Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR
The last time I squared off with a man of this age and standing, it was the police they used to pursue me. Not that I fear police o, but annoying a “daddy” may have some ancestral connotations so one must tread very carefully.
Anyways, a very old video of Chief Bode George has reemerged on the eve of the very sad and tragic passing of the influential Access Bank honcho. In the said video, Chief George railed about bank chiefs and how in his own estimation they have milked the system and made themselves fatuously wealthy to the point that they are “advertising their private universities on CNN.”
In his moment in the sun, he mentioned names of which these two didn’t sit well with me – Wigwe and Tony Elumelu. To be fair to him, the video is dated but dark cowards have gone to fish it out for their devilish and mischievous purposes. So, I would be totally wrong if I took aim at the sweet and chubby granddad who looks like a “Father Christmas” instead of taking aim at the faceless miscreants who have seized Herbert’s sad passing to throw bile at his legacy.
Daddy, these two have worked very seriously at delivering certain set visions which have grown beyond them and have taken root globally. They have and still in the case of Tony built huge financial conglomerates with very serious international and multilateral investing organisations embedded. These organisations do not joke with corporate governance and best practices and as such would have been the very first in pushing back and we would not have to wait for you to wake up from your siesta to come and be telling us tales by moonlight when you are not working for NTA.
Access Bank and UBA under these two gentlemen have grown so big that their imprints now cascade the continent, berthing other such massive enterprises in other sectors of the economy leading to huge job creation, massive infrastructural development and much more importantly inspiring confidence in our economy.
As an investment banker, I laugh at all the “useless” write-ups on how Herbert stole Intercontinental Bank that is circulating. As one that was very close to that transaction, I can say for certain that these stories are just pigwash aimed at rubbishing a tight and well curated legacy.
For Tony, you all know I am not his fan, but what we cannot deny is his influence in all sectors he is playing. Such huge entrepreneurial spirits come rarely. From philanthropy to power, from finance to leadership, he continues to push and pull garlands towards himself and the nation.
So, singling them out as the main reason for the “shitty” situation we find ourselves in is just an exercise in tom foolery.
Daddy, shouldn’t we be with the grandkids at this time, telling them stories of yore under the mango tree instead of lending our personality and weight to philistines who are running around with tar in a futile attempt at tarnishing well-built reputations and legacy?
We never learn. It’s simply the crab mentality. We remain crabs, I swear. Annoying.
Henry Omoregie: The MTN of the Matter
My people I was at the centre of attack last Sunday in this our beautiful Sunday THISDAY o. That was how I was flipping through the paper after a hot bowl of afang and something caught my eye. It was the twin logos of MTN and one other one that I will not mention their “green” name and a full page write-up by one Henry Omoregie, calling himself scholar and researcher who resides in Benin.
As I was about to flip past I suddenly saw my name. My name o, in full glory- Joseph Edgar. I stopped. Which Joseph Edgar is this one o? I thought for a moment. There can be no two Joseph Edgars in this Lagos. I started reading patiently and it was my own Joseph Edgar this Bini man was abusing.
Mbok, the guy finished me o. He said three things that really pained me. He said that I have an inferiority complex seeing that I was bearing two English names forgetting that he too was Henry. The second one was that I was a traitor to Nigeria and compared me to the traitors who worked with the colonial masters. Lastly, he said I failed at my alumni elections and as such nobody should take me seriously.
My people, by this time I did not know how to react. Kai, this bobo finish me o. What did I even do to warrant all these yabis? Na because I yab Reno Omokri on his very infantile pursuit of “war against foreign companies.” I had railed at him wondering why we were wailing that these FDIs were leaving and seeing him pushing Nigerians to ignore and use debt to kill the very few that were left.
I reminded him that he didn’t have the competence to talk on the matter since there was nothing in his background of pedigree that showed that he had sense enough to contribute on such a sensitive issue.
In response, na him this “wanchoro” come use AI aided technology yab me. People have been begging me to ignore them but I don’t know how to ignore this kind thing o. Me, that I look for trouble for a living.
I went on a WhatsApp ranting spree. Both the Henry and the Reno, I finish dem with hot yabis. There is nothing I did not call them and people started begging me and praying that my data should finish so that they can rest from my yabis.
If you want to defend your principals, why pull my personality inside? Meaning that this Henry person if he had my nudes, he would release it o, just to defend a position that is unattainable.
Mbok, what are the facts? There is a huge debt upwards of N10 billion which has generated another N2 billion in interest of which N1.6 billion has been paid. It was NCC that ordered the disconnection as MTN has no such powers, VAT payments are to be reconciled by FIRS.
It is this one that the “terrible duo” wants us not to pay because we are Nigerians and because the South African President would not support a South African company over a Nigerian one.
Mbok, let me tell these two very succinctly- we may be a poor country as the Presidency has just labelled us but we are a proud people. We Nigerians meet our obligations to all and that is why, if there is anything I love the President for, it is meeting his obligations to international credit bodies despite the crises that we face.
We will not support financial truancy as we are not bastards. We are Nigerians and we are a very proud people and we must earn our respect by standing by our obligations no matter how difficult it is for us to meet. We are Nigerians and we are not slaves.
When you are ready, you come and let us fight- both of you. Yes, let us meet anywhere and let us fight, real boxing o, not this verbal war. Both of you against only one me and you will see what a Shomolu born, Akwa Ibom man, with a crazy addiction to porn and afang will do to your faces. Msheww.
