Loud Whispers With JOSEPH EDGAR

Bettagate: I Disagree With Femi Pedro

Femi Pedro is someone I love personally and as such, I will tread very carefully in this piece. I read more than seven times the treatise credited to him on “ugly Betty”. I am sure, as he wrote, he too would have been careful picking his words and after, must have called his madam to also go through, then he will now read for another 12 times and then send to his lawyer, friends and also ask his pastor before finally releasing it.

You see the line between friendship and loyalty in things like this can be very hazy. Professor Wole Soyinka is facing the same with Agunloye, his buddy. Agunloye was remanded for his involvement in a huge power scam and the great old Prof has come out to pull in the late Bola Ige in the matter, claiming that Agunloye may not be safe in the gulag. Prof, no worry, nothing go do am. He is in good hands, don’t worry, God will keep him alive to help us unravel this thing.

So, my dear very handsome Otunba now pens a beautiful letter that is fit for the stage. If this was not a tragedy for our country, I would have asked his permission to produce this his script for a befitting stage performance titled “Ugly Betty.”

But no, this is a serious issue with very serious national ramifications. This person broke so many boxes — as we can see from reports — that her case needs to and must be used as a mirror case to serve as a deterrent for future miscreants.

No sir, we cannot forgive this one. There are so many all over the place. In fact, like they say, “Nigeria is a crime scene,” so this one that we have “catched”, we must follow it to its logical conclusions.

Sighting her work during campaigns and all of that only just explains the very idiotic sense of entitlement that must have led to all of these.Sir, we will not mentor, condone or forgive this beautiful woman. We will slam her with the books, while protecting her rights to fair hearing, fair representations and all of that, but yes, we must unravel all of these and bring all those who worked with her to  book.

Yes, she must be our shining light and an epitome of how not to be a public officer. She has gained immortality and we must revere her for that.

So Otunba, kindly stay clear, “e no concern you.” Thank you.

When this scandal broke, I wrote a piece on social media and titled it “Olubunmi Tunji-Ojo: And Humpty Dumpty Fell Again.” In the piece, I hammered on loyalty. I talked about the TV interview, where he fought so strenuously and very woefully to remove himself from the mess.

The kernel of my talk was loyalty. That interview was the lowest any person, talkless of any person of that stature could ever go. He fought so hard to push a narrative of “it’s not me o.”

As I watched, I began to ask myself what kind of a man this is. Is this a man? Is this somebody… Oh my God, this one is worse than Judas Iscariot o. As he waved one paper and shouted, “See the CTC, I have resigned o, I have left since 2019, I am not there o, I don’t know anything about it o, it’s my wife o,” and then he was asked, “are you still a shareholder?” And he said yes. That was it for me.

I just stood up and walked into the kitchen to look for leftover afang to satiate myself since the Duchess is doing 40 days fasting, and you all know the implications of that on activities in the other room which makes me cranky and irritable.

No be this “puff puff” cheeked Tunji-Ojo own be my problem, but seriously, where do they get these kinds of people and give them public office? You see, we have lost hope in seeking leaders of integrity, that one don die since Awo died. But at least, character should not be a difficult trait in leadership, especially at these times where it is looking like a free for all.

This Tunji-Ojo person didn’t show any character at all in that interview. There was really no need for it since there was no way he could totally extricate himself from the mess. Resigning since 2019 and remaining a shareholder doesn’t mean anything. What he should have been fighting for at that time was to prove if the company performed, based on the contract. But that one will be looking like a camel passing through the periwinkle in my afang. Instead, “he go hang himself on the throne of – it wasn’t me.”

He is very lucky sef, because if Duchess were that his wife, he would be running around Ajegunle looking for native doctor that would help with the pain on his scrotums from the bad kick he would have gotten. Na wa.

Fola Adeola: An Icon of Our Time

I have met Mr. Adeola just twice in my life, but his story and reputation stick with me like glue. It was at Chief Emeka Anyaoku’s birthday party at the Metropolitan Club one time like that. My egbon, Shex, was the one who had said, “let me take you to Fola.”  We walked the room and ended up at his table and he made the introductions and he smiled at me and shook my hands. Shex asked him if he could give me his numbers, and he said yes, and I got his number.

The second time was at the international airport. I had gone to see off my beautiful daughter Annette who was off to school and who I am hoping will come back not only with a degree but with an oyibo husband because me I don tire for this third world citizenship.

Anyways, there was Mr. Adeola looking very sprite and handsome in his brown chino pants and sneakers. I walked up to him and said, “Good evening, sir. I am the Duke of Shomolu and how are you?” He responded and said he remembered me.

Me, the marketer wey no dey miss opportunity, I said, “I am looking for money for “Fajuyi” and he said, “Oya call me,” which I did and he performed.

Well, Mr. Adeola is 70 years old now after pioneering a banking revolution that continues to make us proud. He and his brother Tayo berthed the monumental GTBank and didn’t stop at that. They worked with the Obasanjo administration to reform the pension industry which is today holding assets with values in the trillions.

These are the kinds of Nigerians that should continually be celebrated. Real life icons that must be heralded. This is why I am wishing him a happy birthday and much more fulfilment in a very colourful life.

Kai, I wish I was friends with the Akwa Ibom Governor so I can ask him to kindly name the new N32billion church after Fola Adeola. Kai.

A ‘Tribe’ Called Funke Akindele

Ok, let’s resume the debate. At the announcement of her political ambitions over Lagos, she was quoted to have said that she had about 20 million followers on social media and that she would push them into the polling units and take over Lagos.

