Paternity Palaver Portends Fresh Troubles in Marriages
The spate of paternity fraud in Nigeria today is worrisome and portends fresh troubles in marriages, Vanessa Obioha plumbs the various factors contributing to this malaise
It was a surreal moment on Kokoro Alate, a Yoruba-speaking radio station when an Ibadan woman confessed that out of her six children, only one was fathered by her husband. As she made her confession, listeners who tuned in to the programme could not conceal their shock, wondering if this was a Nollywood drama series. Even the human rights lawyer, Olóyè T.D, was in disbelief. But it was reality, a harsh one for the estranged husband who was in the studio with her.
The woman whose name remains undisclosed explained that four out of her six children were fathered by her pastor, one was fathered by a meat seller, and just one is her husband’s biological child.
When asked about the prospect of seeking forgiveness and returning home with her husband, the man, visibly stunned and shattered, emphatically declared that he would never welcome her back into his life as his wife.
A Worrisome Trend
The unsettling narrative of paternity fraud in Nigeria is becoming a worrisome trend. From shocking confessions to DNA revelations, stories abound, prompting a reflection on marital infidelity.
It’s no surprise that a survey emerged, ranking countries with the highest levels of unfaithful wives worldwide. Much to the dismay of Nigerian women, the survey conducted by condom manufacturer Durex a few years ago placed them at the top of the list, surpassing 35 other countries, including Western nations, sampled in the marital infidelity assessment.
According to the survey in which 29,000 people in 36 countries were interviewed, the top two countries with cheating women are Nigeria, with 62 per cent, and Thailand, 59 per cent. Thirty-nine per cent of Malaysian women also confessed to having betrayed their partners. Russian women came fourth at 33 per cent while Singaporeans are fifth at 19 per cent.
The survey revealed that Thailand men are the most unfaithful in the world, with 54 per cent of them admitting to cheating on their spouses. South Korea came in second with 34 per cent, while Malaysia ranked number three with 33 per cent.
An independent survey also conducted in Africa by AE recently affirmed that Nigeria with a population of over 200 million tops the chart for cheating women. It noted that corruption and a general distrust among citizens are largely responsible for this.
A recent Tiktok video, which named Nigerian married women as the highest cheaters in the world, is currently making the rounds on social media. The video went viral after a Tiktok user listed eight different countries with the highest rate of women cheating on their husbands.
According to the user, whose research on the subject cannot be ascertained, the number of women cheating in the United States is 14 per cent, 16 per cent for France and 19 per cent for Singapore.
Similarly, a female academician said the percentage of Nigerian women who cheat is higher than men. She revealed this to THISDAY while educating people about the extent of adultery and paternity fraud in the country.
According to the academician who pleaded anonymity, Nigeria has the highest rate of paternity fraud in the world. She expressed concern that if men discover how many of their children are not biologically theirs, most marriages in Nigeria would fail. She therefore suggested that the federal government make DNA testing mandatory for couples as soon as a child is born.
Factors Contributing to Paternity Fraud
Infidelity in marriage, a timeless aspect of human existence, is considered a crime in various societies and religions. Consequently, stringent measures are implemented to curb this behaviour. In certain societies, the repercussions can be as severe as death, especially when a woman is involved. Conversely, in some countries, it is gradually becoming normalised, prompting reflection on why it has evolved into a legacy passed down through generations.
Since the inception of society, traditional practices have advocated virtues such as spousal love and fidelity. Loving one’s spouse and maintaining exclusivity are among these cherished norms. However, some married couples deviate from these ideals, engaging in extramarital affairs and becoming a source of marital discord and instability.
Analysts assert that the definition of infidelity hinges on the expectations within a relationship. For instance, in marital bonds, exclusivity is commonly assumed. When infidelity occurs, it can inflict psychological harm, inducing emotions like rage, betrayal, diminished sexual and personal confidence, and even post-traumatic stress disorder.
Ojenike Anne Ifechukwudeni of the Department of English and Literary Studies of Delta State University, Abraka, revealed that studies have found that men are more likely to engage in extramarital affairs if they are unsatisfied sexually, and when they are far from home, while women are more likely to engage in extramarital sex if they are unsatisfied emotionally.
