Loud Whispers With JOSEPH EDGAR

Sim Fubara is Simply in Charge

A common mistake in warfare is underestimating an opponent. It is now very clear that Nyesom Wike in choosing the next stooge, may have really underestimated the invincible resolve and strength of character embodied in Sim Fubara. He would be ruing the day he chose this man as successor and hating himself for it.

Fubara has not only stood up against the bully with the croaky voice but has also gone ahead to give him a very dirty fight, uprooting his so-called structures and sweeping away his henchmen in 24 hours, leaving his former master naked with nothing but shame and regret as companions.

As I watched the former chairman of Ikwerre Local Government cowardly beat a retreat, I just shook my head in utter disgust. The contempt for institutional barriers, the sense of massive entitlement and the desire to rule over the people despite constitutional provisions just threw me into a state of anomie.

God-fearing and democratic-leaning Nigerians are firmly on Sim’s side in this fight against the biggest-ever political bully in recent times. Nigerians watched very intently as his lily-livered footmen ran away or were kicked ignominiously out of various local government secretariats, marking very firmly the end of the dictatorial reign of the croaky-voiced one. I jumped with glee as I watched one of them beat a hasty retreat with his security chased out by a motley crowd of angered youths who had just had enough.

Mr. Fubara now has the leeway to consolidate, rebuild democratic structures and also put in place credible governance that would be focused on the people as against the politics of “hara kiri” as practised by his erstwhile godfather who now stands naked with the ‘craw craw’ in his buttocks exposed to the world. Who will help him scratch it? Certainly not me!

Cyril Ramaphosa Saved by the Bell

The clip hit the airwaves. The South African President was shaking heads of state and governments at his inauguration and seemingly walked past our own President and Nigerians screamed in unison. How could he do that, how could he ignore the president of the giant of Africa? Over 200 million people screamed in collective anger. Then suddenly another clip emerged with Mr. Ramaphosa shaking President Tinubu’s hands and everything went calm abi?

No joor. Tinubu looked like someone who was not invited to the party. He looked like a stranger and Mr. Ramaphosa didn’t help matters as he shook him the way a gracious host would shake a strange face at his party without wanting to humiliate the person.

It’s one year after and President Tinubu is still not looking very comfortable on the international stage. He still looks very unsure and very very shy. His dressing too always comes across as too casual although I really have nothing against that. After all, Nelson Mandela wore loose shirts and pants and Fidel Castro wore khakis, it’s just that Tinubu doesn’t have the charisma and carriage to carry his own.

I think it’s a matter of capacity and lack of understanding of the issues and also a lack of self-awareness. If Tinubu was well aware that he had over 200 million people behind him, he would not be standing at the back of international podiums looking lost and wondering when it would all be over so he can rush back to Isale-Eko where he is better suited.

Secondly, I do not think he is well aware of international power dynamics, international economic issues, international bi and multilateral engagements, and all of that and it shows very clearly in his carriage, passage and comportments at these fora.

My advice is for him to pull back and start sending Nigerians of weight to represent him until he is very sure of himself. People like Chief Obasanjo — who has started wearing his kind of cap, Chief Emeka Anyaoku, and General Ike Nwachukwu are still alive, and if age will permit them, can represent him and pull enough weight until he gets himself together.

By the way, who is our Foreign Minister? Do we have one? Kai.

Ojude Oba Festival: A Kaleidoscope of Colours

I love Ijebu people o. I grew up with them in Shomolu. They are wonderful and very friendly people and their stew is something else. They can cook stew o. Then they woke up with this Ojude Oba concept and I must tell you that it is mad!!!

The colours, the pomp and pageantry, the heritage, and the pride, gosh! The pictures that I have seen have even made me forget the bad roads to the town, the poverty in and around the place, the neglect of infrastructure and the old tattered worn-out houses that these beautiful people came out from.

Mbok, that my brother, the investment banker, Farooq Oreagba, who took the shine was something else. His green ensemble, contrasting very sweetly against the very beautiful tattoos that filled up his hands and the Cuban cigar in his hands as he swaggered on horseback. Crazy, crazy dude and crazy people.

The Ijebus and their festival bring out goose pimples from me all of the time. You know there is no more beautiful woman than a Yoruba woman in owambe mode. I could not stop drooling at their backsides, covered in wonderfully made Aso-oke, with their push-up bras, making their something point to the sky and the many jewellery. Kai, kai, kai. The Ijebu woman in that mode is simply sexy, beautiful and enthralling. Mbok, do they allow other people to attend or is it only Ijebu people because I have decided to risk the craters on the road and attend the next one o with my camera in hand.

Well done my brothers and sisters and keep the flag flying, before you know it, the festival will catch the world’s attention and people will be flying in from all over the world to witness such a spectacle. Well done. Kai. To be Ijebu come dey hungry me.

Godswill Akpabio: A Lesson in Banditry

This one is just in a world of his own. As far as he is concerned, he is having the best time of his life. Not even connected to reality. He floats on the cloud and once in a while, he will come down and drop some of these banalities that will make someone scratch his head in bewilderment.

I just saw a report in which he was saying that if we hadn’t changed the national anthem we would have no banditry or something to that effect. I was headed to the fridge to steal the last Sallah ram when the news caught my attention. At first, I thought it was a comedian speaking in a promo for their show but when I looked closer, it was my Akpabio spewing that kind of simplistic statement that would make a class monitor lose his position if he dared.

How the wordings of the old-new-national anthem would stop, and curb banditry remains to be seen. In fact, if someone continues to dwell on this statement, it will look like the person sef no too get sense.

