Loud Whispers with Joseph Edgar

Tope Fasua: Through the Fire and Back

It looks like it was “Tope Fasua” week on X – that thing they used to call Twitter. Tope, like you all know, is  an economic adviser to this government in the Vice President’s office. You see, Tope is my friend but he no dey hear word. When he was appointed, I had mentioned to him to pull back from public advocacy since his utterances will now be seen as that of the government. I also mentioned that he was too junior in the scheme of things to be making proclamations that would and could be seen as the government’s position. But he said he would be ok.

Well, he wasn’t ok last week because he got the abuse of his life on social media over some utterances that even me sef I saw as irresponsible. When the hullabaloo was too much, I asked someone to send me the remarks, because I will never go to that thing they call X for anything. If you see the way they have finished Prof. Soyinka, you sef will run from the thing.

When I saw what Tope wrote, I screamed. Tope was quoted to have said that banks should lose their licences for damaging the economy or hoarding forex or something along those lines o. I will forget that Tope is my friend and lambast him. Nigeria is bigger than our friendship.

Tope, that was the most irresponsible and vacuous statement to have ever been made by any public official since Lugard was made to sign the amalgamation by his side chick, Flora Shaw.

Where did you put the CBN, the regulatory body that is regulating the banks in all of these? Abi you did not hear that the banks operated under the regime of Melchizedek who brooked no opposition? Instead of you people to sit down and look for a way out of this quagmire you are there looking for who to blame.

See my brother, I repeat my advice, if you are not careful, you will run into a storm that may consume your career with this your public advocacy. You are now in government and must be seen and heard very rarely. You must clear your utterances with your seniors before releasing them. You are part of a hierarchy, a system and cannot be running around like a drunken sailor and saying every and anything that catches your fancy my brother.

This is beyond you, if you know you have no reasonable advice to give your principals based on your offer letter, is it not better to just leave the place and come make we resume dey chop our afang for Duke’s summit instead of exposing yourself to little children that were not even born when you were doing JAMB to be exposing your big fat pimples filled backside like that Yoruba actor who exposed himself on the beach for Tinubu during elections.

My brother, you no try. No vex say I yab you but if you vex, he no matter. We are in a fight for Nigeria, there will be casualties.

Why We Should Ignore Aisha Yesufu for Now

This our DSS will not understand what is happening now o. They will now be shaking all over the place and in their usual gra gra with no strategy may want to move against this woman o. For those of you who do not know what has happened, let me give you guys a quick gist.

So, this woman, this Aisha woman covers her body and everywhere else, even wears gloves but exposes her face and starts to abuse Tinubu, DSS, SSS, EFCC and everybody that she remembers. The only person she didn’t abuse was the Shomolu Local Government Chairman- I don warn am. She reserved more vitriol for DSS, calling them a useless organisation and that it is only when there is protest that they will gather intelligence especially if it is involving women and children but when the lives of Nigerians are at risk, no intelligence.

This woman talk o. She abused our president, no name she didn’t call him o and even dared DSS to come and arrest her, saying that when they arrest her she will be freer than those of us outside, that at least they will protect her unlike the average Nigerian who is not sure of his safety.

Mbok as she spoke, the thing that came to my mind was market women fighting on the streets or prostitutes fighting over a drunk customer. This one no be activist o, this one no get finesse, this one na just cat fight she dey fight. The mouth runs at over 1,000 words per second, with no decorum, no finesse and no class. This is not how to do activism.

But seriously, I think the DSS who was the brunt of her assault should not be like her and react in the same fashion. They should at best ignore her or engage her on the issues she tried to raise in her tirade. They should do the IBB style. To date, nobody has been able to silence critics the way he did with charm and a smile. See what he did to Tai Solarin with his appointment into People’s Bank and the TV interview which forever scattered that one’s credibility.

They should do like the FBI and get a side chick for her husband and that will destabilise her totally. Because during that clip she kept saying- my husband this, my husband that -meaning that she is a classic “aboko ku.” So, get her by distracting him. Too many Lekki slay queens to be used and you may even throw Bobrisky into the mix.

The end sha is for you people to tell your principal to ensure good governance. Simple. Thank you.

