Loud Whispers  With JOSEPH EDGAR

Mercy Chinwo, Nathaniel Bassey: Let’s Fight These Bullies

As a strong proponent of freedom of speech, I am constrained to write this piece. In the last few weeks, I have been in a really strange space where I have been considering the possible regulation of social media. The space has been bastardised, seized by goons who now use it to bully people just because they have a phone and can afford the N100 data you need to cause disruptions.

The comment sections of these platforms have now been turned to slaughter slabs where reputations are vacuously damaged. They just tear people’s hard-earned reputations into pieces just because they can.

The other day one came at me and called me a paedophile, the other called me gay and I gave back as hard as I could. I abused their fathers and blocked them.

The issue of these beautiful gospel singers is just another sad occurrence on the gram. How for the life of me would someone go out there and make such banal allegations? All without proof o; just because you are chasing “clout” as they call it, you throw a dagger into the happiness of these families.

Thankfully, I hear the right steps have been taken with the recourse to the police and the naming and shaming of four of the culprits. I think very seriously that once an example has been made, there will be some level of sanity.

Finally, I also think we are gradually getting to the point where some level of regulation needs to come in. There are some words you cannot use on the net and you will not be picked up at international airports. That is regulation, the same must apply here. The cyberbullying law must be seriously enforced in the first instance while the National Assembly carefully looks into the need to apply some brakes on that place. It is really crazy now. Kai. 

Fubara vs Wike: A Tale of Two Cry Babies

Who has been following this saga? To me, these two are just cry babies who are doing nothing but entertaining us with some Oscar-deserving performances. The very weak one who is the governor sends a wimpy message saying, ”Dare me.” Even as he is saying that one, we are “yimmuing” him because even he knows that we all know that he is sitting on that seat by the grace of the other one.

A governor who cannot determine who makes up his own cabinet is what ooooo? Make una answer me. It is not to be doing ‘gorimapa’ things and sending funny warnings to people who are better coordinated and better prepared to take you out. You say you are respecting President Tinubu, that is why you are implementing an agreement that is skewed against you, and your opponents’ say you are not implementing it fast enough, and you are warning them to allow you to implement at your own pace. Are you a man?

The question you should be asking yourself is, will Wike have even attended that meeting in the first place as a PDP governor?

For my big brother, Nyesom, his statement that we have just seen where he reportedly said that he has no hands in the rumble of the State House of Assembly, that he was focusing on the job President Tinubu gave him, and that is why he did not “go home” for Easter is as disrespectful as they come.

That is, you think that we don’t have sense abi? Must you be physically present to cause havoc? It is for this same self-serving reason that you chose this Fubara over better-qualified candidates to succeed you. The reason for his infallibility and his inexperience. My brother you “just dey bully the man” and it is not good.

You just dey disgrace am up and down and if you do not stop, the position of the Governor of Rivers will become cannon fodder for comedians.

No matter what the man is, he is the Executive Governor of Rivers as proclaimed by no less an institution than the Supreme Court which affirmed the mandate the people gave him. Please allow the man to drink water, elections will soon be near and then at that point, do your magic and take him out. But for now, please let him be, abeg. Thank you.

Olukayode Ajulo: A Babel of Legal Voices

I thought it was a joke when he mentioned that he was going to appoint 273 lawyers. I have never met him, but we chat fairly regularly on WhatsApp. Our chats and engagements reveal that although he is extremely brilliant with a clear thought process, his approach to the practicality of politics has been quite academic and detached.

As a Senior Advocate of Nigeria (SAN), the man can write long articles o. He makes it a point of duty to send them to me and I will read the first two paragraphs and tire. I will just shift and move to “xvideos” to relax my brain abeg. I cannot come out of Lagos traffic and be reading the attorney general’s postulations about things that no really concern me.

But this one caught my attention. Are you really going to appoint 273 lawyers? I asked him and he said yes, and I said how are you going to pay them and he replied, “No pay.”

The next day, I saw the report that he had gone ahead and given reasons citing an eight-point agenda, and the next day he was vexing with someone for issuing a statement calling him “Anthony-general.” Oga wrote another long epistle on why that shouldn’t be o.

The first thing that came to my mind was, “Ondo people go hear this one o.” Dem don go appoint a lecturer for office and he has now come with 273 graduate assistants. Na big English will finish Ondo people. The big big English they will be listening to will scatter their brain and give them a headache. Kai. I pity them o.

The fact that they will not be paid will add to the major cacophony of this very reckless position. They will not be focused; may use these positions to foster their personal nests, they will be distracted and ego-driven. Decisions will be cumbersome and hectic with 273 people having something to say on one issue.

I tell you, even the governor go tire for this one, I swear. Governor will just be looking with amazement and asking himself, what exactly have I gotten myself into?

My bro, Kay baba, abeg get serious and face the very important job you have been given. This is clowning. Thank you.

Bassirou Faye: Well Deserved Garlands

My only source of joy in this one is the fact that bro has two wives. This is a win for all polygamists all over the world. The young man not only won an election in an African country at that age but also strode the platform with his two wives. This is very inspiring and shuts up my critics who will be saying, “Edgar what are you doing with three wives at your age?” like there is an age restriction to polygamy.

See person I senior with over 10 years, not only being President but also being with two very beautiful wives. Kai, that his first wife is extremely beautiful o. Please, anybody with access to him should let him know that I plead for a first right of refusal if he ever wants to leave her. I am here o.

But seriously, if you read the travails Senegalese have to go through to achieve this epochal moment where a very young democratically-elected president has emerged, you will be proud of them. I hear that he was not even the real man o. That his oga suffered severe persecution including imprisonment and from the prison, the strategy of upfronting this one with two wives was forged.

