Kayode Fayemi: All Hail the President

Mbok, I laughed and nearly fell off my seat. The former two-time governor of my favourite state, Ekiti, had just called me. “Edgar, when did you write what you wrote o,” he said in his deep voice. Aghhhhh, my Lord, it’s almost two days oo.

“Edgar, you have put cocaine in my pocket o. I have received calls from all over the world o and I have been swearing to everybody that I have not seen you in three years.”

My people, you know me na, I just woke up that morning and looked at the whole thing again and wrote an essay on my Whatsapp suggesting Mr. Fayemi as our replacement for president. That is the cocaine I put in his pocket o.

The whole place went agog. Even me, my phone did not stop ringing and the reason is very obvious. The sitting President will go for a second term. Mr. Fayemi belongs to his school of thought – well so it seems – so this suggestion was truly setting him up as a target within their cabal.

The man had to quickly and very strenuously deny me – Edgar, I told them that shey you people know Duke, he just says his own and says come and beat me. I didn’t send him o, I don’t even know him o.

Well, Mr. Fayemi did not send me o, I have not seen him physically for three years and the last time I saw him was when I went to brief him about my play ‘Fajuyi’ which was driven by celibacy. I had not had sex in weeks and started hallucinating and Mr. Fayemi’s image kept appearing in my head and I wrote about it.

I will be having sex in the coming week and after that, let us see if Mr. Fayemi will still hover in my head as a convenient replacement for this train wreck. So, guys, make we dey see. Thank you.