning (well-meaning) Nigerians in wishing….”

“Those breaking even in the refinery business are those producing between 100,000 to (and) 120,000 barrels or more per day.” The Sunday interview: between 10 and 11 or from 10 to 11.“…the regime of crime with many youths taking to kidnapping and all manners of vices.” (DAILY CHAMPION Opinion Page, August 10) Right: all manner of vices. 

“Menace of under-aged voters” (DAILY INDEPENDENT, September 6) Get it right: underage voters. Never ‘overaged’ players or ‘matured’ politicians. 

“New NASS will re-open Bakassi issue” This way: reopen.

“…goes to the alter” (SATURDAY Vanguard, September 2) High-heeled: altar.

“Imo: Late arrival of materials mar election in Oguta LG” A recurring case of subject-verb disagreement: Late arrival of materials mars (not mar). It has nothing to do with ‘materials’, but “late arrival”.

“In the past, such leaders have (had) plundered the common wealth and infected the environment with the demon of greed and avarice.” (NIGERIAN Tribune, September 11)

“The electorate streams (stream) out tomorrow at the beginning of a voting exercise that will ultimately ease out….” (THISDAY, September 11)

 “There are two types of Persil brands in the market, apparently imported by private individuals (are there public individuals?) who thought there are (were) openings in Nigeria’s detergent market.” (VANGUARD, September 11)

“Large turn-out signpost rescheduled Imo polls” Get it right: turn-out signposts.

“No other country in (on) this continent throws up the kind of absurdities that we have in this land.” (DAILY INDEPENDENT, September 8)

“Such persons should be declared persona non grate (sic).” (Source: as above) At the crossroads: personae non grata.

“If he were still in power, the former governor would have been immuned (immune) to….”