But let me state one other observation I had. When Akpabio was making the statement, I looked very intently at those around him including Senator Opeyemi. They all kept a straight face, struggling not to laugh. In fact, Senator Opeyemi put on a very strict frown and with the camera panning very closely to him. He made a face like a quartermaster general in the barracks before he would laugh and embarrass his principal who had just made the most infantile statement since independence.

My people, all I can say for now is na wa. Na real wa for this political dispensation that we find ourselves in. Kai.

Rotimi Amaechi:  A Different Kind of Narrative

Okay, something very annoying and almost irritating has been going on for some time now. The picture of Rotimi Amaechi at the airport, sitting and waiting for his flight has been making the rounds. Then one person now put a narrative around it: the temporary nature of power, and people have been sharing it to the extent it is now viral. I am sure even you reading this piece have seen it and have also looked at Amaechi with pity and said “You see, where are the police security, where are the long motorcades?” And then you will fold your hands on your chest and hiss and say, “Power. Kai.”

This narrative is totally wrong and annoying. I prefer to look at it differently. Of all the political gladiators of his time, Amaechi has been the only one courageous enough to push a proud reintegration into civil society. He has mixed with the people, attended events as himself and has been spotted severally at hotels and other such social places enjoying himself most times alone.I once met him at the prestigious Wheatbaker Hotel where he came in for breakfast, alone. I was impressed. No airs, nothing like – do you know who I am? He went to his table, ate his food in silence and stood up to walk away. I approached and asked for a picture and he permitted me, hugged me and walked away.

Stating the obvious about the transient nature of power is illiterate. Nobody has power forever and we must all like Amaechi have the courage for life after power. I see a lot of these ex-people still working around with police escorts, some even with guguru defence and throwing their weight all over the place, reminding us that they were this or that before. I have even seen some in motorcades, complete with sirens and security.

People like Amaechi should be encouraged and appreciated so that our leaders can begin to see that you can still find fulfillment out of power if that will even make them stop the sit tight posture and stop the stealing.

Amaechi should not be taunted or derogated for being himself. I stand with him and if you guys have sense, you should stop sharing that narrative of transient power. It really is very obvious na.

Muhammadu Buhari: Sealed Lips, Please

As we say in Shomolu, this one still get mouth to talk? After running Nigeria into a bottomless pit with the worst-ever leadership that has thrown us into a state of anomie in all sectors, egbon still has time to come out to be advising us? That we should stop procreating and go back to the farms? Which farms?

This for me is a huge insult to our sensibilities. Daddy should just concentrate in his country home and be drinking his fura and thanking his stars that his successor does not have the political will to go after him to ask questions on his very debilitating stewardship.

His rulership cannot be wished on the worst banana republic, he surely should have come to the realisation that he has lost any moral ground to even whimper, talk less of giving us advice.

Mbok, he should kindly keep his advice and use his native wisdom in that his hamlet to be judging communal feuds over whose cattle is impregnating the other persons’ cattle.

I get really vexed seeing his pictures, talk less of listening to him. A man that Nigeria has given so much to but pays us back with such ignorant incompetence laced with an arrogant sense of entitlement.

Mbok, you people should leave me o, because if I talk my real mind about this Buhari, someone will come and beat me in this Shomolu. At times like this, I wish I was not writing this column in a respected national daily, the words I would have used ehn, even my father would wake up from his grave like the old Roger and knock me. Farm ko, farm ni.

Peter Obi: Is it Your Money?

The problem with Peter Obi is that he thinks that because he chooses to be going about in cheap black clothes and also very cheap shoes, everybody will be like him. His frugality is his choice and as such, he should not expect the rest of us, let alone our President to act like him.

They say the presidential jets have a carburettor problem and where we come from in Bourdillon, Ikoyi, we do not repair but buy new ones and you are asking a question. Do you want the man to die? Shebi they have asked you the correct question that should shut you down.

Is it your business? After all, are you the only taxpayer in the country? Why you will be putting your mouth on other people’s problems beats me. This is why you not only lost elections but lost at every court. It is this your busybody nature that caused that one.

President of over 200 million people, one of the largest ever conglomeration of black people in the world and a country where a crate of egg is N6,000 and tomatoes is now the exclusive preserve of people in Aso Rock will now come and be flying planes that they will be pushing and starting? Mr. Obi, it is like you too do o. Can you imagine the international embarrassment after we came from the Ramaphosa inauguration where they did not serve amala and the plane no come start again?

It is Bayo that really suits you. He has accused you of wanting our president dead and may God not answer your prayers. Because you cannot win an election, you now want the position by other means. Please, mind your business and be wearing that your okrika clothes up and down and let us go and buy our plane.

Mbok, whoever wins the contract, it must be Air Force One you are buying o. I have the numbers of those who sold Biden’s plane so you buy four abeg. One for president, First lady, Shettima and Akpabio each and while at it, let’s remember to buy for Seyi because he will need one for his polo tournaments.

This Obi is just a mischief-maker.

Charles Oputa: Super Happy Birthday

During the week, my mentor Mr. Charles Oputa celebrated his birthday in silence. He quietly went to Abuja to avoid us coming to ask him to send us something. Anyway, let me use this opportunity to wish the great Area Fada a happy birthday and many more of such as he continues to impact and push for a better society.

I am hearing some quiet noise about a foundation dedicated to men’s health in the offing. It is supposed to be a secret but you know that anything that reaches my ear cannot be a secret again na. So, Fada, when you are ready, I am ready because you know that this issue of erectile dysfunction is very close to my heart and as such, I am ready to work for free in seeking solutions for as many men as possible and for those that their cases have reached the point of no return, I can offer myself for services on their behalf and this is why I want to register on your database for such. Congratulations Fada and see you soon.