Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR

Sidiq Abubakar:  A Lesser Evil

Okay, as baba has gone to Chicago to scatter everything, he must be punished. So, his own past was dug up and we have seen plenty names. From Sadiq, to kolo, to digbe, to saruti all sorts of names borne by one man in the name of going to school.

Well, he has come out — very unlike the other one — to challenge anybody with a problem to challenge and verify. He has not sent in too many spin doctors, hired lobbyists or appointed the whole of NBA to defend himself. He has given one simple explanation which makes sense and has not taken us on a huge tale by moonlight to explain how Sadiq became Atiku.

My people, the two things that have come out of all of these, is that, that generation of politicians all get one k-leg or the other. From Atiku to BAT, all na the same ten and ten pence. People of “questionable” character and pedigree who have all but tried to clean up and present themselves to us for what they are not.

What this has thrown up as it’s always the case since 2015, even our oga that time too had issues asking the Army to provide his certificate and those ones saying we should wait until they finish with Boko Haram- we are still waiting o.  Now we are made to choose from the lesser evil. If you ask me who the lesser evil is in this case, be like say na Atiku. The other bobo, the story is too long and disjointed. If you go to Shomolu Police Station to tell his story to DPO, you will enter cell before you finish. From Iragbiji, to Isale Eko, to Chicago… my people, it is tiring and draining. I tire.        

Abdul Samad Rabiu: Thank You, But…

I have never really said much about this gentleman. I have never even met with him but like every Nigerian, his activity impacts us in one way or the other. The other day, he gleefully announced that he was bringing down the price of a bag of his cement from N5,000 to about N3,500, thereby confirming my theory.

See, we continue to suffer in this country. Not only government is suffering us. From my personal observation, you will see the price of components of things jumping by 1,000% and the price of the finished product or service is relatively the same or at best marked up by just 20%. The inflation we are shouting is basically food and other essentials.

The price of hotel rooms have remained relatively the same since the dollar jumped to N1,000. The room we are paying for short time jumped from N5,000 to about N6,000. The upper middle class hotel rooms have moved from N50,000 to N60,000, while the price of diesel, a major component and food is galloping away. I have been servicing my BMW- I no go call dem name, but if you know, you know- for N50,000 since 2015 till today.

What I am trying to say here is that these people have been “killing” us since. No be today. So, with the running inflation, they cannot reflect it in their pricing because the market will resist it so they suffer a reduction in margins and honker down and be waiting for the next place to kill us. So, for the hotels, they increase food and condoms, for the cars, they increase labour and cost of accessories.

Now, baba jumps up and shouts, I am reducing the price of cement. Pure PR and nothing more o. The announcement places the start date at the end of year and wakes up one morning after a good bout of Quaker oats or whatever he eats for breakfast pushes it to October 2. Shebi we are all happy? Na lie – na boju boju because he doesn’t increase supply which leads to a massive increase in prices as a result of the upsurge in demand impacting on pricing of other brands with all of them smiling to the bank and Nigerians left in more penury and sadness.

‘There is God’ is all I will say. There is God and judgement is coming, I know those I will point out to Angel Gabriel when he comes. I get the list.

Fela Durotoye: A Prayer Answered

When this one announced his presidential ambition, I just stood up, went to soak garri, and drink. This was not a Tope Fasua with a very powerful grasp of the economy. This was not a Sowore with a long history of activism and a firm grasp of civil issues, this was just a fine boy with a good command of flowery words with just a whole lot of empty breeze.

Well, people mentioned to me that it was just positioning for relevance and I said OK ooo. Then the presidential debate came and oga mistook the podium for a preacher’s stand.  All that motivational talk fell flat as oga could not even engage on the littlest of issues that challenged us in this country.

Well, happily for him and his fans, the positioning has paid off as we have been downgraded from presidential aspirant to SSA something under that Ajuri Ngelale that is fumbling and wobbling everywhere.

When the announcement was made, someone called and said, “Duke, Tinubu is peopling his media team with people like Fela because of you and Rufai, them go soon start to verbally beat una.”

And I laughed and said, “Fela or even the oyibo guy can only defeat me in a debate on any national issue only if ebola catch me and I dey bleed from my eyes and I no see any big bosomed nurse to take care of me. Those ones, they never start. Boys scout all of them.”

Solomon Dalung and the Way to Go

Daddy of the red beret fame has published all of his certificates online. He threw it all out there. The only thing he didn’t show us was his hackney permit and radio and TV licence. When asked if he was trying to laugh at our President, he simply was quoted as saying that, Nigeria of today has reached that point where you have to throw everything out there and challenge people to go and verify. He was also further quoted to have said that the president was in this mess as a result of his people. They were not selling him right and that the more they talked, the more they threw him into the pit.

