Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR

They say as a fellow Akwa Ibom man, I should stop talking, so I have kinda kept quiet for a bit but the rumbling train wreck that is our oga in the Senate keeps hurtling on. From one misstep to the other. From the imbroglio at Herbert’s burial straight to the paddy paddy scandal rocking the Senate, it has been one big wobbly and turbulent era for this oga.

More than ever before, Nigerians are beginning to question the relevance of the structure. They are asking if exactly the cost of running the National Assembly, especially at these harsh economic times, duly justifies its existence. Some have even gone as far as to ask for a parliamentary system or even a unicameral structure.

When I watch the Senate proceedings, I see the whole thing like a town hall meeting, not very far from a session at the local beer parlour here in Shomolu. Submissions are opaque, and not clearly thought out, hierarchy is not based on merit but seniority, and resolutions are not taken seriously by other arms of the government or even the citizenry.

Today, the Senate has lost its respect and rightly so. The Senate President in his submission during the Senator Ningi’s wahala stated as much. He is quoted to have said that Nigerians now query the integrity of the Senate as a result of this “Ningigate.”

My brother, it is not today that we have started looking at this your Senate with one kind eye. This particular Senate has gone on with so much insensitivity that one would not be queried if one thought that it was populated by citizens from the Niger Republic.

Mr. Akpabio can you please sit up? Can you please just sit up and give us a much more deserving Senate? Kai, this one no be am at all. This is not what we voted for and certainly not what we are paying for, this na “Bolekaja” Senate. Kai! Heaven help us.

Ningi: A Prodigal in the Senate

I watched him very closely as he spoke and was surprised when I heard that he apologised at some point. He spoke very confidently, falling back on his experience as a ranking Senator and even went as far as throwing up his leadership quotient by saying “Do not hold the members of the Northern Senators Forum responsible, hold me responsible. I speak for myself…”

He had claimed that we were running two budgets and that the North was at a disadvantage as a result. He further asserted that a whopping N3 trillion had been padded with no concurrent projects tied to it.

This was a very strong allegation that went straight to the ethnic faultiness of the country. This kind of assertion should have been released with so much responsibility as it could ignite the country and finally bring it to its knees. Kai! He even reaffirmed it a second time, so hearing that he apologised before he was suspended really riled me.

What manner of irresponsibility is this? What manner of people are we voting into that chamber? Do we put in another system where after people have been voted for they will still go through a certain type of scrutiny before being sworn in? The system of democracy that we now run is a “money for hand, vote for box” type which throws up people like this into very powerful and influential positions.

As I watched him walk out of the chambers after his suspension was announced, I could only just shake my head at a system that allows such buffoonery in places of power. Na wa.

Seyi Law, What’s the Matter?

This person has been angry for a bit now. Since he stated his strong support for President Tinubu, he has been the butt of jokes, insults and abuse on social media. This has in turn made him a very angry man.

The other day, he threatened to “beat Noble Igwe, if he as much as touches the helm of my garment”. He made this assertion during an interview and for emphasis, put his finger on his tongue the way illiterate people do to “swear.”

Just as that one was dying down; he came out again but this time his rants were aimed at Rhodes Vivour, the PDP candidate in the last Lagos governorship elections. He reportedly called that one son of “returned slaves” and as expected the internet went after him again.

I think Mr. Seyi has done enough damage to his already ailing career as I do not see any fanbase there anymore. You see, politics is a very dangerous game especially when you mix it with a career that was at best very tepid. Mr. Law in the first instance wasn’t a triple-A comedian in the first place, he only just used to “jomo” during big shows and repeat stale jokes to get the minimal laughs that allowed him to make a living.

He now went to put to flames even this one by pulling in politics to his branding. To say that he is very much disliked right now in his core demographic is stating the obvious and this is why I am calling on the leading lights of the political movement that he has sacrificed his career for to “find something for the bobo” before hungry enter o. Sad.

Alex Otti Deserves My Apology

Bad bele is not good o. As I saw the accolades pouring in for this gentleman, I had an irresistible urge to compare him to my governor in Akwa Ibom, who apart from the Happy Hour and the squabble in Ibeno, we have not really seen anything noteworthy.

As the acclaim mounted, my jealousy rose. Kai, why is this man doing so much in Abia over such a short time? I queried. That was how I went to the Duke summit and fired.

He is just nine months old in the saddle and this project has seen three Governors and almost collapsed a bank such that AMCON had to come in to salvage it. So why is he now collecting accolades?

A man from Agenebode abi na Ishan, you know these people with their sharp mouths – na dem full police – just said to me, “Edgar abeg shut up, na so you go dey open mouth dey talk rubbish when you no get facts.”

I responded quickly, “No vex o Pa Imoudu. Wetin be the facts?” and he went on to educate me. He told me that Otti as Executive Director at First Bank, was part of the funding team and continued in this role up to when he became the Managing Director at the then Diamond Bank and it’s only just befitting that the project now came alive during his term as governor.

