Victoria Inyama: I Won’t Advise Any Woman to Give  Up Her Life, Career for Family

super saturday

You were one of the celebrity models at the last Black History & Lifestyle Award in London. Can you share your experience with us?

It was a very interesting experience. I loved it; I loved every minute of it because a friend of mine, while she was in Nigeria asked me if I would want to take part and model for one of the organisers which is House of Sota. I said yeah, why not. So, they got me beautifully embroidered Kaftan to wear and I attended the fashion show. Funny enough, that’s my very first time of attending a fashion show in the UK and I have been here for like 20years! Because my first son is 18 (laughing). I have never been to a fashion show. I used to attend fashion shows in Nigeria, I used to be a model, I used to do the catwalk then in Silverbird. But that was many years ago. It was a lovely experience having to do the catwalk with the Kaftan attire. It was very memorable I will never forget it.    

How has it been like living in London compared with living in Nigeria where you made name acting?

Of course, living in London is so different. There’s no basis for the comparison if you know what I mean. I was very young, no kids in Nigeria. I was just doing my thing. Coming to the UK was like I came as a married woman and obviously I could live my life the way I wanted to. And then children came along. I’m that kind of a person that I believe in family. So, I had to put everything aside to just focus on family. I don’t know if I’m going to advice somebody to do that now. With hindsight, I would have also focused on myself whilst doing family. It would have been a bit tricky, but its better because when you give your all and you make all the sacrifices and the person you are making it for does not appreciate, then it’s a bit wonky; it’s a bit difficult you know. So, I loved the fact that I stayed home to take care of my children and raised all of them myself. Like they didn’t go to nursery until they were like 3 or 4years old. So, when I look back, I thank God for that opportunity that I did everything myself. And unfortunately, the marriage didn’t work out due to domestic violence. I say that. And I’m still here and hopefully, I do use most of my experiences to support other people and I’m going to continue to do that. But there’s no comparison. So, UK is okay if you have a focus, you have a dream, you can actually realise it here. I think you can do the same in Nigeria as well. I can’t really compare because I love both places and I’m so blessed I can still live in the two world even as at today or tomorrow.

Despite the fame and glitz you seemed to have enjoyed in Nigeria, why did you relocate to the United Kingdom?

Well, I am a traditional person; I was raised by a traditional person, my late grandma. And in the village you know how it is after your education you have to get married, you have to get children. It wasn’t like after your education you need to get a job, no. So, after I started acting and then I went to university, as I graduated and decided to get married, the guy was based abroad. My dad was abroad, so I used to come visit my dad then. So I decided ‘okay time to relocate’. Because I just love family, I can’t say it enough. Unfortunately, it didn’t end the way I wanted it or it didn’t go the way I wanted…even If I’m getting married again, it’s not like I’m going to have kids again. It’s just going to be for lovely companionship.

 You were recently reported to have made a ‘comeback’ to acting in the movie Golden Stripes. What did you mean by: “Life showed up, I gave it all up”

Yes, I did a movie. It was a very small role. But I just wanted to do it to see if I was still in love with acting. And I totally loved it. I’m still in love with acting. I am going to come back into acting. I never left anyway. It was just children and keeping very busy. I never really left. But now, yes I am looking forward to like if there are any good productions, with good directors. Good producers. Because one thing I’m not doing, I’m not acting for entertainment. I’m just going to be acting for value and worth. I want people to see my movie and say ‘oh I can relate to that’. I want to do movies to teach a lesson or to lend a situation whereby my character is going to teach you something.

And I said “life showed up” yea life showed up…kids, husband, family, and I gave it all up”. Like I said, I don’t think I would do that again. And I don’t think I would advise any woman to give up her life, her career, her dream, her passion for family. Blend it together if you can. But don’t give it up. Because your value as a person and the respect you deserve you are giving that away. At the end of the day, the man would think you are a loser and you are there to take, take, take and eat, eat, eat and not support. And even though in my case I was supportive, we were building a company together. We built a property company together where we buy and sell properties, but as it is now, it is in contention. It was as if I never did anything. Meanwhile, I even coined the name of the company. I used my name, my son’s name, his (ex-husband) daughter’s name from a previous marriage. I put everything together and we formed a company. But you know when you are dealing with a very narcissistic person, everything just kind of disappear. It’s as if I never existed in the company arena with him but that’s okay.

Before this ‘comeback’ moment, what were you engaged with in the UK?

