Asking for Help at Work

Asking for help is an indispensable, yet, often overlooked element of professional and personal success. I recently attended a global transformative forum of women building powerful tables in the business and professional spheres. At the forum, we reviewed the quadrants of asking, giving and receiving help.  Though not a fan of labels, we were required to locate ourselves within the quadrants and I was surprised where I ended.

How often do you ask for help? Infrequently or frequently?

How often do you give help? Infrequently or frequently?

The four quadrants examined were:

i. Selfish-Taker – overly dependent, over compensated on the asking and taking.

ii. Lone Wolf – introverted, individualistic, heavily independent solitary person. Works and does things alone. Infrequently asks for and gives help.

iii. Giver-Taker – ideal balance; where we want to be.

iv. Overly Generous Giver – gives more than receive, wants to be and do everything. Need to retrain brain to do more asking.

The workplace is filled with people of different backgrounds and levels of competence. Though we all often put up a “brave know-it-all” front, to be successful at work we need to be adept in the art of asking for help. Asking for help essentially fosters a more collaborative, supportive, and productive work environment. Yet people sometimes struggle with asking for help in the workplace because they fear appearing weak, incompetent, or burdensome. Other barriers to asking for help may include individual pride, fear of rejection, and a lack of awareness about people’s willingness and ability to assist. To overcome these barriers, we need to emphasise the importance of empathy, vulnerability and openness. In this article, we will explore the importance of building a help-friendly culture and provide actionable strategies for creating such an environment within your organisation.

Ms May

I was attending a conference in Seattle, Washington. After 18 hours of flying, I finally settled in to the hum of the airport shuttle enroute to my hotel. My head was down with my eyelids drooping, half asleep. Then I noticed her. My senses were immediately aroused, I became wide awake. We will call her Ms May. Rushing to catch the shuttle, Ms May came in with a heavy backpack and two cumbersome suitcases. She almost missed the bus. As she hopped in. I immediately noticed that Ms May had a limp and was straining to pull the two suitcases. Observing her struggle, a fellow passenger reached out to help with one of the suitcases, and I was taken aback by her reflex reaction – she said, “don’t worry, I’ve got this”, instantly repudiating the offer of help. She continued dragging the luggage herself, trying to find a seat. Ms May, resolute in her independence, rebuffed any help offered, determined to navigate her journey unaided. Down the aisle, another passenger offered to help her with one of the suitcases, again Ms May rejected the offer of help with an automatic, “no, thank you” response. With determination she forged ahead, I watched as she dragged her load down the narrow aisle, in search of a seat. Ms May wobbled until she found a seat, and sank into it. Throughout the journey, I observed her closely, noticing the strain on her face.  Eventually, her stop arrived. She got off the bus before me. Once more, I watched as she struggled to get off the bus, facing the arduous task of disembarking alone. This time, I guess everyone in the bus knew better than to offer help. 

As the vehicle resumed its course, I could not help wondering about how the journey ahead of Ms May would be like, without help with the suitcases. I pondered the challenges that awaited her beyond the confines of the shuttle, her solitary struggle leaving an indelible mark upon my consciousness. I kept watching her as long as I could catch a glimpse of Ms May, until her figure paled into oblivion. Though years have passed, that vision remains etched on my mind. 

You may argue that, Ms May was not at work. A shuttle is a good metaphor for the workplace. The workplace involves getting people onboard, making sure they are seated at the right seat as the driver takes them in the right direction, and makes sure they disembark safely. 

A Help-Friendly Culture

Empathy, vulnerability, openness are traits we need to learn how to give and receive. A Workplace Empathy 2018 survey by Businessolver reports that 87% of CEOs polled believe that an organisation’s success is connected with empathy. Knowing this, business leaders ought to do more to create enabling environments, to nurture empathy at the workplace. Enabling environments would include a well ingrained culture of respect, inclusion, equity, a listening ear, helping hands, tolerance, etc. Too many empathy enabling behaviours die at the point of onboarding a new staff, and are only partially resuscitated through the occasional prompts at annual retreats.