Another contributing factor to the high rate of infidelity in marriages, she said, is the proliferation of sex chat rooms and dating apps. These have provided ample opportunities for people in committed relationships to engage in acts online and offline. Such online acts include cybersex, where two or more individuals engage in discussion about sexual fantasies usually accompanied by masturbation, hot chatting and flirting. It’s believed that if a partner engaged in cybersex this constitutes an act of infidelity.
Beyond the sexual and emotional shortcomings, infidelity extends to various motivations, such as acts of revenge or a seeking of attention. In some cases, individuals may resort to cheating when inebriated or under the influence of substances. Moreover, modern infidelity is influenced by romantic ideals and the pursuit of self-fulfilment, adding complexity to the motives behind such actions.
Quoting a relationship expert, Esther Perrel, who believes that people cheat to transform regret or to express an identity, Ifechukwudeni added that infidelity can also be traced to an inability to understand the concept of marriage counselling.
She posited that some men tend to develop a mental barrier against their wives, suspecting that their wives might engage in similar behaviour. In a broader context, these men argue that they are simply attempting to assist women who may struggle to find a partner. They claim that engaging in infidelity is a means to rescue women they perceive as unwanted, offering them love and companionship.
Additionally, she highlighted another unconventional reason for infidelity, pointing out that individuals raised in polygamous homes may perceive cheating as a normal deed, influenced by their parents’ entitlement to multiple spouses. Furthermore, she asserted that frustration can catalyze cheating in certain cases. “One measure of infidelity is a paternal discrepancy, a situation that arises when someone who is presumed to be a child’s father is in fact not the biological parent. Frequencies as high as 30 per cent are sometimes assumed in the media. Some studies suggest that only a small percentage of couples that experience infidelity actually improve their relationship,” she said.
“In terms of negative responses to infidelity, the report had it that after hearing a partner’s infidelity, reactions have included rage and increased aggressiveness, loss of trust, sadness, depression, damaged self-esteem, fear of abandonment, and a surge of justification to leave the partnership. Other negative consequences have included damage to relationships with children, parents, and friends as well as legal consequences. If divorce results from infidelity, research suggests that faithful spouses may experience feelings of low satisfaction and self-esteem,” she further explained.
Consequences of Infidelity
Ifechukwudeni emphasised that loyalty is possible in committed relationships as long as there is no room for infidelity. She underscored the damaging impact of infidelity which in her words “can scatter even the strongest relationship, leaving behind feelings of betrayal, guilt and anger.”
“Nothing rocks a person’s self-trust and marriage more than infidelity,” she continued. “It leaves people questioning their sanity as well as everything they believe to be true about the spouse and the viability of their marriage. Infidelity is crippling.”
She also addressed the misconception of infidelity by a few couples who believe that infidelity is reserved for only celebrities and public figures.
“Around 25 per cent of marriages and 40 per cent of unmarried relationships face issues with infidelity, with the number increasing when also considering solely emotional affairs.”
Nigerian Women are Faithful
Reacting to the Durex survey, an entrepreneur and mother of three, Vivian Ige, firmly argued in defence of Nigerian women, adding that they are reputed for their solemn reverence for religion, more than their counterparts in any part of the world.
Ige wondered if Durex’s claims were true, why do most Nigerian men in the diaspora come back home to Nigeria to pick a wife? She said Nigeria is not a society where adultery is treated with impunity, unlike the Western countries where married couples jointly patronise so-called ‘Elite Sex Clubs’ where they have sex with other men and women.
“If you ask them, they will tell you our women are more faithful in marriage than their counterparts abroad. They have lived both in Nigeria and abroad but still prefer our women,” she said.
“Despite our exposure and enlightenment, a typical Nigerian woman still holds firm to the dictates of tradition, either of her background or that of her husband’s. Our men are even too egocentric to allow their wives that liberty. A man can kill any woman suspected of infidelity, whether true or not. It’s seen as a slap on the man’s face and not an emotional slip,” she said
The impact of infidelity extends beyond individual relationships, influencing the very fabric of our societal norms. Therefore, it requires not only acknowledgement but a collective commitment to understanding and addressing the underlying issues.