I agree. Me I can sell this president very easily o. See, the president has to be shameless like me. I am shameless. When you are shameless, na you go first talk am. Guys, I no go school o, I go school but no get “pali,” I know know where dem born me and I be real Nigerian wey don suffer to reach where I dey now, but guys there is work to be done, we have over 50 million people to throw out of poverty, let’s work. Simple.

Jonathan did it with his shoeless story, MKO did it with his amala story so why the need to rebuild with stories that even ashawo wey thief for hotel cannot tell police. Tiring.

Mele Kyari as a New Masquerade

This one is going about saying there is no subsidy like we all went to Chicago and collected diplomas in LASU. It is very clear that you cannot maintain the price of fuel at these levels without some level of subsidy. Trying to do bula balu with our heads will only make you look like a very jaundiced masquerade. Thankfully PENGASSAN has come out to say that subsidy has returned.

There is nothing wrong with policy reversal. “Oh Nigerians, we have looked at this thing again, if we don’t subsidise, fuel pricing will reach a point where we will have to run away so we will subsidise but will put in place reforms that will block leakages and fast track the building of refineries or something to ensure we stop the importation in no time.” Finish.

All these grandstanding and outright lies to the people is just so wrong and annoying. It’s like you really do not have regards for the people. You are just seeing us like muppets and “mumu” that you will be using our head anyhow. Na wa

NBC as a Two-faced Regulator

There is nothing worse than eye service. These ones have been looking and seeing the way the ARISE TV crews have been taking their principals to the cleaners and decided to do something before long hand reach them.

In their hurry, they totally forgot that they had no constitutional right to do what they are trying to do but still went ahead to issue a “last warning” to ARISE TV. This is what my brother Wike used to sing about,“ he dey pepper dem,” abi how else can you explain this one.

One big mistake they now made was to go and mention the eloquent lawyer and actor – Kenneth Okonkwo. Kai! The man can talk. His poetry used to marvel me. He “finish” NBC o. Go and look for the statement before they say I am the one inciting violence. The man scatter NBC o and even warned them never to mention his name again in this kind thing.

As I write, I am waiting for NBC reply. Guess they are still consulting their dictionaries. Na wa.

Victor Osimhen: God Bless You

You see, the level of entitlement exhibited by a cross-section of our women folk can sometimes be nauseating and annoying. They expect you to do all of that and they come to the table with virtually nothing. Even the main thing they bring to the table, they will now be using it as a basis for negotiating, making you beg and sometimes, sell your soul before they give you a taste.

For some of us in our 50s, it can be very annoying because for just five minutes you will buy house in Banana Island. Shebi that one is even still good. What of our brothers who after signing away their shares in all of the quoted firms and the woman will now open the gates of Gethsemane and the mere sight, baba will just climax even before engaging nko.

Life is so unfair and these women folk just do the most. So, I was very excited when the international football hero said that he cannot be buying Birkin bags for women and on his own birthday that one will be writing a poem, ending it by saying that if you do not bring value to the table, no deal.

This should be the mantra for all men if only we can stop shaking at the sight of warm thighs being opened. It used to be like juju, I swear and the women know the power they hold. Even this Victor sef, when the woman rub him head and walk one kind walk towards the other room, he will be writing a letter of apology and disowning that statement. Kai, we men, we all just be mumu. Na wa oo.

Davido vs Amaju Pinnick: My Position

Let me do a newspaper court on this matter. So Amaju first comes out on stage in a widely reported statement that after paying iconic singer Davido $94,000 that one still did not show and ended up by saying let’s see how he will perform in Warri again.

In a quick recourse, Davido says he will perform in Warri and nobody can stop him and went ahead to make some insinuations by saying he will donate the money to charity or will return it to the NFF who according to him is still owing the Super Falcons. This last statement started casting some aspersions on the integrity of Amaju.

Well, after weighing both ends, let me pass my judgment. First, Mr. Davido, did Amaju give you $94,000 or not and for what purpose? Was the money meant for the rehabilitation of Falcons or for a performance in Warri?

Amaju, did you sign a contract with Davido for that purpose and did he give you a receipt for the money after he got it? From Davido’s well reported submission, he did not deny receiving the funds but claims that he had told them a month earlier that he would not be coming and as such did not understand why his name was still being used to promote the show.

Well, Davido, did you ask your lawyers to stop the illegal use of your name since you had mentioned you were not coming? Anyways since you did not return the funds, it was safe for the promoters to continue to use your name since the contract was still in force by the simple fact that you had not returned the money.

So my brother, don’t vex, I will pronounce you guilty and ask you to return the money to the same account that paid you in the first place. If it is the NFF account that the money came from, that is story wey no concern me. But for me, go and return the money and go and beg Amaju. He get oxygen tank for him house, go meet am for there, pull your cloth and enter the chamber with him, he is always very kind and generous inside the place and settle the matter. You are guilty.

Nigerians, you see why you people should put me on that Supreme Court bench when Atiku and Obi arrive. I get the sense.