Loudwhisper With JOSEPH EDGAR

Is MC Oluomo’s Election as NURTW President About 2027?

There is something about Musiliu Akinsanya, popularly called MC Oluomo that appears to taunt us each time I see his picture, clips or news report about him. I just saw a video of him arriving at his office ‘second day’ at work after his magical election as National President of the transport union, NURTW.

For a lot of people, this gentleman represents the informal enforcement unit of our occupying force and now his mandate seems to have been extended nationally, away from the ‘little’ Lagos where he was the Al Capone. His annoying son said as much on social media while thanking the president for the role he must have seemingly played at this ‘coronation.’

The NURTW Constitution seems to be a magical document as according to reports, the thing allows for delegates from one region to sit in a beer parlour and elect a national president. That was how we heard that delegates from four south-western states made this coronation possible and that operatives in the creeks in Bayelsa and the deserts of Kano would have no choice but to sing ‘all hail the king’ as he arrives for work every morning.

Mbok, my own is not even this one. There is this little thing we have to note, the implication of this on the 2027 elections. I am not sure again o, but isn’t NURTW the one that distributes election materials for INEC? Guys, wake up ooooo. Make I just keep quiet. Sleep with your eyes open, na wetin my papa used to tell me and na wetin make am catch me with housemaid that year.

However,  barely one week after, the Court of Appeal was on Friday said to have sacked him.

Kemi Badenoch: Kemo La, La

Kemo La La is what we used to call those who bear the name Kemi in Shomolu. If the Kemi does something huge and wonderful, we all scream Kemo La La and she will raise her hands in agreement, and we will be hailing her all over the place. This one, I suspect, will not raise her hands because she is all of very stupefying arrogance. She has annoyed Nigerians, especially my egbon, Chief  Femi Fani-Kayode who has been all over the place in anger at this Madam.

For those of you who have not heard, she seems to have built a career on humiliating and insulting Nigeria and Nigerians. She has even gone a step further to refuse to meet our leaders, leading to my sister Abike Dabiri saying that she is yet to see her Nigerianness.

My people, this one is not an omoluabi ooooooo, this one is an omoale. I don’t know how to put the Yoruba prefixes on the omoale so that you guys can better understand just the name I am calling her with my full chest.

Nothing she has not called us, saying amongst others that she does not want the country she ran to turn to the country she ran away from amongst so many inanities. Our own thing must sha be different o. The Indians produced a Prime Minister and we did not hear anything about India but Madam is out there painting us with tar for her own purposes.

Please, Madam Kemi, leave us with our bad leaders, our dry taps, our armed robbers, our poor health facilities and our corrupt leaders, we love them and are proud of them all. We are Nigerians and not bastards. We will not run our father’s nakedness in public because we are all well brought up. We wish you well in your career and will still be in Nigeria after you have been well spent and inevitably dumped. Yeye dey smell. 

Herbert Wigwe Comes Alive in Isiokpo

Nothing has brought tears to my eyes recently than the letter of invitation I received from Wigwe University to attend its inaugural matriculation. Immediately I saw the letter signed by its acting Vice Chancellor, I fell down in a heap of emotions. This was Herbert’s dying passion and the last thing we talked about before he climbed into that helicopter and followed Kobe Bryant to heaven.

I hear it has not been easy since his passing. Funding has been a herculean challenge, a muted struggle within and without the family for control of his huge wealth which he left, all impacting the university and a myriad of other issues affecting the school which would not have been if he was still alive.

Anyways, the people at the How Foundation, his platform that was established to midwife the school amongst others, have really moved like a well-bred horse in making sure that this dream of building a new army of leaders remains alive, all culminating in this wonderful ceremony where I hear about 120 students would be getting matriculated into this wonderfully built institution.

This man can never die, make I just leave am there. Thank you.

