Loud Whispers With JOSEPH EDGAR

Aliko Dangote:  His Tears, Our Pain

Aliko Dangote is but a mythical character. He has joined the pantheon of Nigerians who have legendary stories around them. Like the story of Thunder Balogun “fire ring” a shot that passed through the belly of an unfortunate chap. Like Da Rochas who was said to dry clean his suits in England. Like Awolowo whom you could see sitting on the moon if you looked up in the sky and like Fela’s mum who would hear you talk about her if you put your back to the wall while speaking.

Dangote with his wealth and tremendous goodwill has broken into the pantheons of immortals. A lot has been said and is still being said about his powers. His wealth threw him up as a superhuman who had no iota of blood in him. He is that superhero who was so rich, that he ‘can buy Nigeria’ as one denizen claimed at the newspaper stand near Onipanu in Shomolu.

But last Monday, at the Night of Tributes for Herbert Wigwe, we saw a broken man. As he walked towards the podium, his shoulders slouched, his head bowed to the ground, all I could feel was pity and a very strong urge to go hug him and say “Remember you are Aliko Dangote, the man that is richer than Nigeria.”

As he spoke that cool evening, you could see the humanity in him. His voice quaked, his demeanour solemn and his visage so sad. He was giving a tribute to a man who decided to fall from the sky and change the trajectory of history.

The hall was filled up with “his people” and we all just sat there in gloom as Alhaji attempted to be a man. At some point, he cackled and broke down and Aigboje had to take to the stage to give him strength.

We felt his pain and indeed Nigerians also felt pain as he spoke. Dangote may never be the same again was what was on my mind. This Herbert had made it such that we all now are crying much more than the bereaved, and Dangote personified our full grief that night at Eko Hotel.

Segun Agbaje: What a Man

I have never had the good fortune of meeting this “bobo” and all I know about him is from stories that get bandied about him in town. Based on these stories, I had built a “bad boy” image around him. Oh, Segun is this, oh Segun is that, Edgar, you dared to yab Segun, you are toast. He never forgets he is Machiavellian and he frowns too much.

Then he went on stage to deliver a tribute at Herbert’s Night of Tributes and he slammed it. He gave one of the most inspiring tributes of the evening. His style was flowery but incipiently deep. He wove a fine tale that leaned heavily on humour with the right dose of sarcasm while tingeing it with self-deprecating anecdotes.

It was such a lovely delivery that it lifted the spirit in the hall while also showing us another side of Herbert that some of us didn’t personally know.

For me, the most exciting part of the speech was how all three of them – himself, Herbert and Aigboje were all sent to Harvard. As he introduced the speech, he paused for a nanosecond and deadpanned – wrong move. The import of that statement was not lost on the crowd as they all laughed and then he continued:  “We all came back but Aigboje and Herbert now had bigger dreams for themselves hence their leaving.” He ended that narrative with a very wicked punchline:  “Thankfully I stayed.”

“We competed but remained friends,” was the next line as GTB and Access Bank fought in the marketplace for market share. He regaled us with stories on the streets, the struggle to build huge financial behemoths, the stress on themselves and relationships but ended it all by showing us that in the thick of things, the friendly bond still stayed to the very end.

At some point, he too broke down but immediately regained composure as he concluded one of the very best eulogies of the night.

Well done my brother. God will protect us all.

Tokunbo Awolowo-Dosunmu   Truly Her Father’s Daughter

Recently, I saw first-hand what a female child can do. Dr. (Mrs.) Tokunbo Awolowo-Dosunmu shut down the political and financial communities by dragging almost every prominent Nigerian to the Intercontinental Hotel for the Chief Obafemi Awolowo Leadership Prize.

The award went to Dr. Akinwumi Adesina, the bowtie-wearing President of the AfDB who has been severally celebrated all over for his numerous contributions globally.

Mummy had invited me to the event on one of my numerous visits to her in Ikenne, trying to plug ‘Awo the Musical.’ We are taking the play to the UK but not before we do a showing in Ikenne, their hometown and this meant discussing and strategising with her.

It was at one of those visits that she invited me to the event. Everybody was there o, from Chief Emeka Anyaoku to Chief Obasanjo who had just marked his 87th birthday the previous day, to very prominent traditional leaders like the Ooni of Ife, the Emir of Bichi and the Olu of Warri.

Vice President Kashim Shettima was there o. I saw him on the screen from the back where I sat. It was a grand occasion as clips from Chief Awolowo’s life were screened on the giant scenes and speaker after speaker stood up to eulogise the man and his unparalleled vision.

The event was more than grand, the huge hall contained a distinguished audience which also included foreign heads of state and other international dignities.

Then I got hungry and I asked one very beautiful usher, “Please will they give us food?” And she said “I doubt,” and I said to myself, we have to leave now, we have come and we have seen, it was a beautiful ceremony.

I took my leave, ran away with the giant keepsakes that they gave us and ended up at the very elegant Natives Restaurant in Lekki for a freshly prepared bowl of afang and pounded yam. Kai, almost fainted.

But after eating, I started to think. That was a girl child, keeping her father’s memory and legacy alive in such a big way. The second thing that crept through my mind again was how the Vice President of Nigeria and other top leaders who attended, felt when they were hit with the selflessness of Chief Obafemi Awolowo.

My people, knowing these ones very well, they would just … Mbok fill in the gaps yourself. I don tire for Nigeria. Thank you.

Joseph Wayas: Much Ado About a Legacy

This was a very flamboyant politician who was the Senate President in the Second Republic. He used to look so ebullient and handsome. His side grey beards stood him out as a very elegant aristocrat. Then he died.

He died in 2021 in faraway London and the then government of the Cross River State where he hailed from was reported to have released the princely sum of N200 million to cover his burial expenses.

