Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

For Abdul Imoyo, Adieu My Friend

Last Wednesday night, we bade farewell to media gentleman, Abdul Imoyo at the elegant Harbor Point event centre in Lagos. It was a solemn occasion as many of his friends, drawn from all over, converged on the beautiful hall to bid him farewell. Abdul was a very brilliant public relations and media practitioner who was not only very diligent but also carried out his assignments with the highest level of professionalism that he won for himself so many admirers as could be seen by the composition of people in the hall.

I didn’t really see anybody cry in that hall. There was no need as Abdul had lived a wonderful even though short life. In the little time he spent on this earth, he touched lives, especially my own o. Abdul played a very vital role in making me who I am today in theatre. From his support while at UBA, down to the last posting at Access Bank, he would hold my hands and say, “Edgar, don’t worry, we go do am.”

When his colleagues would be doing like King Nebuchadnezzar, Abdul would hold your hand end to end, and even in rejection, he would still be there standing with you assuring you that there will be a next time.

He was a very brilliant young man, whose passing shocked the community, hence the full turnout that evening. From Herbert, his last CEO, down to his immediate boss, Amaechi, to Roosevelt, the Managing Director at Access Bank, and so many other people from all walks of life. I even saw Charles Aigbe, his former colleague at UBA and the influential Azuka Ogujiuba who was like his professional sister. Admiral Francis Akpan (rtd) also was there, and his colleague capital market reporters led by the very amiable Goddy Egene was also in attendance.

After it all, Charles led a delegation made up of myself, Azuka and six other people who may not like their names in print, to the powerful Lydia’s place, one of Abdul’s favourite hangouts to honour him in our own little way, to a feast of hot and deliciously made bowls of afang.

Abdul, you will not be replaced. Mark my words. 

Muhammadu Buhari: The Godfather Never Sleeps

Wike should come and learn work. The best way to influence is to stay clear. Breathing down the neck of your protégé will only irritate, annoy and eventually lead to revolt like what he is facing in Port Harcourt.

Buhari is an expert godfather. The bobo knows just how to super influence without gra gra like our Wike brother, who is all over the place and losing on all fronts as it were.

At the recent launching of “that” book by Mr. Femi Adesina, our president Bola Tinubu was quoted to have said that Buhari has remained on his own, not interfering and hardly talking to him. That it is even him that used to call him and say, “Oga, are you there? Are you sure you are ok? Can I send Fura or something?”

The man had said he could not wait to retire and he had also said, “When I go, nobody should call my name for anything.” Well, when you carry load wey pass you, no be to run away at the slightest opportunity.

The thing was overwhelming Nigeria for a man with that level of capacity. The wahala was just too much. Was it the economy or insecurity or all the abuse? Before he wakes up, Nnamdi Kanu would have abused the living daylight out of him. While he was grappling with that one, they would go and kill thousands of villagers, and as he was turning to that one, America would call, reminding him of his debts, then Asiwaju would run to Abeokuta to shout “emilokan!” 

Wahala everywhere with no respite. They even printed wedding invites for him and offered to marry him off. So, it is no surprise that immediately he handed over, he ran o; as in ran to Daura and didn’t even wait for Aisha for a well-deserved rest.

Wale Edun: It’s Dancing Time

It was one of my ogas who sent me a clip of the Minister of Finance, Mr. Wale Edun and some top Nigerian officials dancing on stage at the ongoing World Economic Forum in Davos. I looked very well at the clip and thought maybe I saw the Vice President Kashim Shettima. But as I no sure, let me call the name of the person that I am very sure I recognised in the clip – Wale Edun.

The “alakoba” who sent me the clip said, “Edgar, I know you usually have a feeling around these things, what do you think of our officials dancing on stage at such a serious event especially with the challenges that we face economically.”

My people, this was how they used to push people to Golgotha. You see someone that looks like Kashim dancing on stage when Ibadan is on fire, you see Wale Edun dancing when he has not done anything about the economy; in fact the Naira suffered another round of devaluation same period, and you see how everything is going on and you now wake me up in the middle of the night to be asking me my thoughts about the dance.

My brother, we all go school together. We all have access to social media, in fact opinion is now democratised, as in you can also carry your laptop and write your own thoughts and go and sleep.

I have no thoughts o. Seriously, I really do not have any thoughts around it. In fact, I think I will do the same in his shoes. When you have talk, talk, talk, talk and the thing is still the same and getting worse, you will dance, na make you no go kill yourself for Nigeria matter? Abeg.

So, for me, the dance was ok. In fact, we should make it a national pastime – dance. At least, if for nothing else, BP will not kill us finish before Naira reach N3,000 as has been predicted.

Kai!

Prof Yemi Osinbajo – The Bard Strikes Again

A bard is a very powerful singer but permit me to call Prof Yemi Osinbajo, our immediate past Vice President, a bard. The man talks like he is singing. When he is speaking, I used to feel the way I feel when I am swallowing morsels of fufu wrapped in exquisitely made afang as created and delivered by Senator Florence Ita Giwa in that her heavenly restaurant.

Prof Osinbajo was in his element at the launching of Mr. Adesina’s book- I don forget the name of the book.  He moved from one anecdote to the other, regaling the distinguished gathering with one sweet tale of his life with Buhari after the other.

The one that really got me was the one where he said, Buhari had admonished him on his way to the Niger Delta not to be the very first Vice President to be kidnapped. This got the hall into frenzied laughter. Kai.

From the way our President was laughing, forgetting the carnage in Plateau and Ibadan, you will see that he has forgiven him for daring to attempt a Presidential run.