I Saw this Coming for MultiChoice Nigeria

Shebi, each time these people want to increase their subscription fee, one person will rush to court and all these ‘ichoku’ judges will grant an injunction. The thing used to baffle me, a private company, with no government subvention or ownership in any way, operating within the same harsh economy that has moved a bag of rice to over N100,000 and fuel to cross the N1,000 mark and dollar exchanging for what it is right now and the cost of going to Abuja almost the same cost as those doing tourism to Mars, will now not be able to have a pricing that is reflective of its situation?

They have just announced that they have lost over 200,000 subscribers in Nigeria and have been politically correct by citing amongst others inflation at over 30% as the real reason.

This company will inevitably shut down if it continues like this. If the DISCOs can do band A, and those girls that stand on the road at Ojuelegba and in Lekki Phase 1 can charge reflective and responsive prices, why then should we now shake MultiChoice because some of us want to continue watching football at the cheap rate?

This is sad and wicked, the firm which sources content internationally and which pays hard currency for the same is already suffering the impact of an eroding currency with which it charges for its services and it still has to sit down there and watch others reflect the situation in Nigeria and they cannot because some judges have given some funny injunctions.

The place will collapse, it’s that simple and if and when it does, it won’t bother me. Shebi dem no dey kuku show porn.’ Warrismyown? Na wa!

Olayemi Cardoso: I am Not Owing Anybody

I just saw a report that says that every Nigerian owes about N600,000 in international debt. No be me oo. I reject it with the full blood of Jesus as Mena used to say. As I was reading the report further, I saw that our debt has grown to over N130 trillion. This means that if you divide it by our population of about N216 million, you will see that each person owes about nine times the minimum wage.

This report is not only annoying but very mischievous. Why are you putting our name inside the thing? Is it our yacht that they bought, or have we ever entered any of the new planes that have been bought, or did they give us a share of the constituency allowances they get? Did we even vote them in, do they let us even know how they are spending the money or even take permission from us to spend the money? And this mumu report from DMO is now saying every Nigerian is owing the money.

Something is really wrong with the head of the people who have written that report. If I see the person, I can pour water on his head. Instead of him saying that the Presidency, their legislature, their judiciary and their governors are now owing N130 trillion, they are coming to call our names inside the matter. How is it our debt? Did we form a quorum in collecting the money, where did we sign an agreement that they should collect money on our behalf? Mbok, you people should mind your sef o. You now want to come and add N600,000 on top of the one we are facing, the next minute now, they will say we should all come and contribute. Mbok, leave us out o. Abi you don’t have Tinubu and Akpabio’s phone numbers to send them a chat on the matter? Mbok, leave us out of this one, I beg.  Thank you. 

 the Beat Goes on for Atiku Abubakar

This wahala is still raging o. The Presidency has now called Oga jealous and Oga has responded by calling them wicked. The thing is now a full-fledged catfight complete with scratches on the face, hair pulling, tearing of clothes and all that is involved in a roforofo at Oshodi motor park.

Oga Atiku is not leaving anything to chance o as he has dropped ‘drug dealer’ and others into the matter. He even coloured it by using words like wicked and painful inside the matter. If he continues at this trajectory, he will soon add witch and jati jati, omo ale and ‘okobo.’

For me, the presidency must not let up o. Atiku has always had a bad mouth, and they must not let him win this one. They should take revenge with words like bastard, dog, smelly mouth, big-headed semi-illiterate, mallam, oloshi, oloriburuku, etc.

If any side runs out of words, they should approach me. I am an expert in these kinds of things. If you have ever cheated on your spouse, the names they call you, you will never forget. I can consult for any side and deliver very pristine yabis for the highest bidder in these words of war. Should I show more samples of words either side can deploy? Ignoramus, big head, etc. Mbok, I cannot laugh. Na wa!

Ifeanyi Okowa is Not a Yahaya Bello

This is a man, and I must thank my Editor, the erudite Davidson who held me back last week. When the news report came out that the EFCC had moved against this man, citing N40 billion here and N40 billion there, I wanted to fire in righteous anger o. It was Davidson that had said I should calm down o. I said Editor how na, why should I calm down, you no hear wetin I dey hear? And he said, let’s just wait and see.