Davido, Burna Boy, Olamide: We Stand

When I saw the list of all the Nigerian artistes nominated for this year’s Grammys, something struck me. They did not consult with the Federal Character Commission in arriving at their list. E be like say na somebody from the Buhari government consult for them, you know that government wrote the book on nepotism and ethnically challenged governance.

No single musician from Akwa Ibom o, Rivers manage get one but the rest of the country no even get one showing. What North gained from the Buhari government, the Grammys take everything. Laugh wan kill me for them.

Then, just as I was about to petition them to ask simply if, na only Yoruba people can sing, get tattoos, wear big rings and chains, and be smoking igbo, the results came out.

A whole whitewash. Not even one win for Nigeria, my tribalism just died and national patriotism entered. Reminds me of the drunk that used to beat his wife in Shomolu and when we were all tired and joined to beat him, his wife fought us back asking – are you the one he is beating?

Mbok, Grammys you have beaten me o. We are all Nigerians o. All of us have tattoos and all of us are smoking igbo and carrying gold teeth. You cannot nominate about 12 of us and go and give the award to one little South African on a song that was inspired by a Nigerian.

E be like say you have some INEC staff doing an exchange programme in that your office because this thing just looks one kind – rigged.

Anyways, we remain who we are, a strong and indivisible entity that will not allow you to shake us. We retain the right to shake ourselves, by ourselves and for ourselves and not you.

Thank you and keep your “yeye” award, we no want again. Thank you.

I Finally Watched AFCON

I had lost interest in football for a very long time and only just started regaining my interest because of my brother Kunle Soname. Kunle who is the proprietor of BETNaija and who built a world class football academy in his home town in Ikenne had rekindled my love for the game. I still go to his fantastic stadium to watch live premiership games and really do enjoy it, I swear.

But the AFCON and anything Super Eagles, I no gree. I stopped watching their games since Kanu Nwankwo lost one bad penalty which got us kicked out of one international tournament. Since I am  battling with BP and do not want to take drugs, I decided to spare myself the trauma.

All I used to hear will be stories of the mess up and I will shrug my shoulders and walk away.

But last Wednesday, I watched the second half of Nigeria’s match with South Africa. The Eagles were inspiring o and one boy with gold hair and a lot of charisma carried the team. What is that his name again, they removed him from the game at some point and the cameras kept showing his face as the game continued.

Then it was time for penalties and our goalkeeper wey look like G-Wagon was there to catch the balls ensuring our victory. Kai, I was happy o, especially as the captain is an Akwa Ibom man. The first ever.

Mbok, these boys have made me proud o but no prouder than Gov Adeleke who was shown jumping out of his chair to dance and be doing leg like “sangalo”.

Well-done guys. Well-done. Oya let’s finish it and bring back the cup mbok. Afang for all of you if you win the cup. Thank you.

Abolore Solebo: A Man About Town

This very super intelligent banker has just been announced an Executive Director at the famous Fidelity Bank. If you know me very well, you will understand my glee. I am one for generational change in business and this appointment goes to the core of that.

Abolore is young, sweet and super brilliant. His understanding of the tenets of banking, his world view and his comradeship remains outstanding.

In talks with his Chairman, the ever brilliant Mustafa Chike Obi. He had mentioned that “Duke you should meet Abolore, he is a leader to watch out for.” Abolore came looking like a model from GQ and I wished he was tall so that I could carry him upside down and collect his shoes.

Abolore is a quintessential professional and it is just as well that the system noticed and have rewarded him with this position. I know he is poised for mega things with this and I do certainly wish him well. Congrats bro.

What a Shame for Pa Olowofela

When you feel nothing else will shock you in this Nigeria, Pa Olowefela hits you. This 80-year-old man has been arrested and announced as one of the alleged brains behind the kidnapping epidemic that has hit Ekiti and Kwara states in recent times. I hear that he has also been linked to the killings of the monarchs recently.

His picture was released and I looked at a very harmless old man who had the wickedness of Lucifer if what has been reported is anything to go by.

Much as I still insist that his rights be respected, the system should go ahead very quickly with the process and do what they have to do. Kai. This is really sad. At that age? God help us.