Loud Whispers with JOSEPH EDGAR
Kola Adesina: The White Knight Strikes
I decided to make this my cover story for obvious reasons. My egbon’s story is very inspirational and I want us to look at it seriously. From very humble beginnings in Shomolu – my same Shomolu o – he has risen to the pinnacle of global influence, leading to his recent appointment into the presidential advisory committee of something.
Working very assiduously with his team at the Sahara Group, they have set sail and berthed in about 48 countries of the world, playing in power, oil and gas, trading and more. Employing over 8,000 people and currying the kind of global respect usually reserved for white – Anglo-Saxon-led companies.
It is no wonder that during his last birthday, the high and mighty and not too high and mighty – yes o I saw Gbenga Ismail there – all came out to celebrate with him.
Let me name the high and mighty that I saw at his dual functioned 60th – oya see o, Presidents Jonathan and Obasanjo, Olu of Warri, Professor Osinbajo, Sanwo-Olu, Dapo Abiodun, James Ibori, Senator Gbenga Daniel, Tony Elumelu and some visiting African Heads of State with grey hair, sorry I didn’t catch his name, Tonye Cole, to mention a few.
Then the not-so-high and mighty – Timi Dakolo, Debola Williams, Ivie, ex-Sahara, Dr. Kunle Alonge, Tayo Eleshin and myself Rt. Hon. Duke of Shomolu.
Kola has done too well for himself and the nation. He has shown that with grit determination and a focused-led acceleration mixed with ethereal cerebral engagements within the right fulcrum and circles, you can not only push to the top but use that leverage to push influence, inspire and perspire. Please make una no vex with the big English I am spewing this morning. It is my estate chairman who just sent my power bill and you know we are in Band A. I have been speaking big grammar asking why I am spending the cost of buying a small car on a one month’s bill…
Kai, well, let me wish a happy 60th to my wonderful Oga and also tell him very succinctly that his greatest achievement is his extremely beautiful wife – who walked up to me as I was about to catch my third plate of Ofada and said, “Duke I read you in THISDAY every week and you are such a beautiful writer,” and I said, can I hug you?
Justice Kekere–Ekun Has Come to Judgement
Our Habib Bank Whatsapp group went up in massive excitement when this announcement was made. Our former oga’s Madam, Justice Kudirat Kekere-Ekun is due to be appointed as the second female Chief Justice of Nigeria. Our oga is Mr. Akin Kekere-Ekun, one of the most cerebral and highly principled gentlemen who have ever walked on the streets of Nigeria.
Before this announcement, I had heard from a top source that there was some reluctance in “anointing” her because of her principled disposition to her job. My people, you know the kind of environment we find ourselves in this country with the kind of “kurukere” dance that our judiciary has been dancing in recent times, you would understand the reported reluctance by the powers that be in pushing through her candidacy.
Justice Kekere-Ekun is reputed to be very principled, focused and on the book in the discharge of her duties. She is also reputed to be among the very rare jurists who will most likely hit the levels of the immortals- Justice Oputa and others.
So throwing her into what has become the “murky” world of our recent judicial expressions in my own estimation is a massive attempt at hitting the reset button.
For me, I am especially happy because she is my “customer” for my plays. She is a regular and her husband, the aforementioned perfect gentleman, would call me and say – “Edgar, is your 4 pm, 4 pm?” And I will say yes sir, knowing that my 4 pm is never 4 pm and at exactly 4 pm, they will stroll into chaos.
They will now go to a corner and sit very quietly and watch me as I am running around, shouting and cursing out and offering apologies every five minutes. They will just nod their heads and when I am ready, I will usher them in.
Nigeria will certainly be the better for it with this appointment. Well done ma.
A Fervent Plea to Oba Otudeko
You see, people are waiting for this particular write-up. They know I will talk and they are divided in their waiting. There are those waiting to “kill” me, and those also waiting to shout “Duke you get mind o.”