My people, this man did not do a Yahaya Bello on the people o. Instead, he flew back into the country as we have been told, went straight to the place like a man and explained himself and went back home straight to the other room to relax with his wife.

Mbok, the report we have seen said he explained very perfectly to the EFCC all the allegations, even up to the one that they said he invested with my brother Julius Rone, an investment that has been said to have doubled in valuation.

This is very unlike our other brother who is still hiding under the wrapper of his junior brother’s wife instead of manning up to go and answer allegations. To think that this person called himself White Lion at some point. 

This one no be White Lion anything but a cowardly yellow pussycat. No be man at all, na hermaphrodite. Kai.

Ifeanyi Okowa is Not a Yahaya Bello

This is a man, and I must thank my Editor, the erudite Davidson who held me back last week. When the news report came out that the EFCC had moved against this man, citing N40 billion here and N40 billion there, I wanted to fire in righteous anger o. It was Davidson that had said I should calm down o. I said Editor how na, why should I calm down, you no hear wetin I dey hear? And he said, let’s just wait and see.

My people, this man did not do a Yahaya Bello on the people o. Instead, he flew back into the country as we have been told, went straight to the place like a man and explained himself and went back home straight to the other room to relax with his wife.

Mbok, the report we have seen said he explained very perfectly to the EFCC all the allegations, even up to the one that they said he invested with my brother Julius Rone, an investment that has been said to have doubled in valuation.

This is very unlike our other brother who is still hiding under the wrapper of his junior brother’s wife instead of manning up to go and answer allegations. To think that this person called himself White Lion at some point. This one no be White Lion anything but a cowardly yellow pussycat. No be man at all, na hermaphrodite. Kai.

Allen Onyema’s Danger Herein

Something is happening with this man that we are not seeing. Shebi we are seeing all these reports on indictments, threats of arrest and all and we are not losing sleep over it. Let me say something quickly, the man has built one of the biggest airlines in the history of this country that he owns personally. I hear he has over 20 per cent of the market and controls an even larger share of the domestic market. Internationally, he is giving the foreign airlines a fight for their money and ensuring that he is giving us a pride of place in that space.

Now, think for just one second if any of these indictments go through and he is taken out or down- God forbid. What happens to Air Peace, what happens to the aviation industry and the rippling effect it will have on all of that?

I once had a conversation with a top boss at the NGX and he lamented how frustrated he has been trying to get Oscar to come towards the stock exchange. You see he needs to hedge and very quickly so. He needs to protect his investment by listing it now so that he would be able to institutionalise it in case of any eventuality. Even if by some miracle all these international issues disappear, the whole thing is now too big to be run like an Igbo spare parts shop in Idumota. My big brother, well done for all you have done. Just think of Nigeria and list the company na beg, you will not regret it, I swear.

Charles Oputa and His Can of Worms

You know my podcast is becoming the main place to go to by very prominent Nigerians. That was how Charly Boy came o and told me that he had gonorrhoea at a tender age, he had s… with his nanny at a young age and that he enjoyed it. He added that he had discovered whoring and their houses quite early. Mbok, the thing has gone viral o and come and see comments.

Some people are now saying that s… at that young age and with older women is traumatic and all of that. My people, the millions of comments that have followed that podcast have confirmed my well-held notions- most men were ‘shagged’ very early by nannies and older women. Most men enjoyed the experience as it was seen as a rite of passage and there was no trauma whatsoever as we looked forward to the ‘trauma’ and even encouraged it. Some of us used to go and remind the nannies in case they forgot to come when our parents were asleep.So, it’s either we remain pretentious and politically correct like some of us or we own our ‘shit’ like Charly Boy and say -oh what a wonderful world that was. Oya come and beat me o. Kai.