Kudos must be given to the Senegalese authorities for knowing when to give up. Some ‘mumu’ governments like some that we know would have annulled the elections and thrown the country into another round of uncertainty.

With Liberia and now Senegal, the sub-region is beginning to look like sense is coming back after that rash of military interventions by some upstarts hiding behind some revolutionary gum shots to seize power.

I am also very happy that our president was there personally. He is now playing the big brother role. At least, if respect no come from America, we can start building it from home. Nigeria must support her younger ones in the sub-region. My prayer is for Oga not to go and teach the young man “agbado” economics o and that one will now stand at his inauguration and pronounce “subsidy is gone.”

Allen Onyema: The Lion Has Landed

You know how Nigerians leave the forest and fight the grass for lack of understanding? A historic thing just occurred and all the noise has been the uniforms the crew wore. Kai, Nigerians ehn, only God knows which mould of sand he used to create us.

An individual has gone through thick and thin to land in the UK as a full-fledged Nigerian airline and all we see is the Lion of the Igbo that some, not all o, wore as cabin crew. The beautiful Nigerian pilots, the backroom staff that covered the operations, the banks that financed him, the Federal authority that gave all the support and much more importantly, the resilience of the man himself, all went missing simply because some staff wore something that represented one ethnic region.

We have a problem I swear. What would they have worn? Would we have preferred for some to wear Igbo and others to wear Yoruba and the rest Hausa before we let the man rest? Even at that, the minorities will scream, because I would really scream o – where is my wrapper?

Mbok, can we just focus and see how we can support this Air Peace so that it will not go the way of its predecessors? Abi the ones that first went and died, na Igbo cloth dem wear? Na wa.

KFC, Adebola Daniels and a Misdirected Bashiru Ayinla

This honourable wants to spoil the matter now o. So the young man had complained, the firm had apologised, FAAN, the direct authority has taken a stand, imposing sanctions, and now this one is talking about an investigation.

So, this Honourable Ayinla now wants the whole National Assembly to leave all their matters and come and investigate the refusal of one overworked staff member to refuse another young man in a wheelchair entry into an eatery.

The matter has been addressed and I must state very clearly that I stand with the wheelchair-bound young man but causing federal legislation’s investigations is taking it too far. One would understand if he was pushing for a national framework that would protect such Nigerians in all of our public places but asking for an investigation of this particular case as reported is taking -eye service too far.

Abeg oga, if you are less busy, better come to Shomolu. Let’s play monkey post together and stop trying to waste taxpayers’ money on this puerile matter. Joker.

Nasir el-Rufai: A Moment Sir

First sir, kindly assist in reining in your son. His mouth is worsening this matter. Calling the governor names and saying he is surrounded by incompetent aides as reported is not helping this your matter at all.

The fact that is on ground is that the governor has been reported to have announced that you left behind 115 contractual responsibilities, N85bn and $587m, making his ability to meet his obligations including salary payments quite difficult.

You see, I am on your side on this matter simply because the governor was not expecting to come and meet the Saudi Arabian treasury. All these are crocodile tears being faced with his inability to proffer solutions that would enable him to deliver on his promises.

You see, we are tired of these excuses. Even you yourself played this game, blaming Jonathan for everything under the sky down to my inability to have a good time in the other room. It is a lazy way of governance. It is like inheriting a distressed bank and wailing to the shareholders that kai, no money o, they have wrecked the bank oo. Excuse me? Yes, the bank is wrecked, deal with it or ship out.

Let me state clearly to this Kaduna governor – I no even know his name sef – the treasury is empty, what are you going to do about it? Deal with it. What solutions are you going to throw up that will give you the leeway to deliver to your people? Even if you jail El-Rufai today, will that enable you to pay salaries? Abeg, leave all these lazy man tactics, El-Rufai has gone, face the devil and perform abeg.

My only worry is that this El-Rufai’s son with his loose mouth will not even let us see road to engage this governor and set him aright. Sir, can you kindly just ask your boy to “shut up” and let us hear word?

Please, Mr. Governor, which governor in this country inherited a healthy treasury o? Just face your mirror in your house, stand naked and answer that question truthfully. I suspect that the answer will give you peace.

Mbok, leave my brother El-Rufai alone, the man is focused on getting a new job. It’s not easy to be an applicant in this economy and at that age. I hear he has carried an application to SDP. Let’s wait and see first o. I wish him luck.

Tosh Adefeko: A Professional Odyssey

I crave your indulgence to celebrate this thoroughbred professional. When people are doing well, it’s good to celebrate them, especially at these times when there is so much despair in our nation.

Tosh is a super brilliant PR and communications expert. She cut her teeth in Biodun Shobanko’s Quadrant where I heard that she led the organisation through its golden era. Her profound understanding of her space has led her to win such prestigious clients like Meta for her new agency.

I know that some of you will not know what Meta is oo. I swear I know that my brothers Ken Etete, Dere Otubu, my Editor, Davidson and Chike Ireogbunam have never heard of Meta. Meta for those of you who do not know is the former Facebook.

Anyways, Tosh has suddenly discovered that content via the platforms of podcasts is the next wave when it comes to social cohesion amongst others. In this regard, she has built a multi-million naira studio in Ikoyi where she has hosted such notables like famous pastor Ituah Ighodalo and influential Lanre Olusola to very major discussions on life, economy and leadership.

These discussions have been so engaging that they have gone viral, pulling in a lot of listeners to the podcasts. I have been begging my Editor, the handsome Davidson Iriekpen, to come as a guest but fear has been catching him and I don’t know why.

Anyways, Tosh must be celebrated for braving the odds and refusing to “Japa,” and also for building this inspiring agency that now has international recognition. Well done my sister, and please, she is the beautiful wife to my big egbon Ade Adefeko who taught me banking. If I don’t mention his name now, I no go hear word o. Lol.