But I will disappoint both, not only because I am trying to be statesmanly but because I am cowardly. We are still looking for money for school fees and to even “chop,” no be now that someone will now go and carry libel case join matter.
Anyways, my dear great-grandfather, I write to you with enormous respect and trepidation. I have watched you very closely for the past 30 years and once sat at a meeting with you and my late mentor, Albert Okumagba. It was one of the last meetings before we opened the Honeywell Flour Mill public offer. In that meeting, you were very statesmanly, smiled at us with love and understanding, and quickly nodded your head when Albert assured you that we would raise the money.
We knew that we would not be able to raise the money, but Albert in his usual super positive approach to these things, gave you his word. We failed and were hit by the dire consequences because we had given certain guarantees.
Sir, my plea to you this morning as I read about the new lawsuit against FBN or CBN – not sure o, is to think about legacy. What legacy would you bequeath to your children, what side of history will you fall on when all of these are going to be discussed 100 years from now?
Legacy and how history interprets our roles in life after we are gone is very critical. Sir, on this matter, just kindly look at the legacy. How will this “fight” help your legacy? Will it strengthen or rubbish it? You are the only one that can answer that question. Sir, follow your conscience very clearly because only history will judge us all.
I retain a very huge respect for you sir even as I must state very clearly that I do not stand with you on this First Bank matter judging from the little I have researched.
Even at that, I think you remain one of the thoroughbreds of Nigerian business and your place on the mantle of glory remains assured but something tells me very succinctly that you may just be rubbishing all of that with these latest moves.
Sir, let’s think about legacy, my Daddy. This is my plea. God bless you, sir.
John Enoh: An Olympics Waste of Time
This is why I should be President of this country because people like this would be in the job market seeking a job as security man or something. Over N12bn spent on this charade and not even a single medal to show for it? All sorts of embarrassing scandals further damaging our international reputation to the point that we are even borrowing bicycles, coupled with the clerical error that saw our star athlete kicked off a prestigious race thereby destabilising her.
Kai! As president, I would have sent an email to Mr. Enoh to just go into exile from there. 80 athletes, over 90 officials and N12billion? That is nothing short of economic sabotage, I swear. Imagine what that money would have done – even if it is just the healthcare system where the mortality rate of the average Nigerian has dropped to 55 years. That is what Mr. Enoh and his cartoon characters went to squander in Paris and came back with very lame excuses.
Please, let me even ask, mbok what are the real benefits of attending this Olympic jamboree sef? Is it just to belong or what? We will now spend billions that we don’t have to go and carry one medal most times, and like this one, to go and disgrace ourselves with nothing.
Please President Tinubu, can you instigate a probe of this fiasco? They must show us all the receipts of money spent o. EFCC must enter this matter o because the way the thing is paining Nigerians who recently were on the streets protesting hardship only for 180 people to carry that kind of money to go and pretend that they are doing the Olympics. Please we need a refund urgently. Thank you.
Accept My Condolences, Abba Yussuf
My condolences must go to the sweet Governor of one of my favourite states – Kano. He has just announced that the looters had gone straight to the corruption case files of the big oga.
Mbok, shebi we had said that people went to these recent protests with different motives. While a tiny minority were genuinely looking to better our lots, others went to loot, rape, do tailor apprentice – learning to sew flag, push regime change and as stated, go after their files.
Your Excellency, do not despair, if you remain very keen on prosecuting this matter, which I think you should, you can rebuild the files naa. It’s not that difficult na, after all, the video clip is still in circulation. Just use Google and it will come out and if it does not come out, you can give out a reward to Gen Z IT experts and they will spool it out from the internet.
The next thing is to look for a hungry “civil rights” lawyer who based on the video will now make a citizen’s arrest or something, and from there, the process can restart. Your Excellency, once we get it rolling this time, let’s go digital. I don’t know why your judiciary has not gone digital in this time and age. It’s not to be wearing red caps all over the place and be parading as governor when such a little thing as moving your judiciary to the digital age is a problem. See now, very important files have been destroyed.