Okay before the movie, when my marriage ended in 2013, I kind of struggled a bit with three children going to live in the refugee because the police removed us from the property. It wasn’t conducive at all. But by 2016, I went back to university. I did Psycho-social studies which is Psychology and Social Studies, finished in 2019. And then Covid came and I became ill and prior to that time, I had started my divorce. Because it was clear the marriage had ended, broken down and I started the divorce which I’m still doing till today. Because let me use this example; when a slave wants to go free, you know the slave master is going to do everything to fight and make sure that slave just doesn’t leave. That’s how my marriage was. He didn’t want me to go and didn’t want to do the necessary things you know. I started the divorce. I know how long it even took me to get him to sign the divorce papers. He had to be tricked into signing the divorce papers. Obviously, both of us started the property company, so there’s a lot of logistics we had to go through with the company. In between that he’s trying to sell of the houses, pocket the money. Thank God for a country where there is law. So, I found out about that and had to stop that quickly. Because all through this while, I was thinking ‘okay you know what, let’s share how we are going to be staying with the kids so you can have a life and I can have a life’ because I have never really had a life since I came to the UK. It’s been marriage, kids, family and all that. So, I was hoping and praying that he would want to take the kids and have the kids, but no! The few times the kids will be with me he wouldn’t take care of them. It got to a stage the children did not want to go to him. They just wouldn’t want to go to him. He wasn’t the father. His own fatherhood was more for to show off and make him look good in the public. So, I took him to court for us to have shared custody. But he knew what he did that made the judge to decide that he’s not having the kids. And obviously the kids did not want to stay with him. Again I had to struggle with going to university, the kids. I finished, now got back to work. Stopping work, divorce, custody, it’s just been crazy. Now I’m back to school I have not finished yet. So when I finish I’m going to say what I went back to school to do and all that. I’m back into education again and hopefully, after this I will call it a day. So, yes I have been very busy but most especially I have been busy trying to get myself out of a toxic marriage. Next year is 2024, I separated 2014. So it has taken me 10 years to cut off from a toxic and manipulative person, a manipulative relationship. It’s taken me that long. It’s not over but hopefully next year it’s going to be over.  So, I have been busy basically apart from achieving other things for myself, living and God has been blessing me. So, it’s taken me 10 years just to be a whole person again.

You did remarkably well in your early acting days and you were among the lead actresses. Can you recall some of those moments?

Oh my God! I had loads of lovely moments in my movies. I did Glamour Boys with Jeta Amata, it was beautiful. I loved it especially the fashion scene, I think we were clothed by Collectibles. You know we will go to Collectibles and take what we wanted to wear; and the body was there, the shape was there, it was nice to dress well and look good. I did Love From Above with Jim Iyke, Aunty Sola Sobowale, Uncle Pete Edochie, I have done so many remarkable movies and each of my movies I have thoroughly enjoyed because of the people I was acting with. I guess because of my shape, I was always acting the spoilt girl, the bad girl, and stuff like that. I missed those days and yes I had loads and loads of beautiful times.

What attracted you to acting in the first place?

 You know what? I didn’t even know what I was doing. It’s not like I woke up and said I wanted to be an actress. Those days we didn’t have social media, there was just nothing! The only thing that made me want to act was, ‘okay I used to watch Mirror in The Sun or Behind The Cloud, I can’t remember now.’ There’s one actress, it was Barbara Soki that really made me go into acting. She was so beautiful and still is. And I used to say ‘oh my God I would love to meet this person.’ Just like a typical child we all had dreams. ‘Oh I want to be a big star’, ‘want to sing, want to dance’, ‘want to act and stuff like that’. And God just blessed me and gave me the opportunity through our neighbours uncle Talab Abass and I took it and Zik Okafor supported me and there we are today. And we continued. But I have been someone that always loved education. So at some point I had to stop for a bit I went to University of Lagos. I went to do Creative Art which is Theatre Arts. There was really no attraction. We didn’t know what we were doing. A lot of us that started then we didn’t know it will get to this stage. And that’s why sometimes I’m like ‘wow I started this thing and not now there’s more money than before, there’s more fame than before’. So, many things and you know what, I can’t wait to come back and get my own share if I have to put it that way I have not really enjoyed anything from this acting.

Of all the roles you played, which easily comes to mind and in what movie?

 ‘Odum’, I played the role of Agbonma with Uncle Sam Dede. It was in the village. And I think we lost an actor in that movie. There was this river we were really not supposed to go into or something like that, I can’t really remember the whole story now but the actor went into the river I think he drowned. It’s one of the movies I can’t forget

What are your most profound motherhood lessons?

 Ha! (laughs)… I don’t even know where to start with this. I have an 18-year-old son, I have a 15-year-old daughter and I have an 11-year-old son. Just like pregnancy there’s no manual. Motherhood there’s no manual. It’s all based on negotiation you have to negotiate with the child, mediation between the children, love, communication; I’m still talking till tomorrow. You still talk and you pray that even if they are not listening now, at some point in their lives they will. Be honest to the children. I also believe in being a role model to your children. So, there’s a certain kind of lifestyle you would not want your child to have; you try not to live that lifestyle. It’s all sacrifices. The day you decide to get pregnant to have a child is the day you deciding that I’m going to make so much sacrifices for this child. Everything that you have been through that you don’t want you make sure you safeguard your child from it.

What would you say are your low and high moments in life?

 I think when I was ill, when I had cancer I think that was my low moment for me. I would say I have had more high moments because I’m someone I know how to turn certain situations around; it’s all in my mindset. So, I think for me the low moment was when I was ill. Then I became well. I have been cancer free now for many years. High moments; every day is a high moment you know. Every day I wake up I’m able to take care of myself, I’m able to take care of my children, I’m grateful for the little things.

Besides acting, what other talent do you possess; singing, dancing?

I can sing and I love to dance. Dance for me is therapy. And because I’m in psychology, I have noticed I’m blessed to be a healer. Based on lived experiences of so many things that I have been through, most time when I tell people or when I tell somebody or when I’m supporting somebody in a therapeutic capacity about a situation about life, the person always comes out on the other side better, happier. So, I’m really grateful that I have that capacity to help, to heal, to support someone else both from what I have learned academically and from a gift that I have. And I feel that’s more than singing and dancing.