In today’s competitive work environments, fostering that culture of support and assistance is crucial for both individual and organisational success.

A help-friendly culture is one where employees feel comfortable seeking and offering assistance, where there is a sense of mutual respect, trust, and empathy among team members. It is a culture that values collaboration over competition, and recognises that everyone benefits when individuals support each other. In such an environment, employees are more likely to share knowledge, offer feedback, leading to improved problem-solving, creativity, and overall performance. Moreover, a help-friendly culture enhances employee well, contributes to higher levels of job satisfaction, lower turnover rates, and better employee retention.

“All You Have to Do Is Ask”

In the book “All You Have to Do Is Ask” the author, Wayne Baker, a professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business examines the art of asking for help. Baker uses a blend of research, real-world examples, and practical tools to make the case that asking for help is beneficial and essential. He emphasises the role of organisational leaders in fostering an environment where asking for help is encouraged and normalised. He discusses implementing structures such as “reciprocity rings,” where individuals openly ask for and offer help, promoting a continuous exchange of assistance and knowledge. The book is structured to guide readers through effectively soliciting help, balancing the act of giving and receiving, and cultivating a culture where these interactions can thrive.

The Giving-Receiving Balance

There must be a giving and receiving balance for sustainable and healthy interaction at the workplace. According to Baker, this balance is critical because – Mutuality Ensures Sustainability. When people give and receive help, reciprocity is maintained, sustaining participation and engagement. Too much giving without receiving can lead to burnout and resentment, whereas too much intentional receiving without giving can appear exploitative. Both are detrimental to both individual well-being and collective productivity. A balanced approach ensures that all members feel valued and that their contributions, as well as their needs, are recognised and addressed.

Strategies for Cultivating a Help-Friendly Culture

Provide Leadership: Cultivating a help-friendly culture starts at the top. Leaders and managers should actively teach, encourage and model helpful behaviour by offering support, listening actively, and demonstrating empathy towards their team members. When employees see their leaders prioritising assistance and collaboration, they are likely to follow suit.

Promote Open Communication: Encourage transparent and open communication channels within your organisation. Create opportunities for employees to share their ideas, concerns, and feedback freely. Fostering open communication builds trust and encourages help-seeking behaviour.

Cultivate the Practice of Effective Asking: This includes framing requests in clear, concise terms, understanding the expertise of potential helpers, and being mindful of timing and context when making a request.

Provide Training and Development: Invest in training programs that not only enhance technical skills but also focus on soft skills such as emotional intelligence, effective communication, empathy, mindfulness and conflict resolution. By equipping employees with the necessary tools and resources, you empower them to support each other effectively and navigate challenges collaboratively.

Recognise and Reward Helpfulness: What gets rewarded gets done. Celebrate acts of kindness and helpfulness within your organisation. Whether through formal recognition programs, shout-outs during team meetings, or small tokens of appreciation, acknowledging and rewarding helpful behaviour reinforces the importance of building a supportive culture.

Encourage Cross-Functional Collaboration: Intentionally break down silos and encourage collaboration across departments and teams. Facilitate cross-functional projects, encourage job rotations, and create opportunities for employees to work with colleagues from different backgrounds and expertise areas. Cross-functional collaboration not only enhances innovation but also strengthens relationships and fosters a sense of unity among employees.

Prioritise Work-Life Integration: Recognise that employees are more likely to offer support and assistance when they feel supported and valued themselves. Encourage a healthy work-life balance by promoting flexible working arrangements (it’s here to stay), offering wellness programs, and providing adequate resources to manage workload effectively. When employees feel respected and cared for, they are likely to extend the same courtesy to their colleagues.

In conclusion, for a business to scale up, its people will need to practice asking, giving and receiving help. Cultures that encourage all members to do these, see improved problem-solving and innovation and enhanced employee satisfaction and retention. However, a help-friendly culture is not something that happens overnight. It requires the concerted effort from leaders, managers, and employees at all levels of the organisation to prioritise collaboration, empathy, and mutual support. This will result in creating that environment where individuals thrive, teams excel, and the organisation as a whole achieves its goals.