I opened my mouth to apologise, the Ishan man told me to shut up and listen. That the place they call ringfence now has 24-hour power and as such is beginning to attract commercial and industrial attention, and that I should concentrate on my happy hour instead of spilling crap at something so historic and wonderful.

In humility and shame, I thanked him and promised to be more circumspect in my analysis going forward.

So Governor Otti, I send my unreserved apology to you and your team, and also to the Geometric Power people who must have gone through hell in seeing the completion of this project.

Make una no vex, I don go Uyo go do happy hour with lantern. Thank you so much.

Bello: A Father’s Son

This one really does not come at you with so much depth. He fires from the hips without as much as a thought before the words come out. I have read some of his posts on X and have marvelled at such outrageous thoughts, wondering from what kind of fecund mind these words were coming out.

Shockingly, I have just found out that he is an “honourable” member of the House of Representatives. Ohhh my God, this one, that is so one-minded? He is so shallow in thought and almost an extremist with an avowed dislike – I don’t want to use the word hatred just yet- for a full section of the country.

Then I stumbled on an interview he granted Seun Akinbaloye on that one’s podcast and opened my mouth in amazement at such profanity. Eyes blazing in an almost malnourished face, words spewing out with venom and gesticulating like one with arthritis, he tried very hard to destroy the fabric that holds us together as a nation.

People like this should be treated the way they treat Nazi war criminals. They should not be given the platform to spread their bile. They should be limited in their exposure to the public because they can cause insurrection. Why all the hate especially for one that has been so entitled and privileged? What would he now want the rest of us who have seen the worst of Nigeria to do? He has seen and tasted the very best that Nigeria can offer and yet he is still this hateful?

After watching the full interview in disgust, I concluded that this was a health case, sadly being left alone to roam in the hallowed chambers of the federal legislature.

AbdulRazaq AbdulRahman:  Ready for National Leadership

He is presently the Chairman of the Nigeria Governors’ Forum and also the Executive Governor of Kwara State. I strongly believe that he is ready for national positioning. I have watched very meticulously his public positioning for over four years. His calm mien, simplicity and very importantly, his approach to governance especially as it concerns public good I must say remains highly commendable.

His leadership of the governors’ forum has now given him the national platform to test his readiness for national leadership and from what is being said about his leadership, it is very clear that Nigeria would be needing him more on a larger rostrum.

I really find it difficult to write this kind of essay because as you all know, I am a well-known critic but if the truth is to be told this one time, I really must give myself a waiver. The way he has corralled the Governors forum, walking a tightrope being a member of the ruling party that is “messing” up but having in his membership opposition governors, and still being able to build a bridge of consensus to the point that the forum is now more than ever before a very strong tool for advocacy.

I watched how he steered the forum away from being confrontational when governors were thrown under the bus by the government during the forex crises. Governors were made scapegoats as they were pilloried for collecting FAAC and rushing to the mallams, thereby being consigned to the dustbin as major causative factors of the economic mess we find ourselves in.

A hot-headed chairman would have “attacked” and we would have lost the much-needed consensus needed by all parties to resolve this matter. But Alhaji calmly diffused the issue with constructive engagement, consensus building and reaching out to strategic portions of the media with fact-based explanations as to how governors could not have been the main cause of the problem.

I say kudos to Alhaji and do wish that he would consider an elective office at the centre. I tell you.

Festus Keyamo as Aeroplane Salesman

We now have a new kind of street hawker in the country. He is none other than our esteemed Minister of Aviation, the Honourable Festus Keyamo SAN.

In a recently released footage, Nigerians were bewildered to see our great minister and ex-social crusader attempting to take the jobs of the marketing team of that firm in France.

In a dark-hued caftan, he started reading out the numbers on the carcass of the models of aircraft. With so much gusto, he told us things about the carcasses that we didn’t even know.

The way he was going at it, you would think he invented the aeroplane. He showed us the toilets, where you flush after dumping; he showed us the windows, taking time to explain how you can open the window mid-flight and touch the clouds.

I was so educated that after watching, even me sef can fly a plane, I tell you.

As he walked towards the planes, his cameraman followed him, egging him on and hoping that he would not fall into any hole there while trying so hard to send a message to Nigerians that he was the most hardworking minister of the Federal Republic.

Very oblivious of the contradiction he was throwing out there, he tried so much to do a Richard Quest on us by walking around the place, arms outstretched, big white eyes staring at the camera as he beckoned on Nigerians to join him on this quest to only God knows whe

Be like say oga did not do orientation exercise before he resumed as Minister of Aviation or HR did not properly brief him. Marketing specific versions of an aircraft cannot be part of the Minister of Aviation’s j

But even as me sef no know, don’t let me talk too much before I embarrass myself, for all you know, someone may have smuggled it inside o.

Remember that oga is a very brilliant interlocutor or have you all forgotten his explanation as to why one big Oga did not do WAEC.

So let’s all keep quiet and enjoy the show because you never can tell, maybe oga is auditioning for an internship with ARISE TV.

Wonders can never end.