Take Ownership

I  struggled with what to label this piece. “Taking Ownership?” “Blame Game?” “Becoming Vested?”

I have a confession. Few weeks ago, in a moment of regrettable emotion I succumbed to anger, and with a resounding “thwack,” I slapped my fifteen-year-old son across the face, not once, but twice. I understand that there is tension in the polity, but I did not need to bring it into my home. He is slightly taller than I am, will turn 16 in April and is at a critical juncture in his academic journey. He wrote “trial” GCE last November/December. He had a good result. We wanted a great result. He is writing the West African Examination Council (WAEC) Exam in April, United Tertiary Matriculation Exams (UTME), NECO, thereafter PUTME, SAT in November, etc. He has his hands full. We had even meticulously completed JAMB forms and selected the Universities that would pave the way for his higher education. I thought we were on track; on the same page.

The “Double Thwack.”

I admit this lapse in judgement. I mean the “double thwack.” I am not proud of what I did, and how I did it. My outburst was ill timed and done in the heat of anger with his math teacher sitting in my living room. I ate humble pie and extended the olive branch.

When the dust settled and we had reconciled, I had to contemplate and explain to myself and to him why I lost my temper. What led to the incident? We did what management gurus’ term “root-cause analysis” (lol). We analysed our activities for the day, leading up to the time of the “double thwack.” When dealing with this new generation – the millennials, the Gen Zs and the dreaded Alphas, you have to be armed with your answers to their “whys?”.  Trust me, “because I said so”, is outrightly inadequate.

I think the catalyst for my loss of composure was his dismissive remark, uttered with an unmistakable attitude – “it’s not my fault.” This declaration came after he kept his math teacher waiting for an exasperating 20 minutes before he leisurely descended the stairs. I found myself screaming, “I am not going to raise young men (he is a twin) who will not take responsibility for their actions.” His twin brother was standing between us, appealing to me to calm down, ‘mummy please…” In the midst of my frustration, my impassioned cries echoed through the household, emphasising my determination not to raise young men who evade responsibility for their actions and pass the blame on anything or anyone available to put it on.

Thinking about it again, I confess I was also miffed by the amount of money, hubby and I are paying for the math extra lessons. The weight of this financial commitment added an additional layer of vexation to an already tense situation. Maybe I was hoping he could see and appreciate our “sacrifice”, and run down the stairs every time the teacher was around.

I was also angry at a school system that has made extra lessons absolutely compulsory, leaving parents with almost no discretion. I was angry at a Country and maybe a World that has enabled private schooling and institutions to become so powerful and pervasive?

Reflecting on this incident, I acknowledge the imperfection in my response as much as I recognise the importance of fostering responsibility and accountability in my son. As I commit to guiding him through this pivotal phase of adolescence into young adulthood, I understand that my actions, despite their initial impact, should serve as a catalyst for growth and reflection for both of us. My actions needed to be more calculated, intentional, and controlled.

I also had to ask myself, how vested my son was in our grandiose plan for his future. How well have we communicated it? Has he bought into it? Does he own it? Is it his plan? Is it his vision or just ours – a dream we had concocted that we just invite him into from time to time? Why is the extra math lesson important? Have we created a nexus between his aspirations and the math lesson? This is for my next piece.

Going back to my fit of rage. I did lose my temper. My son did not make me lose my temper, the school did not make me lose my temper, the Nigerian Government did not make me lose my temper. They and other influences may be contributory factors, but I made a choice and I lost my temper. If I was going to get past this, I had to take responsibility and quit looking for whose door at which to leave the blame. This does not in any way mean that we should encourage mediocrity in our sons, or suffer fools gladly. Rather, I need to be careful and not nurture the culture of blame which manifests as lack of accountability, or constantly passing responsibility onto others for errors or missteps. The choice of blaming, I realise is counterproductive and actually dis-empowers the perpetrators.

What is it With the Culture of Blame?

The Culture of Blame is a pervasive and insidious atmosphere, where the inclination to assign fault and culpability takes precedence over constructive problem-solving and collective accountability. It manifests as a toxic undercurrent that corrodes teamwork, stifles innovation, and impedes the overall growth and harmony within an organisational framework. We must be cautious not to be cultivating an apiary for the culture of blame, in the name of building an institution.

Blame cultures reinforce themselves where culpability is directed specially to employees, rather than the organisation taking its own responsibility. Where employees instead of taking responsibility, persist in pointing fingers at the organisation. The result is that, instead of viewing mistakes as opportunities for learning and improvement, and collaborating to address challenges, people are preoccupied with accusation, vilification, breeding fear, reluctance to admit fault, and a perpetual cycle of finger-pointing.

Mitigating the Culture of Blame

Mitigating the Culture of Blame requires a concerted effort to transform an organisational mindset and cultivate an environment that fosters responsibility, collaboration, and continuous improvement.

Here are a few strategies, to alleviate the grip of blame culture:

Open Communication

Establish channels for open communication, where employees feel comfortable expressing concerns, suggesting improvements, and admitting errors without fear of retribution. An atmosphere of trust, fosters collaboration and creativity.

Collective Accountability

Promote a culture where collective accountability takes precedence over individual blame. Encourage team members to collaboratively analyse and address issues, emphasising that everyone plays a role in the success and challenges faced by the organisation.

Lead by Example

Leadership sets the tone for organisational culture. Culture is not what you have written on the walls of your office, or what you throw around during a pitch. Culture is the daily experiences people have, every time they come through the doors of the office. Culture is palpable, it is a living thing. Leaders must exemplify humility, transparency and a willingness to take responsibility for mistakes. This fosters a culture of openness and trust.

Celebrate Success and Progress

Acknowledge and celebrate achievements, both individual and collective. Recognising accomplishments fosters a positive atmosphere, making it less likely for blame to overshadow the recognition of hard work and dedication. Maybe if I had properly celebrated my son’s GCE accomplishment, he would have run down the stairs when the Math Teacher came.

Post-Incident Reviews

Implement a systematic approach to post-incident reviews, focusing on understanding the root causes of issues, rather than assigning blame. This analytical process helps identify opportunities for improvement, and prevents the recurrence of similar incidents. I did this with my sons after the “double thwack” and we ended up hobnobbing, all forgiven.

Conclusion

In summary, mitigating the Culture of Blame requires a cultural shift, one that prioritises growth, collective accountability, and open communication. By instilling an approach that views mistakes as stepping stones toward improvement, law firms can pave the way for a more resilient, innovative, and collaborative workplace environment.