Now at this point, the Governor of Lagos State, her main contender had less than 500,000 and a lot of misguided analysts had started singing the farewell song for Jide.

I remember vividly, asking very succinctly, her strategy to convert these numbers to votes. She answered the question with her very woeful performances on the soap box. Her understanding of the issues was at best pedestrian, her delivery was strained and it was very clear that politics wasn’t for her.

Her 20 million followers just stayed put and waited for her to return back to her natural habitat. She has now done that and with alacrity, destroyed all records in the space.

Her new movie, ‘A Tribe Called Judah’ as at the time of writing this piece, has crossed by very far the N1 billion mark in gate takings. I am hearing that it has even hit the N2 billion mark but cannot verify as I write so — make we stick to the N1 billion mark.

Funke has been able to immortalise a career that sits on “idiocy.” The slapstick routine that has been pushed by such notables like Baba Sala, Baba Suwe, Aluwe and the rest have pushed her to movie heights that we can only just imagine.

It is noteworthy that on the top 10 movie table, she holds top three positions. Funke has found the formula and is milking it to the hilt. The first authentic movie billionaire?

Well done my sister, well done, you have done noble. Mbok those “witches” that advised you to join politics, I hope you have burnt their bras for they didn’t mean you well at all.

Congrats once again my sister, and also congrats to Nigerians for showing the world that we indeed do have a very huge and deep market, that if well propositioned, can give us the much-needed elixir to renew true hope in our nation. I am happy, very happy sef.

Tiwa Savage, Davido: Immaturity at Large

During the week, super sexy songstress, Tiwa Savage, filed a petition against super successful mega star, Davido. She alleged in the same petition to the police that Davido was after her and should anything untoward happen to her, that he should be held responsible

While we were still struggling to grapple with the matter, Tiwa’s ex hubby, one Mr. Balogun jumped into the fray threatening to “deal” with Davido for slighting the mother of his son.

Now social media provides a veritable platform for all sorts of nuisance value and nothing can be this representative of it than this matter. So, someone post a picture of himself and his new wife and newborn babies and the next minute another person comes out to say- ohhh you have abandoned my own daughter with you and the next person says-ohhh I stand by her and you now say – ohh you are stupid for standing by her and the next minute tax payers are drawn into the matter.

Police that are struggling with the increased cases of kidnapping in Lagos and a surging crime rate and still reeling from the slap Seun Kuti gave one of its very prominent members will now leave all that one to be pursuing Tiwa who next week will be somewhere measuring the size of her bum?

We should begin to see all this noise for what it is – nuisance value and a quest for ratings and “like” as they call it. The police should be too busy to entertain such musings and must call in both parties very quickly and sort them out within five minutes so that they can face more pressing issues.

It is not the Tiwa and Davido problem that should take police time. People that will still, by next week, be hanging out together and getting drunk together or be doing whatever it is they do that makes them feel high with themselves.

The one that even shocks me the most is that one who was kicked out, is the one now shouting – ohhhhhhh, I will fight you for messing up the mother of my son.

These things just make me laugh.

Why I Won’t Listen to Doyin Salami

The Nigerian British Chamber of Commerce of which I am a major member has asked us to come and pay to listen to Dr. Doyin Salami — the very brilliant economic expert who advised the Buhari administration — speak on the economy.

I don’t know about the rest of you but me, I cannot pay N10,000 to go and listen to a man who advised that kind of government with the disastrous consequences that we are still grappling with.

You guys know me very well, I made my position very very clear on the matter to those concerned. I asked very succinctly if dem no see another person apart from this oga and at this time?

As expected they came back at me o. Ohhh, you cannot throw away 30 years of work that the man has contributed. He was merely an adviser and they didn’t take his advice and as such you cannot blame him o.

My people, it’s this playing to the gallery that is killing us in this country. Even if the NBCC people can’t see it right, even you the Dr, Salami, you cannot say “abeg let me rest this time.”

A government that has redefined profligacy? A government whose report card is smeared with the red of crass failure and you are now being paraded as the economic adviser of that same regime and being asked to come and tell us your outlook.

Mbok, which outlook can I ask that you didn’t see during your time in the sun? Please, hiding under all that, “I was just an adviser” doesn’t hold any water because I didn’t hear you shout at the time that they were not listening, nor did I see you resign in protest as inflation was bursting the roof and Nigerians were losing their jobs in their millions.

Please, you people should leave me because if I come there, the question I will ask you ehnn, you will beat me.

Leave us o, let’s cry our cry.

Suicide on Her Mind

Did you see the report of the young banker who took her life in Ikorodu? She apparently was said to have locked herself in the toilet and drank a pesticide after leaving a suicide note.

I read the note, and in it she apologised to her loved ones and complained seriously about her figures and asked God for forgiveness.

Let me do the one that concerns me. The figures. As a former banker, I can connect with what must have driven her to suicide – Her figures.

You see as a banker, your figures drive you. It can make or break you and like in this case, can kill you. You are given horrendous targets and hounded with an almost maniacal fervour that some like this girl break.

Others develop serious health complications and other such social dislocations.

In all these, the banks declare huge profits and its owners and promoters smile to the bank.

We must find a balance between profitability and safety of employees. While understanding the need to push aggressively and build huge financial institutions, we must achieve this without also destroying lives.

My condolences to her family and colleagues even as we begin to redefine the system in a bid to ensure the protection of its personnel. Sad.