Lara Kudayisi Don-Momoh: Nigerians Stigmatise Divorcees, Make Them Feel They Are Good for Nothing

Lara Kudayisi Don-Momoh is a Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and Family Life Coach, specialising in Healing, Family Life and Mind Reprogramming. As a practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming, Eriksonian Hypnosis and Neurological Repatterning, she offers a comprehensive range of services, including Performance Consulting, Emotional Intelligence coaching, and Anger Management guidance. Narrating her story to Tosin Clegg, she delves into how she started her journey of healing others, helping others manage divorce, handling childhood trauma, emotional issues management and much more

How did your personal experiences shape your decision to become a Certified Cognitive Behavioural Therapist and Family Life Coach? 

My personal experiences of pain and trauma was what prompted me to go a journey of healing and freedom for myself. While on that quest, I realised that I could help a lot more people become free and whole like I have become.

What inspired you to create The Healing School program and how has it impacted the lives of those you work with? 

The Healing School program came about after I released my third book: ‘How the Matchmaker’s Marriage Failed,’ in December 2018. The book was about my life story of how I was broken as a child, had broken relationships, had my daughter at 19 and how my first marriage ended in divorce. When I shared this book with the world, I was exposed to a lot of people who have been through so much pain and trauma in their lives either as a result of trauma or childhood dysfunction. I felt the compassion and empathy which caused me to create The Healing School which is an eight-week online therapy program so that I could help all these people heal from their own emotional pain and suffering. It was created in January 2019 and it has since then been the most powerful program I have ever created because it has transformed the lives of over 2,000 people and counting.

What motivated you to start your own show and what have been some of the most powerful healing journeys you’ve witnessed on the show? 

‘How They Healed’ was a program that I executed, produced and presented because I wanted people to see celebrities share their own stories and their healing journey. I wanted the average human being to see that their role models and icons are also flesh and blood who go through the same issues like them and they are healing too. We got a lot of messages from so many people that are grateful for the program because they could relate with their celebrity crushes. In terms of the Healing Journey I witnessed, I think the one that really interests me a lot was the healing journey of Omotunde Lolo popularly known as Adaku from Jenifer’s Diary. Her testimony of her healing journey from a divorce and low self-confidence was pretty inspiring and touching.

How do you approach the topic of finding love after trauma in your coaching sessions and what are some of the advice you offer to individuals navigating this journey? 

It is a program for people who have been divorced, heartbroken, betrayed, lost their loved ones to death and more. It helps these sort of people heal from their pain, makes them unstuck from their past and be open to finding and attracting new and healthy love. This program is run by me and my husband Teddy Esosa Don-Momoh. We share our healing journey of how I have healed from divorce and so many heartbreaks from my end and how he recovered and healed from the death of his wife, the late singer, Kefee, to how he found love again with me. So, it’s a practical program sharing our healing journeys and also helping other people achieve the same feat like us. The advice I’ll give to people who have been through pain and want to find love again is to heal first by going to therapy before they can attempt finding new love, if not, they will bleed on the new people they meet.

How do you integrate principles into your coaching sessions to support clients in developing healthier coping mechanisms? 

Having diversified certifications in Emotional Intelligence, Anger Management and Fear Mastery amongst others helps me to have a holistic approach in helping my clients unlearn unhealthy habits, emotions, learn healthy and functioning habits that can help them master their emotions, improve their interpersonal relationships, increase their self-esteem, confidence and worth in order to become the best version of themselves. The people who go through therapy and are unhealed probably aren’t ready to do the work or doesn’t just believe in the process and without belief it can never work for you. These people are probably the one per cent of the numerous number of people that go to therapy.

Can you speak to the importance of addressing Childhood Dysfunctions and Emotional Traumas in the healing process?

Going back to your childhood is one of the easiest and fastest ways to heal and move forward in life because we are all products of our childhood experiences. If you don’t go back, you will end up treating surface wounds which is why at The Healing School, we have three sources of pain; The Primary, Secondary and Tertiary sources. The Primary Source of Pain is the beginning of the issues from childhood. Most people who have confidence issues, recurring broken relationships or marriages can be traced to their childhood. When they heal, the inner child, their lives change for good. Almost every client I meet have a first contact session where they share their issues and I get to trace the source of the problem, diagnose the problem and recommend the program that would help their personal issues.

How do you prioritise self-care and maintain a healthy work-life balance while juggling multiple roles as a therapist, coach, author, TV presenter, and CEO despite being a mum? 

I know when to unplug and switch to relaxation mood. I watch a lot of movies, sleep and connect with my husband, kids, friends and siblings. I also travel for vacation as often as I can so that I can go and rejuvenate so that I can come back refreshed to bring new solutions to help my clients.

What drives your commitment to raising awareness about topics like Life After Divorce?

The stigmatisation of divorcees drove me into seeking solutions for them especially when I have been through that journey myself. Africans and particularly Nigerians stigmatised divorcees and make them feel like nothing good can ever come out of them since they couldn’t keep their marriage. I have been divorced and I have been helping people before, during and post-divorce. Divorce doesn’t mean you are dead or useless in the society. Also divorcees or widow(er)s deserve to find love again and be happy like everyone else. Today I am remarried and living happily with my husband and family. I am a living testimony of what I preach. Also, there’s no shame in seeking help. Everyone who’s going great today had a help in one way or another. You asking for help actually shows you’re a strong person who is willing to change their story and stop being a victim of circumstance.

What lessons have you learned from your own healing journey that have shaped your approach to supporting others on their path to recovery and growth? 

Number one lesson is that your pain or trauma may not be your fault but it is your responsibility to heal from it. You can’t keep blaming people for what they have done to you if you have refused to heal from it and move on to a better life. Whatever life throws at you can be resized and recreated to a better life just like the same way I am doing currently. I always tell people that “It is never too late to start over”. I want to see a healed and functional society. The more people have a better mental and emotional health, the more productive they get and more stable they become in their emotions which affects everyone we all meet on the long run.  I am looking forward to a day where our company can do therapy and coaching programs for government officials, private and public organisations, tertiary institutions and so on so that there can be a saner society who is happy, functional and empathetic to one another. The more empathy we have, the more government would make friendly and supportive policies to help the citizens of the county. The happier, empathetic and fulfilled the management of an organisation is the more they provide better working conditions for their employees.