But somehow, I have just seen reports that the family owes the morgue about N120 million in back-end maintenance fees for the body. The family is now said to be in a dilemma on how they can pay off this debt and bring back his body to be buried in his homeland.

Why they didn’t bring back his body much earlier beats me. They must have been going through the usual internal bickering on who gets what, thereby forgetting the most important thing which is how to respectfully honour their patriarch.

Now the shame is on the family if what I am reading is true. A very shameful thing to do to be in debt over the corpse of a very prominent Nigerian like Joe Wayas. There is no other way to put it than to state very clearly how disappointed and embarrassed we are about the treatment meted out to this Nigerian who gave so much to the country by his family.

No more to add, before they come and fight me; you know how Nigerians can usually lose the plot and be distracted with mundane things instead of facing the main issue.

Be waiting, you will soon see a rejoinder to this write-up and even worse, a lawyer will now write to me and say, “Mr. Duke, on page 19 of your column, you had…” Na so e dey be, instead of them concentrating on efforts at removing this family shame, na me they will be chasing now.

Since 2021? This is more than a shame, it’s a disgrace.

Eric Umeofia: In Defence of Free Speech

I don’t know where we are on this matter so I have to tread softly. Anyway, I stumbled on an ARISE TV programme where a beautiful young female Nigerian named Chioma was in tears as she narrated her ordeal in the hands of this big chief who sells tomato paste.

Apparently, she had gone on Facebook to pass a comment on “too much sugar” in this paste and concluded by saying that “this is how they k….. people.”

Chief died. Oh my God, he must have screamed. My work for 40 years and this girl who didn’t marry as a virgin was now coming to destroy it? Oh, my 3,000 workers, my labour, my chieftaincy title, everything this girl wants to spoil.

You know how these big chiefs do. Just picture Chief Zebrudaya complete with bad English and you will see the scenario when the post was brought to the chief in his living room as he was quaffing down palm wine after a full bowl of “ofe onugbu” prepared by his beautiful wife.

Something must be done and pronto, Chioma was arrested and moved to Abuja. It took the Federal Consumer Protection agency to free her but then again, I hear the chief was now threatening to slam a N5 billion civil case against her if she did not apologise.

My people, I have spoken to so many people who should know about this matter — police, lawyers, consumer rights activists and they all concluded that this is broad daylight bullying by this chief.

So, is the chief telling us that if he was Buhari or Tinubu who faces all sorts of attacks daily, he would have thrown capital punishment on us?

See, Tinubu is the most vilified in Nigeria today and the man is taking it in his strides, let alone a “common” you wey someone yab your tomato paste, you don run go call IG, call US Marines and even call Amotekun to come and fight for you.

Then you cannot also be like the cola beverages that we used to “kill” every day even up to the point of using it as an experiment to wash the toilet or crack the car windscreen. Have you ever seen the videos of people listing how many sugars are in a bottle of cola beverage? Have they gone to arrest anybody or gone on an emotional rant on TV with sweat coming out of every pore on their head?

My brother chief, there are some things you should leave for the experts. If you do not have PR experts or brand custodians, then you come and let me recommend some for you so that they will know how to manage things like this instead of worsening your matter with all this public bumbling that you are doing.

Even the Chief of Army Staff whom I personally have been abusing since they kidnapped General Duru has not sent military police to come and carry me and give me frog jump o. Na you wey person just yab your tomato paste, see as you dey cry.

Mbok, patience, strategy and detachment are the buzzwords for you going forward.  If you don’t understand, call me and I go teach you.

Kai! Tolerance is needed.

Yemi Edun: The ‘Diplomat’ in the House

My bowler hat-wearing friend, the ever-brilliant Yemi Edun, has just written a book on Nigeria’s High Commission in the UK. The book is titled ‘Number One Mission.’ According to Yemi, he was pushed to write this book as a result of the historical antecedents of the High Commission and also as a result of the unique positioning it has in the lives of the many Nigerians who live and work in the UK.

In writing this very beautiful book, he took advantage of the intimate relationships he has had with the staff of the High Commission to better understand the role and mission of the commission, especially as it concerns the lives of Nigerians.

Yemi is a well-respected UK-based real estate guru with a huge network within the financial sector of Nigeria and with the political and economic elites. His clear understanding of the cultural ethos that makes up Nigeria on both sides of the Atlantic put him in a perfect position to curate the information that is in the book.

He launched the book at the posh Metropolitan Club in Victoria Island and the quality of people that came out was a strong testament to his reach and influence.

The other day, he presented the book to Chief Olusegun Obasanjo who was very excited at having a copy.

The book is a must-have not only for Nigerians in the UK but for every Nigerian who is really ignorant of the roles these Embassies and High Commissions play in our national development.

I have a copy and have read it and I must say that Yemi did a very good job on the book. Well done, my brother.

Mr Ibu’s Turbulent Passing

This end was inevitable. Nigerians have over the years been inundated with the intrigues, scandals and totally embarrassing ethos as displayed by this wonderful actor’s immediate family. It was all tales of lies, greed, illicit sex and selfishness all these while the man was struggling for his life.

Mr. Ibu was a gifted actor who brought so much joy and happiness to Nigerian homes through the way he depicted his characters. So, it was not surprising when Nigerians threw up over N100 million in a public frenzy as we all satruggled to save his life.

Then the scandal erupted which now led to the reported arrest of some members of his family. All these distractions would have hastened his passing I am sure, and today Nigeria has lost an all-important figure.

May God keep his soul and receive his gentle soul in his bosom. Thank you

Kate Henshaw’s Breaking News

The news of the passing of this delightful actress’s mother hit the waves just as I was about going to press last weekend.

Let me too send my heartfelt condolences to one of Nigeria’s most enduring creative personalities.

Pele oo my dear.