Oya my brother, no need to mop around, start the journey. If you don’t have the mind, call Deji Adeyanju, the human rights lawyer, he just passed Law school and is looking for job. He will do this one very well, I assure you. Oya let’s start cracking mbok.
Falalu Bello: An Elegant Intervention
You guys may not know him. I don’t even think my Editor knows him sef, but he is one of the most brilliant bankers this country has produced. Alhaji Bello was first the MD of Habib Bank which he grew to momentous size and from there went to herald the biggest ever bank merger in the world, involving about nine banks.
When the Providus/Unity Bank merger was announced, it met a lot of public angst. Even me here, I fired shots at it, calling it names including “imbecilic” among other names. I cannot put it in a national newspaper.
In all the commotion, Alhaji Bello was concerned about just one thing – that the bank started weak. He quietly sent me a private memo on the matter, explaining his part and the kind of bank he built and left behind. In his words: “We merged the nine banks successfully, integrated them successfully and took the emerged entity into a profitable operation and on the basis of December 2010 operations paid dividend and gave out bonus to shareholders of that bank in 2011. For anyone to come today and say that we had a shaky start is simply a lie.”
Baba don talk the one that concerns him. So, the question should now be asked very succinctly, what went wrong after that? I have kept quiet o. I have talked too much recently before they come and beat me o.
But if you want the full text of his very long and educative message to me, just buy me afang, the one that comes with periwinkle and snail and I will send you everything. Thank you.
P-Square’s Trip to Irrelevance
These three people are truly jobless. The brothers from the same mother have been disturbing cyberspace and Nigerians with their shenanigans.
The never-ending crises of the washed-out musical duo P-Square make for annoying drama. These ones, if they are not fighting over food, women, and undies, they are carrying themselves to the media, and purportedly EFCC to report themselves.
The level at which they fight, one finds it very difficult to concede if they are true blood twins or just two people who look alike but were adopted separately. We are tired of all the fights. If they want to use that one to retain relevance then it’s tiring abeg. They should do a sex tape or something else abeg.
That was how I saw footage of Oga in his black native and black shoes appearing in their house again to make peace. I just weak. Two brothers are fighting like tatafo and instead of allowing our presidential candidate to concentrate on his good deeds as he better prepares for the next round of elections, they are dragging him into their matter.
If P-Square wants to scatter let them scatter abeg. They are not the first and as such they should allow us to focus on the one that is doing us now abeg. Hunger is too much in the land to be disturbing ourselves over the struggles of these spoilt people who apparently need a large dose of maturity. Thank you.
Very Dark Man and His Activism
Ok, I am not sure most of you my readers know of this gentleman. Very Dark Man (VDM) is an unkempt loudmouth that thrives on controversy on social media. For his efforts, he has been arrested, bullied and called all sorts of names. He has fought so many people from Iyabo Ojo to Tonto Dike and a lot more. He looks like someone who doesn’t take his bath as he sits in his very dirty room with replica skulls around his neck and shoots videos that shake the internet and Nigeria.
Anyway, he seems to be doing the right things these days as he has taken on a “fake” Pastor who has been selling all sorts of colourful named bottled water with spurious claims of healing on them.
VDM has taken him to task, called him what he truly is, a fake and has even gone a step to put down a petition at NAFDAC – the sleepy government agency whose job is to regulate things like this.
In response, the fake pastor has instituted a N1 billion lawsuit against VDM for libel, I hear. You see how people believe their own crap. Who in this world does not know that the bottled water is fake and with no real or imagined uses, and that also the “thing” does not have any registration and cannot do any “yeye” miracle? Despite all of these, you still want to go to court?
Court that now has Justice Kekere-Ekun as head? Does this pastor even have advisers? Mbok, this is one interesting case and I am excited, if for no other reason but for the fact that it would among others save Nigerians from the hands of the bible thumping charlatans’. Mbok, join me in this matter o. I ready. Thank you.