Prof Osinbanjo is one of the most gifted public speakers Nigeria has ever produced. His command of the English language, versed with a strong sense of timing and a cool mien while at it, makes his deliveries always a delight to watch.

I am sure in his younger days he would have been a killer with the babes. You know how they say it, cow wey no get tail, na God dey help am. As he no tall na, God give am mouth. Great guy.

Mohammed Badaru’s Tough Choices

I hear he is our defence minister and he has come out to say that we should not crowd fund to save our daughters, sons, husbands, fathers, wives from the hands of kidnappers.

My brother Badaru, that one go hard o. I perfectly understand the position as it will encourage more people into the business and deepen the tenacity of its players but we are not a country in the mould of the US or Israel who will have this kind of policy and back it up with effective anti- terrorist initiatives.

For them, once they say no negotiations, no communications, the next minute they have entered the kidnappers’ den and those ones will be in trouble. Mbok, go and watch “Raid on Entebbe” again and see what I am talking about.

Here, kidnappers are using the same NIN and SIM card we are all using to ask for ransom and communicate and yet we cannot track. If you owe one small microfinance bank, they will use your NIN and SIM to make your life a misery. But kidnappers are being paid huge sums of money using the same method without being traced. Na wa.

My brother, defence chief, this latest one is very painful o. A family of six or so, the younger brother killed instantly, another daughter killed because they could not meet the demands, and I have just heard another one killed with the ransom significantly increased and all of this happening with effective communications and all.

My brother, e go hard for us not to crowd fund o. We must secure the lives of the remaining family members. In fact, we must crowd fund for every Nigerian in captivity including General Duru who is in his third month.

The government must have “ransom payment” in its annual budget o. Yes, we are that helpless in this situation since kidnapping will soon overtake Nollywood as the fastest growing sector in the economy.

The whole thing is tragic, I swear. A cashless society, a society connected by NIN and SIM and yet kidnapping is thriving despite these.

We are not yet serious in trying to solve this problem. When our authorities are ready, they know what to do for now. Mbok, let the crowd funding commence in earnest. We need to save lives. Kai.

Adebayo Ogunlesi: A Mystery Wonder Man

This Sagamu man just sold his company for about $12 billion, growing his personal worth to about $3 billion, making him one of the richest black men ever. I once saw a report that he was appointed to one of the infrastructure “thingy” in this our country of which he very reluctantly accepted to serve. It was reported that he was unceremoniously sacked. He ran, never to come back. Anyway, that is not the story for today.

The mystery man has over the years built an enviable global infrastructure platform that has seen his firm gobble up some of the world’s most lucrative infrastructural assets, making him quite influential and successful.

This is what has led the world-famous black rock group to not only spend so much in buying up his firm, but also “begging” him to remain on their Board.

Well, for us here in Nigeria, we must immediately get sense and also “beg” egbon to come and buy our airports and run them the way he did the UK airports that led to all this one.

Oya Keyamo, over to you. No pride, make we go beg.

Mudi: Kindly Take Heart

You see, this is why it is not very good to be jumping into conclusions. You see, Mudi the super brilliant fashion designer who has redefined fashion continent wide, is owing me N20,000.  He has been owing me this money for a bit now and has been dodging.

Anytime I call him, he will say – I dey come, I dey Abidjan, when I come back. When I call three days later, he would say I don come back but I don rush go Abraka. So, I started thinking of getting this online debt collecting people to help me start sending him those their vile text messages – those ones they used to send to their debtors and be saying- you are a bastard and we will strip your mother naked if you don’t pay us.

Then he totally disappeared throughout the December period. He was missing in action during the Alibaba show, didn’t attend any of my plays, was not there during all the afang summits I held and all that.

This N20,000 must really be a problem for him, I thought o. So I decided to give him debt relief and called him during the week. He didn’t pick but sent me a terse message, “my mama die.”

Ohhhhhh, Mudi mama die o. I have met her before o when we went to unveil the roundabout he built in Ughelli. She was such a sweet soul and gentle with Mudi bearing such a remarkable resemblance to her. She was 92 and would be missed.

My brother, abeg use that my N20,000 add to the expenses because I know how costly it will be for you, especially giving a  mother who lived such a gracious life touching the community in the way she did.

Please, accept my condolences my brother.

Femi Fani-Kayode: Two Times a Lion

During the week, I saw pictures of my egbon, the erudite Chief Femi Fani-Kayode and his family. The last Xmas and new year season must have been quite wonderful as the pictures showed him and his very beautiful wife – Precious Chikwendu, actress, model, businesswoman and mother of his four sons, host friends and family to very sumptuous meals.

Chief who seems to have been very distracted with the Israeli war taking very strong sides and seemingly ignoring the wahala in Nigeria looked very relaxed and handsome in the clips that I have seen.

It seems like the love between these two have been rekindled following some years of the locust where all sorts including chairs and tables were publicly thrown at each other.

Oga has been relatively quiet on the scene and apart from some long epistle in the Israeli-Palestinian war, he has not really been out there on the local scene making us his fans to quibble and wonder what was going on.

All the wahala in Port Harcourt with  Wike running wild amongst other such issues have mostly escaped his attention and me for one  would have really enjoyed his take on these issues especially as they used to come with very sexy language and fine accent.

I guess with the return of the ever so beautiful madam, Chief has found better use of his time as can be gleaned from the pictures and clips that I have seen.

Anybody interested in seeing them, should reach out so that I can attempt to defeat Funke Akindele’s box office record with the clips – you should see Chief do the Buga, you will. Laugh and fall down.