Ruth Osime: A Wonderful Outing
On the back of the sad passing of the great Herbert Wigwe, we sauntered into the alluring venue of screen beauty and media personality- Ruth Osime’s 60th birthday bash.
It was a subdued event as the attendee circle were of almost the same circle Herbert Wigwe socialised with. Attendees spoke in hushed tones but still had the grace to give sinfully beautiful Ruth a wonderful time that she more than deserved.
As I walked in, I met the brilliant Chairman of Fidelity Bank, my egbon Mustafa Chike-Obi on his way out. We greeted and hugged, and from there I moved straight into the arms of Fidelis Anosike whose very beautiful wife, the delectable actress Rita Dominic sat with my sister, brilliant and sweet investment banker Chioma Okigbo.
Mai Atafo looked extraordinarily handsome so tey I come dey wonder if he don do surgery. Mai no fine like this before o, wetin he dey chop was what I wondered as I hugged him and moved straight into the arms of debonair banker and financial wizard Robert Mbonu. Kai, Robert is a class act. He hugged me and we spoke about Herbert for a bit and I left him to go greet Chief Okoya who had just walked in with his prize jewel Shade. This Shade is a wonder o. Kai, timeless beauty. Then my mummy of Africa entered. Senator Florence Ita-Giwa na real immortal beauty. I did not go and greet her o as people will not let her be. They were disturbing her with too much greetings so I decided not to add my own.
Then I saw my greatest of the greatest – Tonye Cole. Tonye was dressed like an Italian Mafia don complete with bowler hat and looked very handsome and rested. He hugged me, we talked a bit and I promised to raid his wardrobe one of these days.
What most people don’t know is that Azuka Ogujiuba is the mother of the Duke of Shomolu as a columnist. She was the one that brought me to THISDAY and fought for me to get this column and for this I forever remain grateful. She looked like a thousand stars that night with the white attire and colour hair. Well done baby girl.
Then Ruth came in. Oh my God, I cannot begin to describe what she wore o. She changed like three times, each time raising the bar and her dance steps from old school through to her village dance threw her up for the queen of style that she is o. I tapped her and she turned and I gave her a hug and the perfume catch me to the point that when I got home Duchess lamented- you have gone to cheat again o, and I said it was Ruth Osime 60th, and she replied is that your latest girlfriend, and I muttered under my breath as I walked towards the shower – I wish.
Happy birthday, my queen. It was such a beautiful outing. God bless you. Mbok, put my name for the 61st. God will keep all of us alive.
Wale Adedeji: AI in Reckoning
I have not personally met this chap but have spoken to him several times. He is an AI and cloud expert who has consulted for so many top international businesses. In recent years he has consulted for such huge international concerns as RBS, Oracle, BT, Lloyds, Vodafone and GTBank.
I spoke with him the other day and he made a statement that rattled my tiny brain. He said: “Gone are the days of gut – feel decisions and intuition driven strategies, today the competitive landscape demands precision, agility, data-driven insights and that is where AI steps in.”
By the time this bobo finished with me, my head was woozing I swear. He continued, “Edgar, the boardroom buzzes with excitement, data projections dancing across the screen, a dizzying symphony of numbers and charts…”
My people, there and then, I decide not to listen to this one alone. I immediately called my brother Ugodre, promoter of the very influential online business platform, Nairametrics and said to him “Ugo I don jam messiah. Make we do breakfast meeting and invite all the chief technology officers of the top brands to attend make we open their eyes.”
If our companies can be strong, then we can revive our economy. Ugo agree and I don finalise breakfast meeting at the Wheatbaker with Wale as guest speaker. After it all, I go just go somewhere go sleep because he would have given me a huge headache with all of that data crunching talk. Kai.
I Met Gossy Ukanwoke
Nigeria has its own fair share of geniuses and Gossy is one of them. I had heard so much about him, especially his foray into education, technology and philanthropy that when the opportunity to meet up came, I grabbed with both hands.
Gossy is the chief promoter of Betking, Nigeria’s second largest betting platform with over 600 employees and about 35,000 agents.
As I walked into his very spacious office, I noticed that he has two desks and I immediately asked, “Mbok, are you sharing an office?” and he said “no ooo. I oscillate between the two.”
He is young and looks it; well-groomed with flat facial hair that makes him quite handsome. Not too tall but super brilliant as expected. He did not open up to me as quickly as I too, I am looking at such a young man who has done so much. I hear he pays billions to the government as tax and is the main pillar behind some banks in terms of deposits and short-term financing bridge.
As I looked away from him, I saw a football pitch and I made my inquiries and he said “Yes, I play on some Saturdays.” We talked about AI and he opened his laptop and said: “Edgar, let me write a script for your next play for you.” I say na lie, I dare you.
He opened the laptop and typed – write a script…. And the thing started to write o. In five minutes come and see a full script. I screamed, kai Makinde Adeniran, the brilliant writer of my play ‘Awo,’ is gone o.
We then started talking about his business, his philanthropy and his penchant for the disabled. His Foundation supports their sporting activities and many more.
I am planning to meet up with him again to better discuss and understand his outlook and his quest for sustainable economic change in Nigeria. Make una no worry, I go gist una. Thanks.
